The Three Most Difficult Words for Me...

I LOVE YOU!

Yes, I am devoting this entire posting to those three words. Obviously I need to explain what in the world is going on in my head.

Today I was thinking to myself and wondering why I cannot bring myself to tell someone in my life that I love them. Now, before I get scolded or called out here, I have no problem telling my family and closest friends that I love them. I make sure they always know how much I love them all. I grew up with a family that always told and showed me how much they loved me. To this day, every phone call or personal visit with my dad, my aunt, my mother, my grandmother (when she was alive), and so many others always end(ed) with "I love you!"

Well, if you haven't figured it out yet...I have met someone.

Holy crap! I have met someone who has gotten to me on an emotional and personal level. Greg and I met a few weeks ago on one of those E-Harmony-esque  type websites. Okay, so he lives in Missouri. I don't hold that against him. We have basically talked (online/phone/skype) every night since we connected. I cannot recall every conversation or every detail. We talk for hours. It is crazy.

A quick mini-bio of Mr. Greg:
  -  25 years old
  -  Lives in Missouri (not ideal, but I can live with it...LOL)
  -  College graduate
  -  RN/Flight Nurse (that's right, he is one of those nurses that treats patients on helicopters...worst cases)
  -  Loves cheesecake
  -  Wants kids someday
  -  Did I mention good looking, too?

Now, I am not the type to easily show emotion or to share what I consider to be the weaknesses in my life. However, I have talked to Greg about pretty much anything and everything that comes up. Nothing seems to be off limits when we are talking.

So here is my dilemma...every time we talk, Greg tells me how much he loves me. He says that he loves the person I am...he is not in love with me yet. For the record, we have not met in person yet. (That is a huge YET!) I confess that I am developing feelings for him. However, I cannot bring myself to say those three words, "I love you." Why is it so difficult for me when it seems to flow so easily for him?

As I was talking with Greg the other night, I told him that I don't show emotions and feelings very well. We spent a good while trying to analyze this. I realize that I lead a very guarded life...personally and emotionally. I have always tried to hide my anger and frustrations from people. I feel they are usually counter-productive to release them on someone. I am more accustomed to holding them in until I get to my own private corner of the world and then let them go. I suppose that in hiding those emotions, I somehow started hiding the others as well. Add to that I live in a pretty small town that is still pretty intolerable to those who might be different. I also spent so many years suppressing my feelings and emotions for others, that it has become second nature. For those who are new to my blog, I spent many many years in the closet...denying and hiding all signs from others and myself. I worked hard to "pray the gay away." It wasn't until about 3 years ago that I came to terms with who I am, and I am just now making peace with myself.

In addition to all of this, we talked about the divorce rate in my family. When I was 5 my parents divorced, and I spent the next 13 years living with my dad, and without my mother. That's right, had no relationship with my mom from age 5 - 18. Their divorce was something we were never allowed to discuss in the family. I never really knew why, but it was restricted. Nothing evil or sadistic happened. It was just a huge wound in my family's life. For a 5 year old to be told that we cannot discuss you feelings about what is going on can cause some major damage in the life of that child. Believe me, I know from experience. From that time on, I witnessed every other marriage in my family begin to break down and ultimately end in divorce. (parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and now cousins my age and younger are getting divorced).

Witnessing all of this heartbreak and wretched destruction of my family led me to become distant to the thoughts of love for another person besides your family. Yes, the milk was soured! I knew from an early age that I would not ever want to really love someone for fear of it ending badly. Knowing what I knew of every relationship in my family, I accepted the fact that I would live a life without a soul mate. I accepted the fact that I probably would never raise a child either.

Please understand that this is written not to find pity upon me. It is simply written to help you understand a bit more about me and why expressing emotion is so difficult for me.

It is no wonder I pull back and carefully watch from a distance.

However, I am tired of lurking in the distance. I want to finally experience these emotions that I have shied away from for so many years of my life. Can I somehow make my way through this forest of caution, guarded life, and reserved emotions, and out into the real world? Will I be able to finally put the past aside and ultimately feel all these emotions that are trying to surface? Will I be able to say I LOVE YOU to that special someone in my life?

Ugh! This is so freakin' frustrating! Am I making any sense here?

Another part of my interactions with Greg that makes me uncomfortable is him telling me (all the time) how wonderful I am, and how lucky he is to have me in his life. Okay, I also don't take compliments well at all.  Yes, I need help!

I have had such a low self-esteem for the majority of my life. Now matter who or how many people I help in this world, I will never feel as though I have done enough for this world. I never feel adequate. I always seek continuous improvement. When people give me compliments, I don't take them at face value. I am very skeptical about the comments, and I pick them apart until they are gone. I don't have to process them.

So, to recap...
(1) I don't take compliments well.
(2) I pull back and hide in cowardice when emotions come to light.
(3) I have a hard time letting other into my life.
(4) I can't say "I love you!" except to family and close friends.

Paging, Dr. Freud!...stat!

Greg and I both have commented in the past two days that I have finally started to open up to him more than I have in the past few weeks since we have began talking. Each night, he still tells me that he loves me, he is proud of me, he is proud to know me, and how lucky he is to have found me. Again, those compliments are very hard for me to take. I don't know how to not be skeptical and so careful. I have to get a grip here!

Do I feel something for Greg?
Yes

Is it friendship or more?
I obviously move slower than Greg. He can picture us down the road. I am just looking across the street right now. LOL

Do I feel love for Greg?
Yes, but is it a friendship-type of love or more...I don't know yet.

Can I see myself in love with someone life Greg (or Greg himself)?
Yes, he has some many of the qualities I look for...
  -  intelligence
  -  ambition
  -  sense of humor
  -  wants kids someday
  -  sense of adventure
  -  love of travel
  -  not more psycho than me (no comments, thank you! LOL)
  -  self-sustained
  -  and more...

