Bit of an Update

I will post more of an update about what's been going on in life a little later. For now, I wanted to give just a brief update on the best friend!

On Friday, December 23, my family gathered at my Aunt Sue's house for our annual Christmas get-together. Just imagine a house filled with 8 of my 11 nieces and nephews (all under the age of 10) running around. I love my family, but they need to show some discipline towards these kids. I had a couple of them come up, hit me, and just be downright rude. Of course, being who I am, I "went teacher" on them and made them behave. I personally think my family is just glad I take the initiative to get them calm. Well, no one else will do it! Ugh!

Anyway, early in the gathering I received a phone call from best friend Jenny. I was excited to see her calling, but I was also terrified to pick up the phone. I have not spoken with Jenny in three months. Feel free to see the previous posts about the topic if you are not caught up on this one!

I went into one of the bedrooms, closed the door for some peace and quiet, then I picked up the phone. It was great just to hear her voice. We talked for about 10 minutes before the family began to interrupt the phone call. The beauty of it all is that neither of us was upset with the other. It was as if nothing had happened.

I got to catch up with her for just a few minutes. She has been having a hard time over the past month or so. Her family practice office was being shut down, so she has lost her job. It is a long, sordid story that is just disgusting to me. They have treated Jenny and her nurses so badly. With this development, Jenny and husband Chris have decided to make the move to Jacksonville, Florida in the next month or two. They will be living in Chris' condo he still has down there. Jenny is going to sell her condo in Greensboro, NC. This is a tough on for me since she is moving even further away...now 8 hours instead of 3.

It was a great time to talk, and I was so relieved when we got through it. I love my Jenny more than anything. So glad to have heard from her. We have plans to get together this week. This was one of the best Christmas gifts I could have ever received.

That is all for now!
Take care,
Joey

On My Own

I am Emily Dickinson!

withdrawn

adjective removed from circulation, contact, competition, etc.

Have I become the dictionary definition of withdrawn?

Something this week has clicked, and some depression has kicked in on me. It could not come as a worse time. This is the last week of school before winter break. It is a crazy time if you are a teacher. This past week has seen my students in 8 hours of music practice (chorus, band, or orchestra). It really cut into my instruction time with my kids. We have tons of benchmark testing going on in every class. Factor in that we have a field trip tomorrow and a winter brunch on Friday, this week couldn’t get much more insane. Now add in that the kids are nothing but crazy, and I am holding on to what little piece of sanity I have left.

As a teacher, I have worked hard to make sure I am always in a positive place when my kids are around. I don’t let them see what is bothering me. Some of them have way too much in their lives, and they don’t need any added stress. So, I hide many of the feeling going on inside of me. Now it seems that it is seeping out and needs to be released.

What is wrong with me? I feel very withdrawn from the world right now. My life basically consists of getting up way too early, going in to work before anyone else is there (well, except for one of our custodians), working my butt off during the day, and staying late trying to solve the world’s problems.

As I have said before, I work hard to help everyone else but myself. I know it is not the healthiest way to live a life, but it is all I have ever known. It is difficult to change what I am. There are some serious consequences with being the work-a-holic I have become.

First of all, I feel I have secluded myself from my friends. I have not spoken to best friend Jenny in 3 months. I have no idea what is going on with her life…until today. Just a few minutes ago I saw on her Facebook account that she and husband Chris are moving to Florida in 2012. Instead of being 3 hours from me, she will end up being 8-10 hours away. I feel as though I have lost my best friend. I am feeling lost without her. However, it is totally my fault for not calling her or returning a couple phone calls she has made to me.

I miss Jenny more than words can say. I want so much to call her and talk for hours, but I feel myself not being able to call her. My foolish pride has kicked in and is not allowing me to call her. Actually, it is probably the fear I won’t know what to say. I want so much to apologize to her, but I don’t have the words to truly say how remorseful I am for excluding her from my life over the past few months.

I am excluding all my friends. I miss them all. I want so to reach out to Mandi, Mikeal, Jenny, Mikey, Milo, and a slew of other friends who have been such a huge part of my life. I love you, my friends, and I miss you all! Please forgive me for keeping everyone out of my life. You don’t deserve that from me, and I am totally to blame. Please remember that I truly love each and every one of you.

My family has noticed it too. I have not seen my mother in about 6 months. Sadly, she lives only an hour away from me. I was lucky to see my dad, Aunt Sue, and my Uncle Gary at Thanksgiving. It was the first time I had  seen any of my family in at least 3-6 months.

I feel very isolated here. Not only am I isolated from my friends and family, I have isolated myself from having any social life. I don’t go out. I don’t meet new people. I am inadvertently making it impossible to meet people and have people in my life.

Why have I become such a recluse? Why do I feel like Emily Dickinson?

Part of the problem is that I don’t know how to get out of my comfort zone and make a concerted effort. Does anyone have any suggestions?

Thanks for listening, my friends!

-J-

Thank You Word!

Today I was writing an email to a colleague of mine, and I wanted to add a piece of clipart. I typed "love" into the search box, and I was shocked by one of the pictures that popped up on the screen.

Just wanted to share!

BULLYING HAS GOT TO STOP! (Part 1)

My heart is breaking for this kid...

If you are not crying by the time you finish this, where is your heart? I will make more comments about this video tomorrow. Right now I just cannot seem to find the words, but I definitely wanted to share this with you!

Is this the next JB?

Teaching middle school has clued me in to the success and popularity of Justin B...yes, you know the one to which I am referring. (See left. Did I mention I have a student how looks almost exactly like him? He has the attitude to go with it!)

Anyway, back to the point of this post. I was looking around on YouTube this evening checking out music videos. As I was looking up some of Bruno Mars' songs, I discovered the cover below:

I was sitting there completely shocked at what I was hearing. This kid is awesome! I had to check YouTube to see if there were more cover songs from this kid. Imagine my surprise when I found he can also do music from Adele. We all know I love my woman, Adele. I am extremely critical when I hear others cover her songs. However, I had nothing negative to say about Nick's versions of the songs below.

I just needed to share this with someone today. Hope you enjoyed! In my opinion, we all need to keep a watch out for this guy...Nick Merico.

Thanksgiving Dilemma

This afternoon I was speaking to my father on the phone. We were discussing a number of items that have been going on over the past week. Then came the discussion of Thanksgiving Day plans.

For decades (am I so old that I can actually use "decades" to indicate time periods in my life...ugh!) the plan for Thanksgiving Day has been my immediate family getting together at my Aunt Sue's home for dinner. In the beginning of this tradition it was me, my brother, father, my grandparents, my Aunt Sue and Uncle Gary, my Uncle Paul, and my two cousins. In the past few years, with everyone growing up and the grandparents passing away, the annual gathering at Aunt Sue's has shrunk to five or six of us at the house.

What has been consistent through all of these years has been gathering at Sue's house. That changed last year!

Last November, I was told that it was decided our Thanksgiving dinner would not be at Sue's for the first time in my life. We were going to be having Thanksgiving Day dinner at a restaurant. I was not at all thrilled by this concept. Change is never easy, and neither was this...especially for me. I went to dinner last year, but it did NOT feel like Thanksgiving to me. It simply felt like another dinner we would have had on any other night. While I was happy to get together with my family, I just had this sense of sadness.

