What Will 2010 Hold?

2009 has been a year of many great highs and some lows. I have seen many aspects of my life progress and change. I thought I would spend a few moments reflecting on what has happened in my life. 

One of the biggest surprises of my year has been how much I am finally becoming comfortable with who I am in this life. That seems so strange for me to say. I have always been my harshest critic and it often causes me great amounts of stress. However, this year I decided sometime early on to just roll with the punches. I miraculously made the decision to let life play out as it may. For the most part, it has worked out rather well. 

Another huge happening in my life is that I came out to my Aunt and my Dad. Coming out to my Aunt was definitely easier for me than telling Dad. I know where my Aunt stands on so many issues simply because she and I have these very lengthy discussions about life. My Dad was another story. I knew he would be supportive (at least that's what I kept telling myself), but I didn't know to what extent he would be accepting. Then...bam...it happened. I was passing through town one weekend on the way back to my house and I stopped in to see my Dad. I ended up coming out to him then, and believe me when I tell you it was most definitely unplanned. After I left his house, I literally pulled off to the shoulder of the interstate and had to vomit. My nerves had gotten to me. But, my Dad has been nothing but the loving father he has always been and always will be. He is an incredible man. 

There were many professional successes in my life. First, I was elected to be the president of our local teachers' union. I am now the face of the teachers' union in our school district. I have the honor of helping lead our organization to be the support and advocate for our teachers and students. Second, I was elected the chairman of one of the state committees I chair for a state youth organization. I was very touched to be elected. I get to work with some of the most incredible volunteers and youth from across our great state. Also, I was recently appointed to the governing body for our state youth organization. It is a huge responsibility to be part of the committee that will steer this state program for a number of years. 

I got to see the west coast of the United States for the first time in my life. Even though I have traveled far and wide, I had never been to the western half of the USA. I was just in awe of the sheer beauty of San Diego, CA. I so wanted to move there and live. I gave it a great amount of thought, but when I saw the shape their economy was in I gave it a second thought. 

I began to date this year. While I didn't do an extensive amount of dating, it was amazing that I even allowed myself to venture out on that limb of life. Being one who has horrible trust and commitment issues, you have to admit that it is a miracle I made the leap of faith to allow someone else into my life. 

I got to see the Broadway show The Color Purple for the first time this year. I have read the book and seen the movie, but this was the one part of The Color Purple that I had not yet experienced. It sent chills up and down my spine during the entire performance. It even brought a few tears to my eyes. What an incredible story being told on that stage. If you have not seen it...get yourself a ticket and check it out. 

This next one is not an achievement of mine, but I have to mention it. My best friend, Jen, has finally found herself a man who is perfect for her. For so many years she has been through hell with the guy she had dated. He was awful for her, and I never could understand why she even bothered going back to him time and time again. But, now, she has been dating this guy we both have known since high school. He has been nothing short of amazing to and for Jen. I have never heard this much peace and joy in Jen's voice that I am hearing these days. I smile now just thinking of it. Come on...the guy flies into her town every weekend he is off of work. (He lives in Florida and she lives in North Carolina.) Now, that is dedication. I hope that 2010 finds wedding bells for the two of them. 

2009 was the year I began to blog. I had resisted it for so many years, but now I can't seem to stop. I have met some pretty amazing people on here, and I gotten to personally meet some of the most incredible people you could ever meet. I do hope to get the opportunity to meet more of you as I travel this year. One can never have too many friends. Thanks to all of you for coming along on my journey, and for allowing me to be a part of yours. 

The biggest change for me this year is that I am making the decision to leave my job as a teacher. Something inside of me flipped a switch this summer and I now see my role in education to be one of an advocate for teachers and students. I want to use my voice to speak for those who want be heard in our legislature. I hope to hear about a possible job change in less than two weeks from now. If that happens I will be leaving my school in January. I will be forging a new path for myself. However, it will be more than just a job change...I see it as a beginning of me starting to live my life (really living my life). A life where there will be no more hiding...no more running...no more fear. 

So there are some of the accomplishments from this year. It has sometimes been a whirlwind of a year. I hope that 2010 will be even more exciting and wonderful. 

In true New Year's fashion, below are some of the resolutions I am making. 

(1) I resolve to no longer live my life in fear.

(2) I resolve to work less and enjoy life more. 

(3) I resolve to travel more in 2010. Specifically, I want to see the mid-west and the upper west coast of the United States.

