Christmas with my family has always been a wonderful time. In the past decade the focus of our family gatherings has shifted towards my 11 nieces and nephews. I love it. However, this Christmas has been like nothing I would have expected.
As we all know, December 14 was the day of the school shootings at Sandy Hook Elementary, in Newtown, CT. However, I also received a phone call that day that the patriarch of my extended family, my great-uncle Bob had passed away. Bob was an amazing man and role model for me. He was first and foremost a family man, an amazing Christian, and a strong advocate for public service. He taught me a great deal in my life, and he will be missed. I forgot to mention that he was married to my aunt Sarah for 62 years. I don't know what she will do without him.
So, over that weekend we dealt with Bob's death, and I also worried about how I would talk to my students on Monday about the shootings at Sandy Hook.
On Monday afternoon, as I was preparing to make the 2.5 hour drive to my hometown for uncle Bob's funeral services, I received a phone call from my dad. He told me that they had found my cousin Kelly dead from a gunshot wound at her apartment. We did not know if it was suicide or murder. The police could not definitively make a ruling until the autopsy was performed. After the autopsy was performed, the medical examiner ruled Kelly's death a suicide.
Kelly was only 32 years old. Of the four grand kids in my family (me, my cousin Del, my brother Jason, and my cousin Kelly), Kelly was the youngest. She lived a very difficult life. She was diagnosed as bipolar when she was a teenager. I can recount numerous times when she ran away from home. I remember her being put in various group homes and psychiatric hospitals throughout her teen years. Her second child, Dayesha, was killed in a car accident when she was only 2. Last year, Kelly lost custody of her other kids due to her drug and alcohol usage. I know she has had a most difficult life, but I am not using that as an excuse to justify suicide. I don't condone it in any way. It saddens me to think she thought she had no way out...no hope...no future.
Kelly was my baby girl. She being the youngest, and I being the oldest, we had a wonderful relationship with one another. I looked out for her. In the past years, I have also worked to look out for her boys. She leaves behind three sons, ages 16, 10, and 7.
So, this past week has been incredible difficult for the family. I had to stand strong for my family I also had to stand strong for my students last week. I chose not to let my students know about the deaths in my family. To them, nothing was wrong. My colleagues were great in keeping a check on me. They also understood that by working with the kids, it kept my spirits up.
The memorial service for Kelly was on Saturday. I drove the 2.5 hours home to attend the service. It was awful seeing my nephews in tears. I also saw my cousin Del breaking down. That was about all I could take. I just wanted to reach out and hug everybody.
How did this affect our family Christmas? Needless to say, our family cancelled our Christmas gathering at my Aunt Sue's house. Sue was horribly broken down by the deaths of Bob and Kelly last week. So, we chose not to have the gathering. My nieces' and nephews' presents were delivered to their grandmother's house for their family gathering.
This had a profound effect on me. I ended up pretty emotionless this week. I was not happy or sad. I was just here! I didn't know how I would be spending Christmas. I had even thought I would just not get out of the house for Christmas. However, I decided to meet my dad, sister, aunt and uncles for dinner on Christmas Eve at a restaurant close to Dad's house. It was nice just to get out of the house and out with the family. We all needed that. I spend the night at Dad's house so we could spend Christmas morning together. Dad cooked his traditional Christmas breakfast for us. It was simple and nice. I had a chance to visit with my mom and stepdad today, which I also needed. A boy needs his mom...especially in times like these!
This Christmas was unlike any previous Christmas in my family. It is something we will never forget, but it is also something we never want to go through again during the holidays. I am blessed to have a close-knit and strong family. We will prevail and life will move forward. We will be there for each other, and that is the best gift of all throughout the year.
I pray that each of you had a blessed holiday. Take care of each other.
Love you all!
Joey