To be honest, I had forgotten about last Thanksgiving's dining-out experiment last year...until today! My father informed me tonight that we would be eating out again this year for Thanksgiving. My heart sunk on some level. Dad went on to say that he was unsure what my plans were, but he would love for me to be there. Of course, I am going to be there! Where else am I going to be going?

Here is my question to all of you...Am I being ridiculous for having such strong feelings about eating out for Thanksgiving instead of going to my Aunt Sue's for dinner? Why am I having such strong feelings? Why am I feeling so lost on this holiday?

---------------------------------------------------

On another note, I really wanted to say how thankful I am to have gotten to know so many of you over the past two years. I have made some truly amazing and life-long friends through this outlet. I love you all so very much. Thank you for being there for me!

Musical Mathematics for You

Lady Gaga + A Classical Twist = TOTAL AWESOMENESS!!!!

This year, I have become a huge fan of Aston and their classical version of all these current pop songs. It is wild! 

Another Full Weekend

This has been quite the weekend!

On Friday, I lost it with some of my kids at the end of the day. This week I was assigned study hall for students who had not completed their work this week. That meant 30 minutes of these kids who just don't care about getting their work done. They just kept talking. After asking over and over and over I finally just let them have it. These kids know I love them, so I am aware that it will be forgiven and forgotten by Monday. (Honestly, they will have forgotten it before they got home.)

The problem is that I just always feel awful after letting loose on them. I hate being the bad guy. They don't deserve me losing my temper, and I didn't mean to let it happen. However, it had just been building all week. The kids were crazy all week long. Luckily, I was not alone in this thought. Every teacher I had spoken with had the same thing to say about their kids. LOL!

I got home around 4PM on Friday, and my plan was to take a nap before attending a party with the teachers from my school. The party was at my teammate's home. I ended up sleeping until around 1AM. I completely missed the party. I found Facebook messages, voicemails, and texts from friends looking for me. I never heard anything while I was sleeping. Evidently, I slept hard!

I wake up on Saturday morning, and I get a call from my father. He called to let me know that one of my great-aunts had passed away on Friday night around 9PM. She had been quite ill for several years. I knew she was worse over the past two weeks. Many of the things happening to her at the hospital were similar to what my grandmother had went through just before she passed away a few years ago. I knew it was only a matter of time. It is sad that we lost such a wonderful and hilarious woman in our family. She will certainly be missed.

I don't yet know about funeral details, but I am going to try and make it. Friends from school have been asking if I will be taking time off this week for the funeral. I have been talking with my family, and they are adamant that I not come home for the funeral unless I can get away without affecting my kids. My family really is wonderful. I have not made a decision on whether I will attend or not. It is all dependent on when the services will take place.

On Saturday evening, I had tickets to see the national tour of "In the Heights." I have been excited for weeks to see this musical again. It is one of my favorites. I love the music and the story line. I was even more excited by the fact I had 2nd row orchestra center seats. I was ecstatic. The show started at 8PM! I was sitting among several retired couples. I was curious to see how they reacted to the story and the music. As the show began I took off singing every single word of the musical. (Yes, I am one of those people who will sing the entire show if I know it.) Just a little FYI, I ended up just mouthing the words. I did not want to disturb those around me. One lady behind me noticed me singing throughout the first act. During the intermission she and I were talking. She knew I had seen the show before, and this was her first time seeing it. I was surprised at just how much she had loved it. We talked about the story line, the writer of the show (Lin-Manuel Miranda), and the history of the show. It was the best intermission I have ever had. She and I became soul mates!

One new experience for me in this show was the fact I cried during the second act. It revolves around the loss of one of the most beloved characters in the show. There are two songs in the show that get me every time. Some how I caught myself actually crying this time. It was just moving. I think a lot of it had to do with the fact I was on the second row and I could see the emotions on the actors' faces. It is one of the reason I love being up close during a show. It was wonderful.

Seeing the show was exactly what I needed as a release from the week. I left that theater with just an overwhelming feeling of peace. Love it!

The drive home was difficult. It was a two-hour drive to get home. After about an hour of driving, I was exhausted. I pulled off and decided to lock down the car so I could nap for about 30 minutes. (Right...30 minutes.) That supposed-half hour ended up being 3 hours. I was supposed to get home around 1AM, but I did not make it into my driveway until 4AM. I instantly hit the bed when I made it in the house. I was out.

Today, I did not get up until around 11AM. I had to get some work done, so I got up and showered. I made it out of the house around 12:30, and instantly headed for school. I was there for about 2 hours today writing lesson plans, finishing up PowerPoints, and making copies needed for Monday. What's funny about this is that I am not teaching. Why am I doing so much work when my student-teacher should be doing all of this? It doesn't make much sense.

This afternoon, I decided to go to the movies. Yes, I went to see Breaking Dawn: Part I. It was definitely an interesting sequel to the series. I won't say it was the best of the series, but I did enjoy it. I am excited to see the final movie next year.

It has been a weekend of ups and downs. Luckily, this week is only a two-day workweek!

Talk to everyone soon!
Joey

Why?

Today I was reading several different papers online, and I stumbled across the following article.

CLICK HERE


Let me just begin with saying that this supposed state representative is a complete and udder idiot. Not that I am saying my local representatives are much better. However, this guy is the king of the idiots. I am sitting here in such disbelief by the comments made by this man. What's worse is some of the public comments to the article made on the paper's website. Obviously there are other idiots who feel the same way. I thank God that I am not one of them.

It is times like these that I am ashamed to be living in a state where such hatred, racism, and bigotry are alive and well. I would love nothing more than to kick people like these idiots out of my state...and eventually my country. However, I know that no matter where we go, there will always be stupidity. What's worse is that stupidity seems to lead the ignorant.

I know teens and adults who believe such nonsense simply because they don't know any better. They haven't taken the time to get to know those who are Muslim or done any research into the Islamic faith. I work very hard each day to teach tolerance, acceptance, understanding, and appreciation for those who are different from you and I. I love being able to teach students the truth out there in the world. What gives me hope is the look on these kids faces when they hear of such stupidity in the world. They cannot understand the levels of hatred being spewed in this world. My hope is that the upcoming generations will be able to eradicate hatred, racism, and bigotry.

To my friends who are Muslim, please know that I love you, and there are so many others in this world who love you. Please don't let the stupid ramblings of the uneducated and intolerant get to you. Please ignore them. The only reason most of these people make such comments is to get into the news. Well, it worked in this case.

CLICK THE PICTURE TO GO TO AN AWESOME MUSIC VIDEO

REBA MCENTIRE - WHAT IF

There is Hope...In the Heights

Having a pretty rough day. All the thoughts of the week just flooded back over me as I was at the school today preparing for my observation that occurs in the morning. I had to get out of there. I came straight home. I felt completely lost. Been sitting on the couch most of the day waiting to fall asleep.

However, there is some hope!

A few minutes ago I decided to see what was playing in the area...concerts, shows, etc. I was surprised to find that the North American tour of "In the Heights" will be near me in two weeks. I absolutely love this show. It is truly amazing. There truly are no words to describe how it can make you feel.