(4) I resolve to meet my weight loss goals this year. (Cliche, I know, but I never make this resolution for FEAR of not making it. NO MORE FEAR!)

(5) I resolve to be a better, and more supportive friend to you all. 

(6) I resolve to run a 5K and a 10K this year. 

(7) I resolve to work on my trust and commitment issues. 

(8) I resolve to live each day to the fullest. 

(9) I resolve to get back to St. John, USVI, this year. Heaven on Earth...Here I Come! 

(10) I resolve to be a voice for those who can't always speak for themselves. No more sitting on the sidelines. 

I hope that each of you has a wonderful New Year and that 2010 proves to be the best year of our lives...thus far!

Take care of yourselves.

- JC

20 People I Know

Can you name 20 people you can think of right off the top of your head? Don't read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 20 people. tag all of them and if you get tagged fill it back out.

*This is a lot funnier if you actually list the names first! No cheating!*

1. Jenny
2. Ben
3. Callie
4. Lynne
5. Josh
6. Sue
7. Linnie
8. Mikeal
9. Mandi
10. Christy
11. Tammy
12. Amber
13. Daniel
14. Jared
15. Glenda
16. Emily 1
17. Emily 2
18. Emily 3
19. Nelson
20. Jennifer

THE QUESTIONS:

How did you meet 10?
I have known Chris since we were in high school. She was a freshman and I was a sophomore. BAND GEEKS. It seems like so long ago. 

What would you do if you never met 6?
I would probably be the one running the family right now. We refer to my Aunt Sue as "The Warden." Nothing happens in the family without going through "The Warden" first. 

What would you do if 15 and 20 dated?
I would probably pass out from sheer shock of it all. 

Have you ever seen 4 cry?
Yes.

Would 2 and 1 make a good couple?
They might make a cute couple, but they would end up killing each other. 
Plus, Ben is already married. 

Describe 7:
Linnie is my former teammate. She is not afraid to tell it like it is. However, she has the softest and sweetest heart of anyone I know. She can have this tough exterior but she can be very fragile on the inside. I love that about her the most. Don't even get me started on the hot flashes.


Do you like 12?
Amber is one of the strongest people I know...although she may not think it. 
She is a rockin' mom too. 

Tell me something about 17.
Emily 2 works with Emily 1. I met Emily 2 this summer and liked her instantly.
Consequently, she is married to a guy I went to high school with.

What's 8's favorite color?
That's an easy one...PINK!

What would you do if 1 just confessed they liked you?
Fall over dead.
It wouldn't happen. She is like a sister to me that I have sworn to protect. 
And, she is FINALLY in love with a guy I approve of. (Long story!) 

When was the last time you talked to number 15?
Just before Christmas Break. I saw her son on the Food Network (he's a chef) and I wanted to tell her what a great job he did. Plus I had to thank her for the awesome letter of recommendation. 

How do you think 19 feels about you?
That I am some insane workaholic.

What language does 13 speak?
Last time I checked...ENGLISH.

Who is 2 going out with?
Ben is happily married to Denise.

Do you like 9?
I think Mandi rocks! 

What grade is 16 in?
Emily teaches 4th grade. 

What is 5's favorite music?
Pop and R&B 
(I am fairly certain he is a Lady Ga-Ga fan...just a hunch.)

Would you ever date 3?
We have been down this road before. 
Not gonna happen. I think most of us really know why. 

Is 11 single?
Nope...happily married to Rick. 

Would you ever want to be in a serious relationship with 7?
(After I quit rolling on the floor laughing)
It would NEVER happen. 

Would you think of number 3 as one of your Boys/Girls?
Definitely. I consider Cal to be one of my best friends.

Say something about number 4?
She has one of the craziest wits of anyone I know, and she is an incredible teacher. 

What would you like to tell 13 right now?
Are we there yet?
(Inside joke)

How did you meet 9?
Met her through her blog and Husband's blog. Finally got a chance to meet her in person a couple weeks ago. Now I am certain that she rocks!

Does Number 7 like rap?
Definitely not...she loves classical.

What is the best and worst thing about number 5?
Best...He has never been afraid of who he is in life. 
Worst...He has made some truly bad judgments in life that have cost him some wonderful friends.

Are you going to know 2 forever?
I would say that is a definite.

Does number 20 know a Secret about you?
Hmmmmm...It's a possibility.

Do you think number 10 has a crush on you?
At one point I know she did. That period is long since gone. 

Do you or have you ever been in love with Number 1?
I love Jen, but I have never been IN LOVE with her. 

