I did it! I went to the get-together last night. Yes, I still had some anxiety last night before I got there, but it soon went away when I got to see everyone. I had not seen my friend, Jason, in a few years since he moved away to attend medical school at Virginia Tech.
It was a pretty laid back night. Dave and Amy have two of the cutest kids on the planet, so we all spend some time playing around with them in the living room. Once they were in bed, the gang seemed to fall back into our old routine of board game mania. We sat at the table playing different games until almost midnight. It was an absolute blast. We all were just too giddy as we laughed for hours. All this laughing made it hard to play some of the games at times. It was perfect.
We all departed just after midnight since Jason had an early flight this morning to get back home to Philadelphia. It was wonderful to see my friends whom have been away for so long.
So my social ineptness was overcome last night.
During our discussions throughout the night, many discussions included talk concerning Jason and his partner, George. I was amazed to hear Jason talk about his 2-year relationship with George. I was in awe just sitting there listening to how happy Jason is now in his life. Before Jason left town for medical school, he was not out to anyone. I didn't even learn about him being gay until Jenny (me best friend for all of you who don't already know) let it slip one night during our marathon-long phone conversations. Now to hear Jason so comfortable and happy with who he is in life made me smile like a kindergartener at nap time!
As I may have mentioned earlier, Jason was in town for a residency interview with one of the University's Internal Medicine clinics. Apparently, the reason he is looking around here is because George has a job prospect in the area as well. So they may be moving here. I am excited to meet George and to have him and Jason around here.
I can't think of what else I want to say about all of this. I just wanted to give you all the update into my social ineptness battle. Glad that I went after all. It was worth all the anxiety I had.
Good night, all!
January 30, 2011
January 29, 2011
Socially Inept???
It is hard to explain, but I don't like gathering in social settings. I have this uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach, even when it is with a group of people I know.
For instance, tonight I am supposed to meet up at my friends Amy and Dave's house. We are supposed to get together because our friend, Jason, is coming into town for the weekend. None of us have seen him in several years since he left the area to attend medical school. He is in town this weekend for a residency interview. A number of other friends are gathering at Amy and Dave's house for a small party for Jason.
I am wanting to go, but I have this sick feeling in my stomach. I am having some sort of anxiety attack just thinking about going to the party.
Why is this happening to me? I am sure there are a series of explanations, but I can't pinpoint them.
Just this past weekend I was in Greensboro, NC, visiting Jenny and her husband Chris. We all met up with Tamika and Dwayne to go see the Lion King on Tour. There was absolutely NO worries, NO sickness in my stomach, and NO hesitations!
Is this just the repercussion of low self-esteem that has plagued me most of my life? Who knows?
It remains to be seen if I will get up the nerve to go tonight or if I will stay hold-up in my house...
January 27, 2011
Finding It Difficult
I am sitting here tonight trying to fill out this application handed to me by my principal. I have been nominated for Teacher of the Year. I was in complete shock when she called me into her office and told me that my colleagues have nominated me.
I suppose the shock comes from the fact that I am my own worst critic. I am always finding places in improve. I just don't see myself as Teacher of the Year material. Please don't get me wrong, I am honored. I am just in denial.
I am having quite a hard time filling out this application. It is one thing for me to be out there in the community trying to help make the world a better place. It is another thing to talk about it all. I am supposed to write one page about my community involvement. Every time I start writing this I just stop in my tracks. It feels like I am bragging, and I HATE doing that more than anything else.
Why is this so difficult? Why do I have such a hard time talking about my work in this world?
Ugh! (That's the only reaction I can think of right now.)
Needed some music today, and I bought Amos Lee's new CD. It is awesome!
I suppose the shock comes from the fact that I am my own worst critic. I am always finding places in improve. I just don't see myself as Teacher of the Year material. Please don't get me wrong, I am honored. I am just in denial.
I am having quite a hard time filling out this application. It is one thing for me to be out there in the community trying to help make the world a better place. It is another thing to talk about it all. I am supposed to write one page about my community involvement. Every time I start writing this I just stop in my tracks. It feels like I am bragging, and I HATE doing that more than anything else.
Why is this so difficult? Why do I have such a hard time talking about my work in this world?
Ugh! (That's the only reaction I can think of right now.)