Instantly, I bought my ticket to the show. The nice surprise is where my seat is located...2nd row center. This made my day and week. Hopefully this will give me something to look forward to and get my mind off of the past few days.

Worst Day of My Life

This past week is one that I am more than happy to forget, but I doubt that will happen anytime soon.

Wednesday was a day that I was not looking forward to seeing. We had a meeting scheduled with the parents of one of my students. This is a student who has a hearing impairment, but it is totally corrected with his hearing aids. His mother continued to make excuses for his behaviors and his lack of work ethic. She continually sends us nasty emails and wants us to make concessions to lower our expectations of him. Sorry, I don't lower my expectations for any student. If we don't push them beyond their limits they will never strive for more.

So we get to the meeting at 12:45 Wednesday afternoon. In attendance for this meeting were me, my two teammates, the hearing specialist for the school system, the system diagnostician, our principal, the director of special education for the system, the parents, and the psychologist hired by the parents. As we all sat down for the meeting I saw the stepfather lean over to the mother and whisper "It's us versus them." I knew at that point we were headed for trouble.

The meeting began with the mother expressing her concerns and demands. We spent the first hour explaining what we expected in our classes and our daily routines. The psychologist continued to interrupt us and kept saying what we were doing would be ineffective for the child since his learning disabilities were so severe. At 1:45 I stopped the meeting to let them know our kids were coming back to class. I asked my student teacher to go back to my class, one teammate went back to her class, and two of us stayed in the meeting to finish up.

For the second hour of the meeting, the school psychologist decided he wanted to run the meeting. He kept shelling out all these observations he had made and what needed to be done to help the child. At one point, the psychologist made an inappropriate comment about the teachers and how we had no clue what was going on with the student. It was right then that I stopped him. I basically told him that his comments were offensive and not appreciated in the slightest. I told him I have been teaching for a number of years and have seen all types of students, and we continually work to make sure ALL my students succeed. I was fed up with all his comments and it had to be stopped. He was doing nothing except add tension and issues in this meeting.

Around 2:20, I excused myself from the meeting because it was about time for our students to transition to the end of day activities. I was needed with my kids more than in that meeting. I get back to my classroom and was filling in my student teacher as to what had happened. As I spoke with her I noticed my left hand was twitching...not shaking, it was twitching! I felt my anger begin to rise, so I excused myself from the classroom and headed for one of the workrooms.

I shut the door to the workroom and totally lost it. I was leaning against the wall and began to cry. My anger continued to rise, and I was then yelling out, kicking the wall, hitting the doors, stomping the floor, praying, etc. I had never been to this level before. I lost all control of my emotions. I stayed in the workroom because it was a safe and secure place to be. I finally calmed down and went back to my classroom. It was the last few minutes of the day, and I saw my kids off for home. They knew something was up, and kept asking if I was okay. I assured them I was okay and would be back to normal in the morning.

Once the kids left, I kept thinking back to the meeting. I once again lost control of my emotions. I just sat in the center of my classroom and began to cry. There I was just rocking back and forth as I lost control of myself. I had to turn on some music just to calm myself down. A few of my friends came into my room to just chat (which was normal), and they were shocked to find me in that state. I asked them all to leave so I could compose myself. It took me a while to quit the crying, shaking, rocking, etc.

Our faculty meeting began at 3:00, but I was in no state to attend. I finally gathered my composure at 3:30 and went to the meeting. However, as I sat in the meeting all I could think about was the earlier events. I just got angry again, and I left the meeting at 3:35. Once I got back to my room, the crying resumed. However, this time I was pacing the floor by doing continuous laps around my student desks. As I was pacing, I also found my left hand continue to twitch. I could not stop it. I was not myself in any manner. I had lost all control. There was no stopping the twitching, the crying, or the pacing. It just had to play out. I continued it all until about 5:15 or so.

What stopped it all? One of my friends came down to my room after the faculty meeting to check on me. I was able to stop and focus enough to talk with her. I could not sit down, though. The hand was still twitching, but I had stopped the crying and pacing. After talking with my friend, I was able to sit down and try to relax for a bit.

I gathered myself and my belonging, then I left the school around 6:30. I got home and fielded several phone calls from those who found out about the meeting and my breakdown. As I tried to explain what went down, I saw my hand begin to twitch again. I finally made the decision to not speak of it again for a few days.

All I can say about what had happened is that I have never seen myself in that state before. I am typically excellent at controlling my emotions. However, something snapped that day, and I had no control. I have been left completely confused as to why I was unable to control myself. It has scared me for days. It has seemingly controlled my life since then. I am afraid that I can somehow get to that state again, and I NEVER want to see that side again.

One more point...the worst part of all this is the feelings of being alone that I have felt.

For now, I am good. I am being careful about what I discuss when friends and family call to check up on me. I have been distancing myself this week just so that I can get back in control of my emotions. I have spent the weekend not interacting with anyone. I have just been keeping to myself.

Thanks for listening, my friends! Talk to you soon.

Closet Confessions

Yes, I realize that yesterday, October 11, was National Coming Out Day! However, I have toiled with this post for a few days. 

National Coming Out Day is meant to be a day when all those in the LGBT community unite and support those making their way out of the proverbial closet. Yesterday I read through a number of facebook posts and blogs which were all geared towards National Coming Out Day. I read of those who were making a public statement to all they know. I read coming out stories of the past. I read of those still struggling to build up the courage and make their way out of the closet. As I read these stories and proclamations of life, I was left wondering where I fell into the spectrum. 

First, let me just get it out of the way. Yes, I am a gay man. I cannot tell you how many years (and they were many, many years) it took me to even have the ability to say that out loud. I spent the the time from entering college up until my 30th birthday ignoring and hiding from who I was in this life. I worked very hard to keep the denial going. I threw myself into two college degrees, two different careers, and countless amounts of volunteer work. I loved being the busy body, probably because it works well with my ADD. However, in truth, I was hiding from myself. I had no relationships with men or women from the time I ended my engagement to Gwen (at age 22) up until after my 30th birthday. 

My struggles aren't unlike many others in this world. I fought hard not to be gay. There were endless days and nights of my praying to God to take away the gay in me. I told God I didn't understand why I was having these thoughts and feelings. I grew up in the Southern Baptist Church. Like many sects of Christianity, I was taught that homosexuality was wrong and that I would burn in Hell for it. Yes, I had that fear repeating over and over in my head. The fear was so much that I would spend days literally crying our to God. That fear and sadness would eventually turn into anger. My prayers of confusion and pleading led to yelling episodes at God. I would be pacing through my house screaming and yelling at God. I was mad. I did not understand why God would choose to ignore my pleas to remove these thoughts and feelings. Like so many of my students, I was thirsting for information and explanations. I needed to know WHY!

Finally the message from God came. Ironically enough, it came after I decided to let go and stop yelling at God in anger. I ultimately made the choice to listen. The message came through loud and clear through a medium God knew would hit me right in the heart...music. My love of all types of music helped me through this time in my life. It was at that point I received several songs that really touched my heart and put me at peace with who I am...with who I was made to be!Suffice it to say that I still listen to these same songs every week of my life. 