Have 3 and 18 dated?
LOL...not on your life. 

Have you ever had a dream that involved any of the 20?
Sure, but I can't remember any of them. 

The Verdict Is In

I got a call this morning about 11:45 from the director of the company to let me know that they decided to go with another candidate for the job. This was the one I was hoping most to get. So, let's just say I was a bit down after getting the news. I tend to take it all so personally anyway. (Yes, Ian, I know that I can sometimes overreact. LOL) 


During the call, the director did tell me that my interview was great and that he could find no shortcomings. After talking with several people from the company today, we feel that the committee went with someone who was from that local area and more familiar with it. No problem with that. I would probably do the same thing. He went on to tell me that I was one of only four people interviewed from the 25 or so applicants for this one position. His words were "Only the top four were interviewed." That made me feel pretty good. 


While on the phone, the director asked me if I would like to be considered for one of the other two positions that will be filled on Jan. 9. Are you kidding me? Of course I would like to be considered. (No, I did not state it that way. I was very professional about it all.) 


So, as it stands at the end of 2009 I am not packing my bags just yet. However, I am hopeful that the first two weeks of 2010 will find me with a new job and a new place to live. 


Still keeping the hope alive. 
- JC


PS. Below is the song I have been listening to (yes, this version) today to keep spirits up. 

(What do ya think MH, is it a OGT?)

It's Happening Tomorrow!

I just got a phone call from a friend of mine letting me know that the vote will take place TOMORROW for my job. The board is going to do a conference call to decide on one of the positions. 


The position being voted on tomorrow is the one I want the most. (Yes, MNJ and MH, it is the one in your area!) 


I will be biting my nails until then. 

Will let you know as soon as I find out.


If I do get this position, that means I could be moving by the end of January. Holy cow! 

Keep your fingers crossed.

JC

Luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucy

This really is going to be just some irrelevant post, but after reading MNJ's post about crawling around on the floor with his night goggles it has jogged my memory.

Back during my undergraduate program, I belonged to a campus volunteer organization whose sole purpose was to organize and document volunteer activities across the campus. (The last two years we logged in 35,000 my junior year and 50,000 hours my senior year.) Each year we took a leadership retreat. This particular year we decided to take our retreat at a very large cabin in the Smoky Mountains.

You have to picture this cabin...it was at the very top of the mountain...up past the ski resort. The views were incredible. The "cabin" was more like a small mansion. There were 25 of us on this retreat, and there was a bed for each of us somewhere in this place. It was awesome and we loved every minute of it.

On this trip, on the bottom floor there were two bedrooms. Each room had two set of bunk beds in them. So there were 6 or 7 of us sleeping down there. I don't know what was going on, but none of us were asleep on the bottom floor. We were just having too much fun harassing each other. At some point a little voice called out for one of my roommates. "Dwaaaaaaaaaaaayne." The little voice whispered again. "Dwaaaaaaaaaaayne." Consequently, Dwayne was a bit freaked out, but the rest of us were too busy rolling around in laughter.

We all finally congregated in the common room on our floor. We just kept on giggling and laughing. For some reason, we were all ridiculously giddy. Probably a lack of sleep. Who knows.

Moving on...we decided that we wanted to find our friend "Lucy." (Name changed to protect the embarrassed.) Well, we knew that Lucy was on the third floor. We were in the basement. So we had to get to the third floor without waking anyone else in the house. You have to imagine 6 of us in our early 20s trying to get through the house quietly...not a good possibility.

We decide to make it a stealth effort. Here we are, all 6 of us, crawling on the floor whispering "Lucy" trying to find her. We make it to the second floor, snickering the entire time, and still on the floor. We make our way into the living room area and as we pass one of the couches, our advisor sits straight up and says "WHAT ARE YOU ALL UP TO?" We jumped sky high, and there may have been a few shreeks. Of course the laughing ensued. Our advisor's response when told what we were doing was her shaking her head and just saying "up to no good." What did she expect. We were the ring leaders in everything that happened in our organization, good or evil!

We continued our ascent to the third floor. We finally make it to the room where Lucy is sleeping. The only problem was that we had no idea which bed she was sleeping in. Some brain surgeon decided that someone would quickly turn on and off a flashlight while the rest of us looked for Lucy. Could she be found. Obviously we were stupid to think that would work, not taking into account that our eyes would need to adjust. They never did. The light would come on...the light would go off. We are sitting there totally baffled and cracking up at how stupid this has all gotten. Of course, we are still roaming through the room whispering "Luuuuuuuuuucy.  Luuuuuuuuuuuuucy."