Needed some music today, and I bought Amos Lee's new CD. It is awesome!
January 16, 2011
Way to Go Kurt...I Mean Chris...You Know What I Mean!!!
Nothing more to say at this point!
January 15, 2011
Will This Dream Come True
Seldom do I have dreams that I remember even having. Far more rare is a dream that I remember so vividly that I wake up saddened that it was not real.
Boy...did this one seem real!
I found myself traveling to some incredible resort for a conference. (Imagine...me traveling to a conference. That seems to be the story of my life.) I end up getting the most spectacular suite in the place. The beauty of the suite and the views of this beach were simply breathtaking. I can tell you that the beauty of resort and the beach were so that I have no recollection of attending any of the conference.
That doesn't sound much like the most amazing dream known to mankind. In fact, how many of us have not ever dreamed of being on the beach? So what makes this dream so much more spectacular than all the rest? In this dream I fell in love!
Whoa! Did I just say that? I actually fell in love?
We met at this dream resort while checking in at the front desk. It was nothing more than a glance at first. As fate would have it, we continually ran into each other over the course of our stay. It was all so very innocent and easy going.
I even learned his name in the course of this dream...Michael. (Side note: For all my friends named Michael, or who know other guys named Michael, let me assure you it is not any of you or them. Sorry!) While I cannot describe Michael in great detail to you, the vividness of the dream is a bit blurry in spots, I can tell you that I absolutely fell head-over-hills in love with him. He was the one soul who completed my life. I can say that with absolution.
At some point in the dream we were together in our home, which is consequently on some random beach. I remember the feeling of just waking up and his face being the first thing I saw in the morning. There was a point in the dream where one of my long lost friends, Christy, came over to visit Michael and me. Her visit was interesting for we have not really seen each other since our falling out 4 years ago. As soon as she arrived she ran to me and we have the most amazing hug as if nothing had ever happened. How I miss her. What was even more spectacular was how she and Michael hit it off and fostered this wonderful friendship with each other.
Why is that scene so consequential to me? It is not the fact that my friendship with Christy was rekindled and issues were resolved. What was amazing to me was how loving and accepting my friends were of Michael, and vice versa. I often worry about how my friends will interact with whomever I may be with, and their acceptance of my friends.
For the record, there was never anything in this dream that would require a parental consent rating at the movies.
This was a very beautiful dream full of hope. While a mass amount of the dream's details are a blur to me, what has rang clear throughout is that I truly felt L-O-V-E. It was the most amazing feeling, and one that I can say I have not found in my life yet. I found the partner, quite literally of my dreams, that completed so much of my life. He was someone who loved me for every aspect of whom I am and what I do in this life. He was someone with whom I could finally let my guard down and be to whom I could show the vulnerable side of me.
When I awoke this morning and gained a sense of where I was there was a sadness in my heart. I felt like I lost what I have been quietly seeking in my life. A tear fell across my face as I realized none of that was truly real in my life...yet. I desperately tried to fall back to sleep and arrive back where the dream left off. Alas, I could not do it. Now I sit here writing it all down for you.
As with most any experience in life, I try to take away the lessons left for me to learn. I learned that love is real and it is out there waiting for me somewhere. I may find the one I love when I least expect to do so. I learned that when I find the one I am meant to love, I will be able to let my guard down and feel protected with the one I love.
Most of all I have learned to keep hope alive. In truth I have always given way to the idea that I will never truly find love. I have always felt that I would always live out this life alone. To admit that to you is not easy, but it has been the truth. That is not to say that I never wanted to find the one I am meant to love in this life. I just always resorted to the idea that it would be impossible for me. There has consistently been that glimmer of hope somewhere in my head and heart, but it has been fading for some time now. I am happy to know know that my head and heart still hole that hope for me, and that tonight they worked together to let me feel that hope of love in the dream of Michael.
Since it seems that I am getting a bit sappy in this post, I believe I will stop! Thanks for listening!
Sweet dreams!
Boy...did this one seem real!
That doesn't sound much like the most amazing dream known to mankind. In fact, how many of us have not ever dreamed of being on the beach? So what makes this dream so much more spectacular than all the rest? In this dream I fell in love!
Whoa! Did I just say that? I actually fell in love?