It was around my 30th birthday that I finally made the choice to accept that I am gay. There was this weight lifted off my shoulders. I cannot explain it better than that. Knowing and accepting who I am was a long and arduous journey. At this point, I decided I needed to tell others about what had been going on in my life. Many friends had commented that I had been sad for so long. They wanted to know what had changed. Why was I smiling more? Why did I have a new calmness about me. 

Like many of us, I decided to start with telling my friends. I was not ready to tell my family yet. I wanted to tell those who I knew would support and accept me. Amber is someone I have known since my sophomore year in high school. She was now living up here in my area, and we were in the process of getting to know each other once again. We were at lunch one day, and I finally just had to tell her. Amber's face lit up, and her response was "What took you so long?" Now, let me just stop and say that was not the response I was expecting. You never expect those around you to be so nonchalant about the whole ordeal that takes many of use such grand amounts of strength just to get it out of our mouths. As we sat and talked I just smiled. I couldn't help myself. I was just relieved that I was not losing a good friend. 

The next friend to tell was my best friend, Jenny. I had it all planned out. She and I were meeting up in Virginia one weekend to attend a wedding of one of our college friends. All weekend I tried to work up the courage to tell Jenny what was going on in my life. I just couldn't do it. I had numerous opportunities to tell her, but the lump in my throat was too big. I finally told her as we were about to depart from breakfast on that last day together. I just stopped in the parking lot and worked it out of me. Jenny just smiled, hugged me, and we must have talked for another hour in the parking lot. One thing about telling your best friend is that if they truly are your best friend then nothing would change. And absolutely nothing changed between us. However, the funny part of this was that Jenny outed our friend Jason during our conversation. That cracked me up. 

Since that time, about 4 years ago, I have gone through many different changes in life. 

One of the first changes I made was to begin a blog to help get my thoughts and feelings out of my head. The blogging experience has been a huge blessing for me. Not only has it allowed me to share my life, I have reaped many rewards. The best reward I have received is the friendships I have made through this process. There are those I have spoken with through email, phone, chat, skype, etc. Many of these great friends are the ones who continually read through these rant and rave sessions I put out in the blogosphere! You each mean the world to me, and I am thankful every day for your friendship and love. 

There are a handful of fellow bloggers who have become great close friends of mine. These are the ones who have reached out to me and gotten to know me beyond this blog. These are the ones who have also let me into their lives. These extra-special people hold a piece of my heart, and they are the gifts sent by God! Love you guys! 

One of the most interesting effects of the blog has been my connection to the Mohos of the world. Growing up I only knew 3 people in my entire county who were Mormon. Now I have built numerous great friendships with countless people who happen to have grown up in the Mormon faith. I have learned so much about them, and that is a gift I didn't expect. I have learned a great deal about the Mormon faith and the LDS church. I did not realize how so much of their beliefs and ways of life mirrored my own Southern Baptist upbringing. The comparisons are endless. 

For those of you new to the term, you may be asking "What is a Moho?" Honestly, I had to look it up myself. Moho refers to a homosexual Mormon. I could not even begin to imagine the connections and friendships I have made with those who identify as Moho. I think our similarities in religious beliefs and upbringings made our connections stronger. It is funny at times when some of my Moho friends realize, for the first time, that I am not Mormon. The struggles my Moho friends have had in comparison to mine has led us to great friendships. I value this group of my friends more than I can say. What would my life be without them? I love you guys! 

I have come out to a number of colleagues at my school. Especially in my career and in my volunteer work, I have chosen to not to hide who I am, but I have also chosen not to broadcast it to the world either. Yes, it is a delicate balance. I suppose you can say it is on a need-to-know basis. I don't ask my colleagues whether they are heterosexual, homosexual, or bi-sexual. It is none of my business. However, if a colleague asks me, I have no problem telling them the truth. It is only a part of who I am in this life. Why should it affect how I perform my job? 

I will go on record and say that I have definitely outed myself to a few of the students that I work with in my volunteer associations. The main reason is that these student were struggling with being gay, and I felt they needed someone to speak with who can identify with them and offer sound advice. It has turned out to be a rather good choice for all.

On the flip side of the token, I continue to not publicize being gay due to the area of the country in which I live. I live in a very uber-right wing part of the bible belt. Yes, I have known teachers who have been outed by parents who don't want a gay person teaching their children. While I know that much of what has happened around here is due to the ridiculous stereotypes in the world. While some parents know, these are parents I have known for several years and consider them great friends. These are parents who would come to my defense at any moment I needed them. That does give me some comfort. Does this all mean I live in fear of being outed by a parent? Not in the slightest. If that happens, I will hold my head high and not be ashamed or scared that my job will be gone. 

In fact, I now stand as the current president of our school system's teacher association. I have been the president for the past 3 years. Over the last year, I have been working with our school system leaders to include our LGBT family in employment protection and domestic partner insurance. So I am definitely stepping out there into the bright lights. Again, no fear!

I would like to address the topic of coming out to my family. At this point in life, I have only come out to my dad and my paternal aunt. Do I fear losing some of my family members? Yes I do. Knowing my family, I have no doubt that I will be disowned by certain members of my family. While that does bother me on some level, I also cannot let it rule or ruin my life. Most of the family I will lose are those in my extended family who may not really know me so well. I am aware my dad has told my brother. My brother has not treated me any different, and that makes me happy. While we do not have a close relationship, it is good to know he is accepting of who I am. The only others who I will choose to tell in the near future are my cousins. We are all a close-knit group of cousins, and I do not fear any ill feelings from them. 

The one person in the equation that I have such uncertainty about is my mother. For those of you who have just recently been reading this blog, I must tell you that I did not have a relationship with my mother from age 5 to 18. Since age 18, my mother and I have been rebuilding our mother-son relationship. The rebuilding has been easy for us at times since I am much like her in many ways. (My brother has many of my dad's traits.) She and I have a strong mother-son connection, but it is nowhere near where I would like it to be. I still don't feel my mother knows all about my life. She only gets information about my life when we talk, which is about every other month. However, I cannot imagine my life without her. 

I grew up longing for that love from and relationship with her. I look at the bond my dad had with his mother, and I am jealous. My grandmother had such unbreakable ties with all three of her kids. I longed for that, and I long for it still. 

My fear is that if I choose to come out to my mother then she will choose to sever all ties with me. I have lived through that once as a child. It took many years and therapy for me to work through. I cannot imagine what it will do to me if I have to live through it again. I don't know that I can take losing her a second time in my life. It is quite the conundrum. Do I not tell my mother and continue to try and build a stronger bond? Do I share this part of my life with my mother and risk losing her again? 

There is a third piece of this puzzle. Do I choose not to tell her, and simply restrict that portion of my life from her? Do I choose to only let her in to certain parts of my life?

I apologize for the lengthy (and sometimes random) post tonight. It just seems that flood gates have opened today, and I needed to get this off my chest. Thanks for listening! 

My love to you all!

Joey

I am Such a Sap

I cannot watch this scene without crying. What would it feel like to have such passion?

I Must Be Insane!

Today I get email from my principal asking if I could be interested and willing to take on a student teacher in my classroom for the semester. I was quite shocked. Obviously, I wasn't expecting that to happen. Being the ever-so-cooperative teacher, I graciously accepted the challenge.