We end up waking the entire room, and utter chaos ensues. PILLOW FIGHT!

Through our stealth mission, we managed to wake up more than half the house. Did we really care? NOPE! We were having too much fun.

That weekend retreat was the best time I remember during college. The people this volunteer organization were then, and remain to this day, some of my best friends. We were a close-knit group that were more like a family than a bunch of friends.

I miss those days when everything was simpler. At some point we are supposed to grow up. I didn't say we have grown up. I simply said we were SUPPOSED to grow up.

Consequently, each winter a group of my friends get together in a cabin in the Smoky Mountains for a fun weekend. What do we always do in Friday night...HIDE-N-SEEK. Imagine a group of adults (huh, right) in their late 20s to early 30s playing HIDE-N-SEEK throughout the entire house. Some of the best hiding places of all time are

1. Under the stair landing in the basement.
2. Up in the rafters.
3. On the fireplace mantle.
4. In the hot tub...with the cover still on top of it.  (My personal favorite. Hey, at least it was warm.)

Life is good when you act like a big kid.

Thanks for listening to my walk down memory lane. I am sitting here just smiling at the memories.

Until next time.
- JC

Making Me Feel Old

When I tell you I cannot go anywhere in town without seeing someone I know, I am not lying. 


This afternoon I went into Best Buy to take a look at their sales on DVD and Blu Ray. I racked up on a selection of both. I found some really awesome DVD for only $3.49 each. I also hot Phantom of the Opera on Blu Ray. I have never seen the movie, and with Blu Ray all I can say is WOW! 


Anyway, back to the story. As I pulled into the parking lot at Best Buy, I stop to let a few people cross the way. Wouldn't you know it, one of my current students is staring right back at me just waving. It was funny because I knew he was checking to make sure it was really me in the car. These kids seriously think I have no life outside of school, so anytime I am out on the town these kids looked totally confused. 


While I was in Best Buy I ran into a friend from college that I had not seen in about 7 years. Last time I saw her, she had a one year old. Now her son is 8...almost 9. Cute kid. We sat and talked in the middle of Best Buy for a good 45 minutes. It was nice just to catch up on everything we had missed since we last saw each other. 


On the way home I stopped off to get a bite to eat. (Consequently, I hate fast food, but sometimes it happens.) I pulled into the drive thru, which is a face to face order...no microphones and faceless speakers. As I ordered I was paying no attention to who was at the window. As I was given the total and told to pull to the next window the young man at the window says "Thanks Mr. C." It took me a second and I freaked out for a second. How did this kid know who I was. I look at the cashier and instantly know who this is. 


It is Wes, one of my very first students. Wes was in my math class during my first full year of teaching. I remember him well. Red hair, lots of freckles, and the consummate ladies man. He had more girlfriends that year than Hugh Hefner. He was a lot of fun to have in class. That year's group was really fantastic, and kids like Wes were the ones who made it fantastic.


I also remember Wes' mother. She was also a wonderful room-mother. It was also parents like her that made the year so wonderful. I distinctly remember the gift she gave each of Wes' teachers...she had hand-made each of us a giant heart-shaped cheesecake (Valentine's day) covered in hardened chocolate. Let me tell you, it was one of the best cheesecakes I had even had. You better believe I at part of it. This was before my monumental weight loss. Now I would have to take a few bites then give it away. But I digress...


I felt rather guilty today because I did not stop to talk with Wes. However, I did send him an email when I got home this afternoon to apologize for acting like a forgetful old man. I wanted him to know I DID remember who he was. Wes is actually one of the students I will sometimes ask about when I speak with some of my other former students. Just a good kid who I keep a check on from time to time. Yes, I keep check on my students through the years...WATCH OUT!


Anyway, I realize now that Wes is only one more year away from graduation. All my "babies" are now juniors and will soon be seniors. It won't be long before they will be going off to college...forging the future of our society...having kids (hopefully in a number of years from now)...making me feel older! 


I love it! This is a part of being the teacher that I will miss. 

Someday I might just be that old man who ties thousands of balloons to his house to move it away. Okay, I saw Up today and couldn't resist throwing in a pic of it. It was a great movie and all families should see it. 

Laughing Again!

I finally was able to quit crying. I have now moved on to rolling on the floor laughing as hard as I can. 


This mother is flirting with me! 


She has been telling me about her husband leaving her this summer. I knew it had happened, but I never asked her about it. 