We met at this dream resort while checking in at the front desk. It was nothing more than a glance at first. As fate would have it, we continually ran into each other over the course of our stay. It was all so very innocent and easy going.
At some point in the dream we were together in our home, which is consequently on some random beach. I remember the feeling of just waking up and his face being the first thing I saw in the morning. There was a point in the dream where one of my long lost friends, Christy, came over to visit Michael and me. Her visit was interesting for we have not really seen each other since our falling out 4 years ago. As soon as she arrived she ran to me and we have the most amazing hug as if nothing had ever happened. How I miss her. What was even more spectacular was how she and Michael hit it off and fostered this wonderful friendship with each other.
Why is that scene so consequential to me? It is not the fact that my friendship with Christy was rekindled and issues were resolved. What was amazing to me was how loving and accepting my friends were of Michael, and vice versa. I often worry about how my friends will interact with whomever I may be with, and their acceptance of my friends.
For the record, there was never anything in this dream that would require a parental consent rating at the movies.
This was a very beautiful dream full of hope. While a mass amount of the dream's details are a blur to me, what has rang clear throughout is that I truly felt L-O-V-E. It was the most amazing feeling, and one that I can say I have not found in my life yet. I found the partner, quite literally of my dreams, that completed so much of my life. He was someone who loved me for every aspect of whom I am and what I do in this life. He was someone with whom I could finally let my guard down and be to whom I could show the vulnerable side of me.
When I awoke this morning and gained a sense of where I was there was a sadness in my heart. I felt like I lost what I have been quietly seeking in my life. A tear fell across my face as I realized none of that was truly real in my life...yet. I desperately tried to fall back to sleep and arrive back where the dream left off. Alas, I could not do it. Now I sit here writing it all down for you.
As with most any experience in life, I try to take away the lessons left for me to learn. I learned that love is real and it is out there waiting for me somewhere. I may find the one I love when I least expect to do so. I learned that when I find the one I am meant to love, I will be able to let my guard down and feel protected with the one I love.
Most of all I have learned to keep hope alive. In truth I have always given way to the idea that I will never truly find love. I have always felt that I would always live out this life alone. To admit that to you is not easy, but it has been the truth. That is not to say that I never wanted to find the one I am meant to love in this life. I just always resorted to the idea that it would be impossible for me. There has consistently been that glimmer of hope somewhere in my head and heart, but it has been fading for some time now. I am happy to know know that my head and heart still hole that hope for me, and that tonight they worked together to let me feel that hope of love in the dream of Michael.
Since it seems that I am getting a bit sappy in this post, I believe I will stop! Thanks for listening!
Sweet dreams!
January 12, 2011
Everywhere I Look...SNOW!
Since Christmas Break our school system has only been in session for TWO school days. I have not been in my classroom teaching since last Wednesday! Here I sit a week later hoping that we will get back to school tomorrow.
What is the cause of all this extra leisure time...SNOW!
What is the cause of all this extra leisure time...SNOW!
These are pictures that I took last Thursday around my school. It was probably one of the most beautiful snows I have ever seen. I kept walking outside the school taking pictures and freezing my butt off. That snow melted during the day. However, we got snow on Friday that kept us out again. I started snowing again on Sunday and has not quit since then.
There is a chance that we will get back to school tomorrow! Let me just say that I cannot wait to get back to teaching these young minds. From the messages I have received from parents, their children are so bored that they are ready to come back, too.
Don't get me wrong...I love the snow. It is gorgeous and makes everything look so fresh! The only problem is that I miss my kids. I miss interactions with them and with other adults! I am scared that we have missed so many days of instruction time that they so desperately need!
Hoping to get back to school tomorrow!
January 2, 2011
Remake of Coal Miner's Daughter
Getting back to my "country roots..."
The other night I caught a glimpse of this video. It is a remake of Loretta Lynn's Coal Miner's Daughter. This version is sung by Loretta Lynn, Miranda Lambert, and Sheryl Crow. I actually like this version more than the original.
The other night I caught a glimpse of this video. It is a remake of Loretta Lynn's Coal Miner's Daughter. This version is sung by Loretta Lynn, Miranda Lambert, and Sheryl Crow. I actually like this version more than the original.
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