My principal came out and spoke with me while I was supervising the car line this afternoon. (One of my many fun responsibilities as a teacher...they put me in charge of managing the unending line of cars, too!) He wanted to talk with me about the student teacher. He told me she (aka the student teacher) was doing her first placement at one of our elementary schools, and she was getting rave reviews. That made me feel better and less nervous. He also told me he selected me since my kids test scores have been at the top for years, and he wanted this student teacher to experience a different style of teaching. Yes, my principal thinks I am a crazy teacher, but we get the job done on my hall! He also wanted to make sure I knew that even though I would not always be directly teaching my kids while the student teacher is in the room I will still be responsible for their success on benchmark and state testing. Yes, I know my name still goes on all those lovely reports, but I am not the least bit concerned. I would never let someone come in and not take care of my kids. I will be there making sure they are learning and retaining the curriculum while trying to help this student teacher experience every aspect of being a teacher.

As I say to my students...SWISS BOVINE (aka HOLY COW)!!!! This is turning out to be one crazy year in teaching. What more can be added to my plate without killing me?
- an insane new evaluation system across the state
- daily concerns and complaints from my teachers about the evaluation system
- continuous talks with state legislators about the new evaluation model
- being the peacekeeper within our schools
- president of the system's teachers' association
- press interviews
- constant meetings
- political action committee
- yearbook advisor
- did I mention I also teach 6th grade?

I refuse to stress about any of this. I will only do as much as I can handle. Not going to kill myself doing all this. It is my life, and I am happy with it most of the time. Perhaps one day I will learn to rest!

Thank You, Rep. Jim Moran!

I've Got a Date

That's right...I've got myself a date later this week. I am extremely nervous about going, but I am excited at the same time!

More details later. Just thought I would share the news!

What Do I Do About Those Bullies

Unless you have been living in total isolation over the past week you have had to hear about another teenager committing suicide after constantly being bullied for being gay. This week, 14 year old Jamey Rodemeyer took his life after years of bullying.



This young man even posted an "It Gets Better" video back in May. It is below.



Today Jamey's family and friends gathered and laid him to rest in New York. My heart goes out to the Rodemeyer family, Jamey's friends, and anyone who has been affected by this sudden loss.

I would be lying if I said his death did not affect me. In fact, it has certainly been on my mind all week. As an educator, I take the issue of bullying any child very seriously. I am fortunate to be in a school and school system that takes a hard stance against bullying of any kind. When there is a bullying issue, we address it swiftly and appropriately. We work very hard to insure students are not bullied.

With that being said, I know someone would say that more bullying happens than of which we are aware. I am aware of that fact. However, we do everything we can possibly do to avert bullying.

On Friday, my students had their monthly guidance lesson. We are blessed to have three of the most incredible guidance counselors in our school. As part of their job, the are tasked with conducting these monthly guidance classes to all 1200+ students. This month, the students on my team had their guidance class during my science block.

The topic of this month's lesson was bullying. Our guidance counselor discussed being a bully, being a victim, and being a bystander, and an upstander. The lesson was fantastic, and the students had great discussion of a range of bullying tactics. Near the end of her lesson she discussed the use of the phrase "that's so gay." I was amazed to hear that from her given her views on homosexuality.

All throughout this lesson, my thoughts went back to Jamey and all the other lost souls over the past few years who have taken their own lives after being bullied. At the same time I was somewhat thankful that I never fell into that pit of despair for being bullied in school.

The last part of the guidance lesson was a poem written by our counselor. She loves to write poetry, and she is rather talented at it. The poem made me almost shed some tears, but I held back. I did ask her if I could share the poem with you, and she sent me a copy. It is written from the perspective of the victim, and as she read it, I pictured Jamey saying this to himself day after day...

What Do I Do About Those Bullies?

(written with permission of the author)

I wish someone would notice.

I sure wish someone would care.

But no one seems to even see me,

Yet, there's people everywhere!

I wish someone would stop

And just ask if I'm okay.

I wish someone could sense the sadness

I live with every day!

Getting bullied really hurts. 

I feel so empty inside.

It is really tough to be here.

I want to run and hide! 

I wish I knew who I could tell. 

I wish I knew what I could do.

I wish the bullies would leave me alone.

That would be my dream come true! 

On the sidebar of my blog you can find more information about the Stop Bullying: Speak Up campaign and even take the pledge to help end bullying! Together we can make a difference! 

Love this story

Wait! Don't I Know You?

This week I was excited to see NBC kick off a third season of The Sing Off. I love a'capella music, so this show plays right up my alley.

This week I was watching the first eight groups compete, and I was blown away be a few of them. However, I don't really want to get into that debate today. I have another motive for this post.

As I was watching one group in particular, I kept getting that odd feeling as though I had seen some of these guys before. I just couldn't exactly pinpoint it for a while...then it hit me. The group I was watching was the University of Rocherster Yellow Jackets. Below is their performance this week.



It wasn't until the judges comments were made, and the cameras kept going back to the members of the group, that I finally realized how I knew some of these guys. I saw a couple of them on a youtube video.

Which video, you may ask...(see below)



This is the shot during the show when I figured it out:

The two guys in the back!!!!!

I did some "investigative searching" and found I was correct. I looked up the group's website, and I found both stars of the video:

 

So now I can finally put faces and names with the video. What made me feel better was the knowledge that I wasn't totally insane...I WAS RIGHT!

Foreign Film Weekend

This weekend I spent some time watching a few movies that have been in my Netflix cue for some time. I have never been one too keen on foreign films. However, I spent Saturday evening reading English subtitles. I loved it.

I focused on gay foreign films, not really knowing what I would find. I knew I was not looking for porn. I wanted drama, something intellectual, etc. What I ended up with were several movies that really made you think, made you wonder what if, and just about tore my heart out.

Here is what I watched so far this weekend...

Time to Leave (France)

David's Birthday (Spain)

Plan B (Argentina)

Saturn in Opposition (Italy)

I enjoyed my gay foreign film weekend. I am now dying to see more subtitles...

What Am I Reading?

As a teacher, I find myself reading a slew of teen literature for pleasure. Not that I have that much free time to read for pleasure, but when I do I find myself going to those teen books. (For the record, I have a fascination with biographies/autobiographies. However, sometimes I just need a different level of book.) 


A few months ago I began purchasing digital books to go on my iPad. I gathered quite a virtual library for summer reading. Sadly, I did not get to most of the books I had purchased. They have just been sitting in my iPad's virtual library. 


That all changed this week. I was at a point of needing to just sit quietly on my couch for a while and relax. I opened up the first book that I had downloaded, and I read straight through all 272 pages. 


The book I was reading is called "The God Box," by Alex Sanchez. Below is the product description from Amazon:


Paul, a religious teen living in a small conservative town, finds his world turned upside down when he meets Manuel—a young man who says he’s both Christian and gay, two things that Paul didn’t think could coexist in one person. Doesn’t the Bible forbid homosexuality? As Paul struggles with Manuel’s interpretation of the Bible, thoughts that Paul has long tried to bury begin to surface, and he finds himself re-examining his whole life. This is an unforgettable book on an extremely timely topic that strives to open minds on both ends of the spectrum.