She has been texting me for two hours. Now the texts are just getting silly!


She called me at one point but hung up before I could get to the phone. I asked her if she called and hung up, and she said she was too embarrassed to talk with me. I tried calling her back, but she would NOT answer. I simply texted her and called her a chicken. Her response...bock bock!


It is obvious that she is flirting with me. 


The running joke in my family has always been that I would end up marrying one of the mothers of a current or former student. Wow! How close to home is this hitting now? 


Granted, she and I have remained close friends since her son was in my class. However, I would never see this one coming. 


So, I am no longer crying, just sitting here scratching my head wondering WHAT IN THE WORLD IS GOING ON?!?!?!

The Actualy Tears are Here

As I have hinted to in the past, I don't tend to cry...at all! Well, today that is changing.

On of my favorite school parents has been texting me today about my decision to leave my school. Melissa is the mother of my all-time favorite student. Consequently, she is my all-time favorite parent, too. She really has become a great friend. She told me she only wants what is best for me.

What she said next sent me over the edge.

"The world would be a better place if you were a teacher."

That's right, America, I am sitting here now shedding some huge tears.

I am feeling such utter guilt for wanting to leave my students, my school, my profession. I wish I could verbally express how much these kids and parents have meant to my life, but I don't have the words in me right now.

Am I abandoning these kids? Sometimes it really feels like it. Sometimes I will just be sitting around and I will begin to think how hard it is going to be to tell these kids I will be leaving. How are they going to react? How will I be able to go on teaching them during those last few weeks? How will I not cry myself into the psychiatric hospital?

The funny part of this is that I haven't been offered this new job yet. That decision won't be made for two more weeks. Essentially, I am working myself up.

Okay, so moving back to this mother. She and I have been texting for a good 30 minutes. We both just sat here and admitted that the only reason we are texting and not talking is that we are both crying about this. (What a bunch of saps we are.)

What is causing the tears to not stop is the fact she just told me she revealed this news to her son. She said he has cried over this...a lot! (Her words, not mine.) Do you know what that does to a teacher? To cause pain to a student? This is my student who was sent to St. Jude Hospital this year with the platelet disorder. Remember those posts??? The student who I thought might die. That was him and his mother. Imagine the pain I am feeling right now knowing I caused him more pain this year. He doesn't deserve that.

Now I got a message telling me that I was this mother's hope for her other two sons.

See, it is students and parents like this that make life worth living. They are also the ones that make my decision that much more difficult to make.

All I can do right now is just pray about it. I have decided that God can take control of this one. I cannot do it on my own.

Alright, pass the tissue over here. I need it!

Man, the tears just continue to flow. Ugh!

Christmas with the Fam

Hey, I survived Christmas with the family. Yes, it is always an adventure when my true-Southern family gets together for anything...especially Christmas.

We all gathered at my Aunt's house on Christmas Eve night. Picture it...there were 10 adults (a few I would only classify as quasi-adults. That means they are of age, not necessarily maturity.) and 11 of my nieces and nephews running through the house. The oldest is 13, and the rest are all under age 8 or 9. It was crazy. The kids were running wild. Their parents (my cousins) were not controlling their kids. It was up to me to take control of them. You know me...the consummate teacher.

Once they were sat down and settled, only then were we able to enjoy dinner and the gift opening. Watching these kids open up their gifts justs makes my Christmas holiday. Their eyes just got huge and that is all I needed for this holiday.

I really have some of the cutest nieces and nephews in the world. Look below.

After we left my Aunt's home, my dad and brother came to my house for the night. I couldn't believe they decided to come up here for Christmas Day. We awoke this morning, and I found that money does actually grow on trees.

Yes, Santa didn't really know what to get me, so he left me a money tree. Thanks, Santa!

On the way to visit my mother, I pulled off on the road to see that there is one farmer in Tennessee that has WAY TOO MUCH TIME ON HIS HANDS!

Yes, those are all bails of hay. Only in Tennessee would I ever expect to see hay bails made to look like snowmen, Santa's sleigh, and a train. Honestly, this many does this for Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. I love driving by his house. 

All in all, the Christmas was excellent. It was family drama-free, which is rare but wonderful. 

Oh, and I just got an email from a friend offering me two tickets to the Chick-Fil-A Bowl in Atlanta, GA on New Year's Eve. Tennessee is playing Virginia Tech. My two favorite teams going after each other. Plus these are two of the most fan-enthused teams in college football. It should be an awesome game at the Georgia Dome. GO VOLS!

