Ode to "Los"

Was on Facebook last night talking to my buddy "Los." He is a friend I have met through this blog. Like so many of those around here that I consider my friend, I have never met Los in person. However, we have had some pretty good talks about life: where we each have been, where each of us is in the present, and where our paths may lead us in the future. 


Just a little background on Los. He is 22, lives out in the western states, and has been struggling to figure out his life. He is struggling with SGA. Yes, my Mormon friends, I mean Same Gender Attraction. (Hey, I may not be Mormon, but I can learn some things about LDS.)


Los and I have had some pretty lengthy discussions about his struggle to find his way in life. This guy is extremely hard on himself. I can honestly say I know where he is coming from. Having struggled with this myself for over a decade until I finally decided to face these feeling head-on, I know his pain. We talked about things like why he feels unworthy and evil at times. He also revealed to me during that time that no one in his life knew about his SGA. He was having a really hard time trying to accept these feelings he was having, how to proceed, should he talk with a therapist, should he tell someone close to him in life, etc. 


Well, it had been some days before Thanksgiving that we last talked. I knew he was heading to a friend's house in another state for the holiday. Last night was the first time we had talked since before the holiday week. I was shocked, and pleasantly surprised by the person I was talking with. 


Los proceeded to tell me about the Moho event he went to while on holiday. I am certain he was nervous and scared to go, but he mustered the courage and went. He told me he really had a great time and felt some comfort being able to talk with guys who could relate to his plight. Los proceeded to tell me about a couple of guys who gave him a ride back to where he was staying. He gladly told me about the great conversation they all had. Once on of his new buddies was dropped off, the remaining new friend took Los the rest of the way back to where he was staying. Los lit up when he told me about all of the talks he was having with this particular guy (who I am going to simply call Driver). He and Driver had some pretty interesting discussions about the paths their lives are on. Los even told me about Driver holding his hand until they arrived where Los was staying while on holiday. 


As Los and I continued to talk I sensed this lifting weight on his shoulders to some level. Los told me that he was actually missing Driver. That is a first for Los. As shocked as I was, I asked Los what had brought on all this confidence and newfound courage to face his SGA.


What he told me is a lesson everyone should learn. (paraphrasing here...) He said in order to enjoy life, you must first love yourself. True...true...true! 


Los talked about meeting back up to continue the conversation with Driver. Los is allowing himself to imagine a different path for his life. 


I don't know where Los' path is heading, nor do I have any idea about what decisions he will make. All I know is that I will be here for ya, Los, whenever you need to chat, vent, unload problems, whatever. I am proud of the progress you are making. You inspire me in ways you may never know. 


Thanks to everyone for listening. I needed to share this excitement with someone, and you all are the ones who opened this post. 


Have a great weekend. 
- JC