Since I normally read biographies, my emotional responses to books are rather limited unless it is someone with whom I am infatuated. This teen fiction book, however, sent me into an emotional tailspin. I found myself identifying and inserting myself into the character of Paul. I felt his pain, anguish, confusion, and anger that were raging inside of him as he struggled to find a balance between his thoughts of guys and his Christianity. 


I know those thoughts all too well. I had this same struggle all throughout my twenties. I suppressed those feeling for most of a decade. Growing up in the southern baptist church, I was taught that being gay was wrong. It was so ingrained in my beliefs and mind, that any thoughts of being gay sent me into a deep depression. Not being a person who can sit and be depressed for too long, I had to get moving. I threw myself into school work, my career, volunteer work, etc. I did everything I could not to have to deal with any thoughts of being gay. 


There is a part of the book when Paul's abuelita (grandmother) talks to him and tells him it is okay to get mad at God. It is quite a revelation for Paul, and there is a scene when he is driving that he finally releases his anger. I have this mental image of him screaming at the top of his lungs at God while barreling down the highway. I can just see the looks on the faces of passersby as they drove past this young man yelling in his car. What must they be thinking about him? 


I have to admit that I completely understand this scene. It brought back vivid memories from about 4 years ago when I was so angry that I was literally thrashing around the house screaming and yelling at the top of my lungs during my prayer time. Yes, I was mad and screaming at God. I was finally at a point in my life where I was facing the fact I am gay and trying to reconcile that with my Christian beliefs. It was quite a dark period for me. Never before had I yelled at God. (Perhaps I was always afraid he might strike me dead with a bolt of lightning if I had yelled at him.) I remember the pain! 


The book's climax scene is something that tore my heart in two. I literally had a lump in my throat, and I was fighting back tears. My imagination was definitely allowing me to see the scenes play out in this book. Again, I think part of it had to do with the fact I had put so much of myself into Paul's character. I was sitting here feeling every ounce of Paul's sadness and fear throughout the last part of the book. It really is rather difficult to describe without giving away parts of the book, and I don't want to do that. Let me just say this...be ready for your heart to be ripped out. 


By the end of the book, I found myself wanting what Paul had finally found in this story. Yes, I found myself envious of what a senior high school character from a teen fiction book had finally found in his life. It is exactly what I want for my life.


Is that wrong? I don't think so. I believe it gives me hope and a goal for the future. 


So, with that, I will end with this off-sided review. I would like to say that I am extremely surprised and uplifted by this new genre I have discovered...teen LGTBQ books. As a teacher, I think it is important to help out youth through life. There will always been teens who are questioning who they are in life, and some of them will turn to literature for stories, guidance, etc. I am glad to see there are books like "The God Box" that offer students a look into a teenager's struggles with his orientation and his religion. I am thankful to those authors who are making an effort to support our youth with a genre of books that they go to when needed. Consequently, I think books such as this one should be read by anyone who is facing the same struggles I and Paul found ourselves in at different points of our lives. 


I have moved on to another of Alex Sanchez's books. This one is called "So Hard to Say." This one is about a 13-year old growing up trying to discover who he is in this life. I am only about 50 pages into it...I only began it today. Looks good so far! 

A Day Just for Me

Rarely do I take the time to just let go and be free from responsibility. Being that this is a holiday weekend, turns out I have Monday off of work. That gives me some extra time to spare, so I decided it was time for a "Me" day.

I awoke this morning around 7AM. I had to get an early start to my day. I showered, got dressed, and dashed out the door by 7:45. It took me about an hour to drive into Asheville, NC. I knew I had to be in Asheville before 9AM. I parked downtown and walked to my favorite restaurant in town...Tupelo Honey Cafe. It truly is an amazing restaurant. They open at 9AM, and I arrived at 8:55. There was a long line to get in even before they opened the doors. I got in and sat at the bar, which is right in front of the kitchen staff. I find it fascinating to watch their kitchen staff. They are truly seamless!

I got my order in by 9:05. I looked around and the restaurant was already full, and the wait staff had already started a waiting list. I was shocked! My waiter brought me a giant biscuit with a homemade blueberry jam and some Tupelo honey. It is a delicious way to start the morning. A bit later they brought me my order, fried chicken and biscuits in a spicy white gravy. Every bite was heaven. Ugh!

After breakfast, I made the drive over to the Biltmore Estate for my tour. I ended up purchasing a season pass (I know I will come back for at least Christmas), which took forever. The 2-mile drive up to the main house is peaceful and beautiful. I drove extra slow just so that I could enjoy the beauty of nature.

The house is beautiful. It is in phenomenal shape for a 116 year-old house. Every time I go to visit, it feels like the first time I saw it. It is awe-inspiring! The tour took me about 2 hours. I did take some extra time to sit outside of tapestry room enjoying the beauty of the mountains and the cool breeze.

After my tour, I spent some time touring the grounds. You can literally spend a full day or two just touring the grounds. They have added so much to the grounds, and I was surprised. You can now take a bicycle tour of the grounds, a tour on a Segway, a carriage tour, and even an antique car tour of the grounds. I didn't do any of those, but it gives me something to do in the future.

I decided to have lunch on the grounds. I chose to eat at the Bistro outside of the Winery. I began with a bowl of roasted tomato and fennel bisque. The main course was a deep-dish quiche Lorraine. Every bite was sheer bliss. Then my wonderful waitress offered up the dessert menu. Rarely do I have dessert, especially at lunch. However, I was in the mood to treat myself, thus is chose to have the buttermilk pie.

It only added to my bliss. Lunch was worth every expensive penny! One side note about lunch was the couple that was seated to my right. It was a gay couple who were just enjoying their equally expensive lunch. They looked so happy together, and I found myself wanting to be just like them. Ironically, I ran into them again while I was shopping in downtown Asheville.

Speaking of shopping in downtown Asheville, I found a huge sale on summer sandals. For those who know me well, they would tell you I live in sandals and flip-flops. The sale going on was 30% off the already reduced shoes. I ended up purchasing several pair of Teva flip-flops for less than $10 each, and I got a wonderful pair of Chacos for only $30. I was in "hog heaven."

I enjoyed the rest of my time in downtown Asheville just walking from shop to shop. Asheville is by far on of my favorite cities to peruse.

I got home just in time for the thunderstorms to hit. I sat with the front door and the living room windows open just to hear the rolling storms pass. It was a nice way to wind down the evening.

It was so nice to have a day to myself. I so rarely get to have those anymore.

Where Did the Weekend Go?

Greetings, friends!

Seriously, where did my weekend go? It seems like such a whirlwind of a weekend. It is difficult to imagine that it is already time to go back to work tomorrow morning!

Throughout last week I had made plans to visit some of my favorite people on the planet. Friday came around, and I left school as soon as I was done ushering through the extraordinarily long car line that amasses each day. As always, I got stuck in some traffic on my way through Knoxville. I texted my friends to let them know I would be arriving at about 6:30 central time.

I arrived at the door and was instantly and enthusiastically welcomed by my hosts for the night... Mikeal and Mandi. Actually, Mikeal greeted me at the door with a big hug. Mandi was slaving away in the kitchen! Dare I forget to mention that there was an additional blond head in the house that night...Miles! We sat down to dinner. Mandi wanted to introduce Miles to the southern specialty of beans and cornbread. Let me tell you, that woman can cook! It was delicious! Miles had made some additional bread for the meal. I definitely got my load of carbs for the weekend. (By the way, Miles...the bread was incredible!)