My Merry Christmas Update

Yes, I know that it is not exactly Christmas Day just yet. However, sitting here today I have decided that I want to share Christmas plans, wishes, etc. 


Christmas Plans


I have decided to take a different route on Christmas gifts this year. I have found myself unwilling to go out and do the marathon shopping I do each Christmas season. (That would be me leaving the house at 7AM, going out for breakfast, doing ALL my shopping in one day, and getting home around 11PM...) I find it hilarious that I have lost the want or need to go shopping for all these gifts I get every year. I literally can fill up my SUV in one day. I am my mother's child, after all. 


Anyway, instead of doing the marathon of shopping I have decided to hand make ornaments for gifts. I have been researching various types of ornaments that can be made. For my dad, aunt, and uncle I am making these ornaments that have various pictures of their parents on them. My grandmother passed away in 2005 and my grandfather in 2006. I have some other really great ideas for ornaments that look pretty awesome. There is the moose made out of pine cones, the snowmen made from light bulbs, etc. My favorite ones are those that look old and traditional. I found one idea that involved taking old shirts, cutting them into strips, and placing the strips on styrofoam balls. It doesn't sound too fantastic, but the end result is incredible. Plus, it is a personal gift instead of other generic gifts I am so used to buying. 


So why the change in this year's outlook on gift giving? I don't really know. I guess I am trying to pull back from the materialistic side of it all. I am certainly not turning my nose up at buying all the gifts. I love that part of it and I especially love watching the looks on people's faces when they get a wonderful gift. I put a lot of thought into what I buy each person. I always have. This year I simply wanted to try something different. 


I will be spending Christmas Eve with my aunt and our entire immediate family. That will mean me, brother, sister (maybe), dad, aunt and uncle hubby, uncle and girlfriend, cousin K and her 3 boys, cousin P's wife and 4 kids, cousin C and his wife and 3 kids.. For those of you trying to keep count that will be 10 nieces and nephews (ages 1, 1, 3, 3, 5, 5, 7, 9, 9, 13...whew) running throughout the house. I am taking the Aleve with me just to be sure I don't get a migraine for the running and screaming of that many kids at once. 


After the celebration at my Aunt's home,  my brother and dad will actually be coming back to my house for the night. That is part of my Christmas wish since this may be my last Christmas in my home. I have lived here for 13 years and brother has never been up here to see where I live. I still can't believe he agreed to come up here for Christmas. 


I will cook a Christmas breakfast the next morn. I am especially excited about the Applewood smoked bacon I found the other day. Oh..........mouth is watering for just that alone. There will also be eggs, biscuits and gravy, fruit, etc. For dad, I will fix his traditional fried bologna. It would not be a Christmas Breakfast without it. (Hey, we are a true southern family...)


Sometime on Christmas day, my brother and I will venture out to my mother's house to celebrate with her. 


After all of that...who knows?!?!

-------------------------------------------------------

Christmas Wishes

I thought I would take a few moments to let some people know how much I appreciate them. Since I can't send many of you Christmas gifts (for various reasons) I thought I would use this as a quasi-present to each of you...so here we go. 

Jenny

My dearest and best friend...you know I have a love for you unlike that for any other person I know. Who would have ever guess that going to college together would end up with us having this bond that is so much more than mere friendship. We know more about each other that even our families know. We have seen each other through some of the best and the absolute toughest times in our lives. You know I will always be here for you no matter where each of us may go. I can't wait to see you soon! 

Mikey

You have been a wonderful addition to my life this year. I find it odd that I have never met you, but I feel comfortable talking to you about a variety of life topics. Thanks for being there to lend an ear and for sharing parts of your life with me. You have helped me in more ways that you may ever know. The offer still stands...when you get out to TN, you call me and I will be your personal guide through Dollywood. 

Los

My friend, you inspire me in many ways. I have enjoyed our numerous talks over the past few months. Your story of courage and strength just make me smile. I will always be here for you if you need to chat or need words of encouragement. 

Lee

Lee your words of encouragement always make me smile whenever I am the recipient. Thank you for always being so willing to offer your friendship to someone who you have never met. I look forward to learning more about you and your life out there in the western US. Take care of yourself...

Jen J

You are most certainly my favorite "call girl" of all time. (Everyone else get your heads out of the gutter...she is not that kinds of "call girl." She works in the call center where I used to work. You weirdos!) Your outlook on life makes me grin from ear to ear. You are about a southern as they come and I love you so much more for it. You are a fantastic mother and a wonderful friend. I love talking and hanging out with you. Keep just being yourself...the person that EVERYBODY loves. 