The rest of the evening was spent sitting around the table talking about this and that. We got to see various pictures from Mikeal's computer, then Miles showed us pictures from his 6-week trip to an orphanage in Ethiopia. (Yes, the guy is amazing!) I must mention that I was in the presence of Mac maniacs. Everywhere I turned there was a Mac laptop, a Mac desktop, several different iPods. They love their Macs!

I awoke the next morning to the sounds of the three cutest kids on the planet scurrying upstairs. Once I made my bed I got myself up the stairs to the main floor. Mikeal was in the midst of making breakfast for the brood. I think he referred to them as swedish pancakes. (Mikeal, my apologies if I am wrong.) Nonetheless, they were delicious. Little HMJ put three of them away...far more than anyone else. I think Peach finally caught up to him later.

Sadly, I had to leave my favorite family because I was due at my annual family reunion about an hour away. I did not want to leave. I could spend days and weeks with them. I wish they would adopt me! (Hey, free child care here.)

I got to my family reunion just in time. When I got there I almost did not get out of the car. I did not really want to be there this year. In fact, I had mad plans not to be there until my great aunt Betty called me and demanded I be there with a mandarin orange cake in tow. I obliged. Walking up to the family I realized it was much smaller than it had been in years past. Growing up we would attend this reunion with over 200 family members in attendance. In the past few years that number has diminished. I counted about 75 people there this year. It was hard being there. My dad was out of the state, and my Aunt Sue (the matriarch of my family) was not there either.

I stayed for about an hour. The food was phenomenal, as always. My great aunt Sarah always makes several pots of chicken-and-dumplings from scratch, and it is the best part of the meal. Honestly, just put them in an IV and hook me up! Yummmmmmmm!

While I was in town, I made the 10-minute drive out to the lake-side cemetary to visit one relative who has not been able to attend the reunion in 7 years...my grandmother. Every time I am in town, I make it a point to visit her. She was my best friend, and I miss her dearly. I took a picture of her tombstone this time, which I have never done before. I forgot that Boo and I were taking pictures before I left M&M that morning. The picture was beautiful, and I was just surprised by it. I will try to post it later if I can get it from my phone.

Got back home Saturday night just in time for a party fundraiser. That's right, I love me some politics, so I attended a fundraiser/rally. I loved it. I got all fired up and was ready to ouster some legislators in our state. We really need to get rid of some of them. I will save the naming of names for another day.

Fast forward to today...Sunday. This afternoon I made my way over to my school to get some work done. However, I hung out for about 45 minutes before I gave up. I had zero motivation to do anything. Instead, I found my car driving over to Kohls, Target, etc. I went to one of our beautiful state parks here in the mountains and walked for a bit. I found the most incredible kids playground ever. I believe they referred to it as a boundless playground. They weren't kidding. It was a kid's fantasy playground. Even I wanted to go play around.

All-in-all, I had a wonderful weekend. Friday night was definitely the best part of my weekend. Thanks to Mandi, Mikeal, the munchkins, and the incomparable Miles for making this weekend the best I have had in a very long time!

Lonely is the Name of the Game

Not totally sure how this post is going to go, but let's begin...

Over the past few weeks school has begun. We are now into our third full week of school. I cannot believe that, but it is true. The first two weeks seemed to drag on some days while flying by on others. It has had a number of challenges already. (Students suspended for fighting, a student suspended for inappropriate writing, a new student who cries every morning before coming in, etc.)

I will say that it has been wonderful getting to see, talk, and interact with my colleagues and friends. I have missed "my people." Every day I am surrounded by people who love me and want me around.

Why, then, do I feel so alone?

As I sit here writing this a wave of confusion and sadness are coming over me. I don't quite know how to explain it. I got home around 5PM on Friday and pretty much locked myself away in my house for the night. On Saturday I laid around in bed until 1PM. I then got up and made the hour-long drive across the state line to Asheville, NC. I did a bit of shopping while there, and then I went to the movies.

I went to see "The Help." It was just what I needed! It was funny, emotional, and thought-provoking...just my type of movie. While in the theater it really hit me that I was there alone. I was glad to have these two women sitting next to me during the movie. It was a packed house, so there was no space between us. They were funny, and I felt somewhat less alone at that point. However, looking around the theater it was clear to me that I was one of the few people who came to the theater alone. That was a hard realization.

Of course, today is Sunday. I did not get up in time to make it to church. I rolled out of bed and headed into my school to get some housecleaning items taken care of. I graded some folders, wrote some emails, made some copies, but then I gave up and came home.

Now, as I sit here in this quiet house, it is just me and the thoughts running through my head.

Why am I so alone? Why have I spent so much of my life secluded from others?

I needed something to help cheer me up, and this song is my go-to song when I need a pick-me-up.

Will I be alone forever? I hope not? But, I need to figure out how to come out of my secluded shell.

On another note, I have applied for a new job. This one would require me to live in the Nashville area. I think it is time for me to relocate and start anew. The job I have applied for is a Communications Associate. It is a far cry from teaching middle school children, but this would be a job with the state teachers union. I would still be working with the teachers and for a better education system. I don't expect to get the job as I am not totally qualified for this job. However, I am hoping that my passion for the association and my willingness to learn will propel me to the front of the line.

Thanks for listening to the randomness that is my mind.

Love you all!

And the Honor Goes to...

School is back in session!

We began classes last Thursday with our kids. We have quite the interesting group. I will write more about the kids as time goes on. I can guarantee you this...it is going to be an interesting year!

Yesterday was the first Monday of the year. Boy, was it a Monday!

Monday morning began with a colleague of mine coming into my classroom before school began to talk with me about a parent. Seems there is a parent in our system who has decided to file a complaint with the Office of Civil Rights, in Atlanta! She is claiming our system is discriminating against her son because of his disability...autism. So I spent some time in the morning reading over the emails and the complaint filed by this parent.

To add to my fun of the day, I had two girls come up to me after lunch claiming a 7th grade boy clapped one of them in the back of the head while in the lunch line. They also said he was doing pelvic thrusts towards the same girl. Had to report this boy (not on my team...thank goodness) to our new assistant principal. God bless her!

At the end of the day, we took our kids outside for some release and downtime. My teammate walked under a tree for some shade. We turn around and two of our boys are rolling around on the ground punching each other. My teammate is screaming for them to stop, and I am on the ground pulling the boys apart. Once I get them apart, I am holding on to one of the boys while having the other boy circling me like he is a predator and the boy I am holding back is the prey. Add to it, the boy I didn't have a hold of was rigid, his head down, eyes rolled back in his head, huffing and puffing, snot coming out his nose, etc. I would have sworn he was possessed. Exorcism seemed to be the order of the day.

While holding back the one boy, I had the radio in the other hand yelling for our police office and one of the three principals to come outside quickly. Boy, did they ever! Within 60 second we had all three principals and our police office running outside. I took the one boy I had a hold of into the office while the rest of them dealt with our possessed child.

The scary thing was the boy I brought in was as cool as a cucumber. He acted like nothing had happened. It was odd. We talked about what had happened, and then he asked me the strangest question. He asked if I thought he would get home by 3 pm. I asked him why, and he stunned me further by saying he had a court date at 3:30. Yes, my 11-year old little boy is on probation for vandalism.

While talking with this one student, I saw the police office escorting my other student into the office. He was kicking, screaming, and saying he didn't care if he went to jail. They finally got him into the main principal's office. Mother was called.

The mother of the probation child came into pick up her son. She sat there and told us flat-out that she did not know what to do. She claimed she didn't have any control of her sons. She then proceeded to tell me her other son (a former student of mine) has been on house arrest, probation, and now DCS has removed him from the home.

The second mother came into the office and told the principal that she would support whatever decision he made concerning her son. She also took the time to explain some of the circumstances surrounding her son. I did not get to meet her yet. What I was told is that she is well-educated, well-spoken, polite, and supportive. (This is a type of parent that we get fewer of every year!)

So the decision of the principals was to give both boys two days of summary-suspension. This means that when they return, they will meet with the parents, principal, guidance counselors, and the school psychologist to determine if it is safe for them to return to the classroom.

Seems my team has the honor of having the first students of the year to be suspended! That is not quite the honor I was hoping to have this year, but it had to happen to someone. Did I mention how fast word spread around the school. Seems every teacher that I ran into in the hall after school was asking what had happened. Amazing how fast the news spreads in my school of 89 teachers!

There you have it...the beginning of my school year. It is certainly unlike any year I have had before!

The Cost of Sacrifice

Wow! It is 2:45 AM, and I am still awake. I seriously need to get some sleep. However, I feel the need to blog since it has been a while since my last post!

I want to take up the topic of sacrifice.

Looking at www.dictionary.com, the definition of sacrifice is the surrender or destruction of something prized or desirable for the sake of something considered as having a higher or more pressing claim.

This year, for me, has been one of great sacrifice. Earlier this year I made the choice to sacrifice my involvement in a wonderful state (and national) youth organization that I have loved and devoted a great amount of time to over the past 13 years. Just a rough estimate I would tell you that I have devoted over 75 weeks of time through various week-long camps and conferences, judging events, etc. I dare to say that this estimate is low, but it is what I came up with on short notice. I realize that 75 weeks is roughly 16 months of my life.

Why would I devote so much of my life to this youth organization? It is simple…I strongly believe in the achievements of this organization. I have seen thousands of students come through this organization. I have been continually amazed at the life skills these students obtain that can put them ahead of their counterparts who do not take part in this organization. I have been blessed and privileged to be intimately part of dozens of these students’ and families’ lives. In fact, I have gained many life-long friends (young and old) as a result of this organization. In truth, I have learned many skills that I now employ in my adult life. So my involvement has been mutually beneficial.

Today I made the (4-5 hour) drive to Nashville to check in at my hotel. I am here this week for training, and my hotel reservations began today. (For those of you on my facebook account, check out the pictures. It is a rather posh hotel!) Once I got checked in, I changed clothes and got back in my car. I then drove an additional 2.5 hours further west where the youth organization was conducting a state-wide event for high schoolers called Roundup. It is a week of academic competitions where students are awarded scholarships for college. There is lots of fun and education factored into this week. Since I could not go this week due to this training session, I wanted to be there at least tonight.

When I said I made a sacrifice this year, I was not kidding. I abruptly resigned from three state committees that I either chaired or was a member of at the time. One of those state positions was on the State Council. The Council is a group of 20 high schoolers, 2 adult voting members (me being one of them), and one advisor. Leaving the Council was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I love these guys and girls. They are some of the brightest, respectful, and loving people I know. I have not seen many of them since the last meeting I attended in the Winter.

When I arrived at the auditorium, I was bombarded by youth and adult volunteers who were shocked and happy to see me there. (I decided to make it all a surprise. I wasn’t sure that I would make it there tonight, and I did not want to disappoint.) I ended up hugging and talking to them all for quite some time before the Opening Assembly and “Pageant” took place. It was wonderful to see them all. I didn’t realize just how much I had missed them all until I was there among them.

As I watched the Assembly and Pageant from my usual spot in the balcony area, overlooking the youth, I was greeted with tons of students finding me up there and waving me down. The pageant is a series of skits put on by the State Council. I was supposed to be part of the skit, but that changed when I resigned. It was a blast to watch. These kids really are talented and amazing.

After the Assembly, the students were divided off into their geographical regions for regional meetings. At tonight’s meetings, each district would nominate and elect their choice for State Council president, vice-president, and junior representatives for the council. Somehow, I was instantly put to the podium to lead the elections process. It has been my job for years now, and they figured I might as well keep doing it. I was happy to take part. I actually love the election process. It teaches these students a great deal about public speaking, the elections procedure, etc.

Tonight I stood up there like a proud father as several of my students that I have worked with for several years were nominated and elected. My favorite student in this organization is Daniel. I have worked with him for several years now, and I have had the opportunity to help him grow from an unsure and quiet pre-teen to a self-confident, well-spoken, and intelligent young man. (I cannot take all the credit…he has an incredible family unit.) It has been my privilege to work with Daniel through the years. I truly consider him a good friend. We have this bond that has grown over the years. Tonight, he was elected to be our region’s candidate for State Council president. I am sure I had this stupid grin on my face after that vote. I looked over at Daniel and just gave him that look of “I told you so!” He was so unsure about running, but I know him and how others perceive him. He is everyone’s choice.

After the meeting and election, I spent some time talking with the State Council members. It was nice just to stand there are catch up with them all. I have missed so much this year in their lives. They are a riot, and I love just being around them all.

Daniel ended up pulling me aside to talk with me. He and I talked about how it stunk for me not to be around this year. Daniel told me that it just has not been the same this year with my absence. That made me pretty sad. I know that this sacrifice that I have made has really affected others in way I could not comprehend. I have been feeling as though I abandoned my kids. That is not something I wanted to do, but I knew that the youth organization would go on successfully. I was needed this year to be full-on as the president of our teachers’ association. I have spent much of my year fighting legislators in Nashville. It has left me little time for other things. But, I knew my teachers needed someone to be their voice on the hill. I am glad to have been there, but now I am seeing the cost of that sacrifice I made.

Tonight, as I left the campus to head back to my hotel, I was overcome with a feeling of sadness. It was heavy and it hit me quickly. Though I did not shed a tear, there was this awful lump in my throat. I realized just how much these kids (excuse me…young adults) have meant to my life over the years. I just sat in my car for a few minutes and had to pray. I needed to let this out, and God seemed like the best person to hear this.

I realized tonight that I need to make time to be around these young men and women. I want to continue to be in their lives. I want to be there as a support system for them. I want to be there and offer advice on colleges, life, etc. Yes, some of them will go on with life and never look back, but there are some that I know will be in my life, and I in theirs, for the rest of our lives. I do consider some of them very good friends.

Was the sacrifice justified at the time…Yes. I had to make a hard choice as to where to devote my time and energy. I believe I made the right choice.

Does it hurt…Yes! More than I can truly express here.

Will I ever get back into this organization I love so much…I truly hope so!

Now, I am going to stop here. I am phasing in and out of consciousness. It is time to close this out and get to sleep. Thanks for listening, my friends. I truly am grateful to each of you for your love and support.

Take Care!

Joey