Aaron

Your life experiences are unlike anyone else's that I have ever met. Your outlook on life should be shared and adopted by everyone. You continue to keep me in awe and you continue to offer me hope and inspiration for the future. I think what just puts my jaw to the floor is the fact you are so young! Keep it up!

Dean

First of all, you are a fantastic artist. I have enjoyed getting to see the fruits of your labor. My wish for you this year is that you will finally see how great of an artist you truly are. I also hope that you are able to find the happiness that you deserve. You know I will be here for you whenever you need anything. (Ear, shoulder, etc)

Sister

Sis, while you will never read this, I needed to put this down somewhere. My wish for you is that you will FINALLY get your life in order. I hope that you will learn that there is so much more to life than the drinking, drugs, and partying. My fear is that you are close to hitting rock-bottom, but sometimes people have to get there before they will make a change. I truly love you and I want only the best for you. I wish I knew how to help you, but I feel so distant from you. Part of the reason for the distance is that you know I will tell you the truth...that your behavior is going to destroy you or someone else. Dad and your mom are willing to help you out so you can get your life together. Why do you resist both? Go get your GED and start a life...please. Do it for no one else but yourself. I will continue to pray for you to snap out of this path you are on. I do love you. 

Mikeal and Mandi

While it seems unfair to group the two of you together for this (you each deserve your own amount of praise), I feel that I would be repeating myself for much of it. So here you go. I have enjoyed learning about your lives, your story, and I look forward to seeing what the future has in store for you two. You both have opened up your lives and your home to me. That is pretty amazing in my eyes. I am honored to call you my friends. Also, the two of you are incredible parents. I could tell that when I met your children. They are as amazing as their parents. Keep up the great work and the awe-inspiring love you share. 

Evan

My wish for you is that you are able to find you place in life. I know that it is a constant struggle for you, and I really hope that God will show you the path he has for you. My wish for you is that you will also be able to make the move to the ATL and get your job with CFA. Keep looking forward and up! 

Ian

You are so brutally honest in everything you write. It is incredible. I have enjoyed reading about your life, and I appreciate all the comments you have left for me as well. You are not alone in this world. Never forget that. We will always be here to lend a helping hand, a shoulder to cry on or for support, etc. I hope that 2010 will be wonderful and unforgettable for you. You deserve that!

Chris

Thank you for sharing your story with us as well. You have a beautiful family. I am still jealous of you living up there in the northwest corner of the US. Thanks for the chats and just allowing me to consider you a friend. I look forward to getting to know more about your story and the choices you make in life. 

I know I am going to be leaving people out. As I am writing this part I am stopping to add others above. Please know that I value each and every one of you and want nothing but the best for each of you. My best wishes for you in the coming year.

-------------------------------------------------------

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Do I Really See Me?

Last night I got into a discussion with a friend about "issues" we each face. 

The topic came up of how we each see ourselves. My friend, D, was describing how he saw himself and how some days he could not even look at himself in the mirror. 

The fact is that I completely understand where he was coming from with this. I feel the same exact way about me. I look in the mirror and I wonder do I really see who I am? 

I feel the need to backtrack for a moment. I have always dealt with this idea of self-loathing and extremely low self-esteem. As a kid I grew up pencil thin, almost white-blonde hair, blue eyes. Okay, I was a cute kid. Somewhere in late middle school I gained the weight. I went from being a pencil thin uber-active kid to being this pudgy, lazy, complacent slug of a teenager. 

I remained over weight most of my life. A couple years ago I decided that I had had enough of it all. It was time to fish or cut bait. (Hey, I am from the south...don't know our little whimsical sayings.) I consulted my doctor and my diet and exercise program began. I lost 85 pounds that year. I had never felt better, and I was wearing pant sizes I had not seen since my freshmen year of high school. 

Over the past couple years I have been on their weight roller-coaster. In all I have lost a total of about 130 - 150 pounds...dang roller coaster. My goal for 2010 is to see myself get below the 200 lb mark. My doctor tells me my ideal weight should be 175 - 190, so I will take his word for it. YIKES! 

Back on track here...I know that I am now wearing smaller clothes, feel better, and for all external purposes I look better than what I was. However, I rarely catch a glimpse of this newer person I have become and am working towards. I still see the bigger guy pre-weight loss. I still see all the weight still on me, and it does get me down from time to time. 

Is it my low self-esteem that keeps showing the old me in the mirror? 

Will I ever really get to see the true me in that blasted mirror? 

When I make it to my goal this year, will I be able to see it? 

Will I ever be loved by someone with the way I look? Is it possible? 

Yes, ladies and gents, I understand that the physical is only part of the whole package that is me. But, you understand the world we live in and can you honestly blame me for feeling this way? 

So on that lovely note for the night, I just want to say that I know many people struggle with this very idea. And, admittedly, D has me worried. We're here for you D! 

Below are some self-portraits painted by various artists. 

A Holiday Survey...Why Not?

1. What is your favorite holiday show?
There isn't really a specific holiday show that I must watch to make my holiday complete. However, there is one that I cannot stand to watch, and it is on all the time...A Christmas Story. This movie is a cult classic, and I understand that but I cannot watch it. I will go insane first!


2. What holiday character do you think you're most like?
Just call me Rudolph.

3. What holiday character does your spouse think you're most like?
Sorry, no spouse! Moving on...

4. Favorite Christmas/holiday song?
Mary Did You Know (Kenny Rogers and Wynonna Judd)

I am also partial to Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer since I learned the real story behind it. If you heard about why it was written, you would most certainly cry. 

5. Most hated Christmas/holiday song?
12 Redneck Days of Christmas


6. If you have an all holiday music radio station when do you start listening to it? 
It begins playing all holiday music on Black Friday. However, I begin playing holiday music in October.

7. If you have an all holiday music radio station do you love it or hate it? 
Love it. I will actually go online and stream it into the classroom.

8. Have you ever wrapped yourself as a Christmas present?
No...is my mere presence enough of the gift? 

9. Who is Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer's father? 
Per the television movie, it is Donner

10. Do you drive your neighborhood or one near you at night to look at other people's holiday decorations?
It's been known to happen. We will also go to the Biltmore Estate in Asheville, NC to check out their Christmas decorations. It is incredible...especially the candlelight tours at night. 

11. When you see a heavily decorated house do you think, 'oh that's lovely'? Or do you think, 'ohcriminy, that looks like Christmas threw up all over their lawn'?
It depends...it is tastefully decorated or done the Redneck way (throw it all out there on the lawn)? 

12. Are you counting the days to Christmas with excited anticipation or dread?
Since it is this Friday, there is not much left to count, but I am definitely excited!

13. When was the last time you had your photo taken with Santa? Did you sit on his lap?
Have you met my dad? Every year is spent with "Santa." I no longer sit on his lap either.

14. Do you make a Christmas list for your spouse or significant other or do you rely on them to pick your gift(s) without a clue from you?
Cash is always good for me. Moving on...

15. When do you put up your tree? 
I try to put my trees up before Thanksgiving week. 


16. Real or fake? 
This year they were all fake. From time to time I will put up a live one too.

17. When do you take your tree down?
Some time after the new year. Whenever I feel the need. 

18. Do you shop the day after Christmas sales? What do you shop for?
Yes I do. I will shop for clothes and whatever else is on sale.


19. Is your work/office having a holiday party this year? Will you attend? 
Our's was cancelled due to lackluster numbers. 

20. Do you have your New Year's Eve Plans set yet?
Not yet. Don't even know which state I will be visiting yet. Will it be Michigan, North Carolina, New York, Tennessee? Who knows? 

Finally Back Home

Well, I just got back home from my weekend excursion. As I was driving home today I got to see all the snow. The only thoughts in my head were (1) how gorgeous it all was and (2) God is good! It really is just breathtaking.

When I finally got home to see what had happened at my home I was happy to see all was okay. Yes, there was a tree that fell over from the neighbor's yard. It knocked over a utility pole and light. The light is sitting in my garage right now. The tree is sitting across the fence. Besides that, there is no damage. Just beauty.

Below are some of the pics I snapped as soon as I got here.

James Cameron is a GENIUS

I just got back from seeing James Cameron's latest creation...AVATAR.

For starters, I got to see this 3-D masterpiece at an IMAX theater with the most incredible surround sound system I have ever heard. (I love new theaters!) 

This movie is unlike any experience you will have at the theater. The scenery is breathtaking, the action and drama is non-stop, and there is something for everyone in this movie. 

My heart has not stopped racing yet. I will have to go see it again! (Probably tomorrow...I promised a good friend of mine that I would see it with her. Shhhhh. Don't tell her I already saw it without her.) 

GO SEE IT!