So what is holding me back from saying those crazy three little words?
I don't know. I just move a lot slower than Greg, I suppose. I am still very guarded, but less and less with him everyday. I am opening up and revealing my life to him...quirks and all. Hey, even after all the crazy stuff and people in my life that I have revealed he is still talking to me. That says something.

For the record...He and I have even had the relocation talks. We talked about who would be willing to relocate to the other (we both would). However, he is adamant about moving here because of the successes in my life would be harder to rebuild if I moved. He wants me to be successful and happy. How can I not love someone who tells me that daily?

Well, I don't think I will be able to answer my own question. However, I think once he comes here to visit (He also said he will not visit until I am ready for him to be here...) I will know if I am in love or not. Perhaps, at that point I will be able to express how I feel.

That's it for now. Feel free to comment if you desire.

Thanks for listening to this rambling and psychotic babble. Thanks for being such wonderful and supportive friends. I do love you all!

My Weekend...Sail On, Titanic!

Let the insomnia continue...7 days and counting!

It is 1:05 AM, and I am just now deciding to make a posting on here. What am I thinking? Well, I am awake, so why not.

There has been so much going on lately, that I don't know what to post about or even where to begin. Knowing me, I will certainly try. So here we go...

Let the Countdown Begin


The countdown is on until the end of the school year! For the record, we have 24 1/2 school days to go. No, I have not begun to count down by hours yet. Being a former math teacher, I certainly might start it up pretty soon. Below is a picture of a bulletin board at the end of my hallway in the school. This board is changed out every so often. Luckily, it was not my turn to put up a board. That task fell to one of our "specials" teachers on our hallway. I thought I had a wicked sense of humor at times, but I have been outdone. Love it, but I wonder if the students get the pun? Probably not...they are only 6th and 7th graders.

I have not given much thought to how I will feel in the last days of school. Usually, I am so swamped with work (grades, moving my classroom, etc) that I barely have time to let any emotions flow. This group has been one of, if not the most challenging of my career. However, we have also had some of the best students in my career. I know I will miss these students. They have been my life for the past academic year. No matter how rotten some of them have been (boy could I tell you some stories) I still love each of them.

Will I be an emotional wreck at the end of May? Who knows for sure. Only time will tell.


Titanic : The Museum Experience

This weekend I decided I wanted to do something completely different from what I am used to doing. I decided to go to a museum, but not just any museum...The Titanic Museum in Pigeon Forge, TN. So, I get into the car and drive into Pigeon Forge. Just before you get into downtown Pigeon Forge you see the museum on the right. Believe me...you cannot miss it. They built part of the building to look like the front end of the Titanic. They even have it hitting a giant iceberg. I arrived at the museum around 5 PM only to learn that there were no tickets available until the 9 PM time slot. That's right, tickets reserve you a spot in line. Tours begin at the beginning of each hour. I ended up getting tickets for the 8PM show. (Perks of going along...I got in earlier.) So I went to Gatlinburg and played around for a few hours.

Got back to the museum around 7:30 and the line was already winding through the gates. Upon entering the line I was handed a "boarding pass." Each pass has the name and biography of an actual passenger about the Titanic. As you progress through the museum, you are supposed to look out for artifacts and literature that might (or might not) mention your person. I ended up with a 30-year old farmer from Finland. I was a 3rd class passenger trying to make a new life for myself in the mid-west of America. All I wanted to know was "did I survive the Titanic?"

As I made my way through the museum, I stopped to read everything there. The museum is pretty interactive. There are little quiz questions you can answer throughout the museum. There are close to 400 actual artifacts from the Titanic or events before and after the Titanic disaster. Many of the artifacts were linked to passengers and crew members, so their bios were displayed. It was fantastic learning about the people aboard the ship.

My favorite people to read about? John Jacob Astor (the richest man on the ship) and his pregnant 18-year old wife, Madelyn. They were quite the scandal on the ship. Astor's youngest child was one year older than Madelyn. Yes, that was a scandal, but there was so much more. She became pregnant before they were married...whew! Finally, I learned that what caused the most scandal was Madelyn flaunting the fact she was pregnant. Proper ladies were expected to conceal the pregnancy as long as possible. Madelyn did not hide it. 

Along the way, you start wondering through a replica of the interior of the ship's decks. Very interesting to know how tight the hallways were on the lower decks. The 3rd class accommodations were above all other ships in the world. There were 4 beds per room, and each room had running water...that was a luxury! We also learned that there were only two tubs for third class passengers, one for men and one for women. What made my stomach turn was the fact that they changed the water only after the 10th person bathed...YUCK. Second class wasn't bad at all. Comparable to most cruise ships today.

We made our way to a replica of the Grand Staircase of Titanic. I was in awe at its beauty. I was surprised that the floors were covered in linoleum. Evidently, it was more valuable than marble and granite at the time. Our hostess said that when passengers came into the staircase, the most attention was paid to the flooring instead of the solid wood staircase, the enormous skylight, or the crystal lighting. Once out of the staircase, we made our way to a replica of Ida and Isador Strauss' stateroom (ultimate in first class). I have never been in a place so extravagant or opulent.

I would tell more, but I have rambled on for far too long. I would like to say that the last room you are in is the "Memorial Room." In it, etched in glass, are the names of every single person (crew and passenger) aboard the ship. They were divided up by class, then by whether they survived or perished. Consequently, my person (the Finnish farmer) survived. I was surprised. Also, there hung the only life jacket that could be linked to its wearer on the ship. This life jacket belonged to Madelyn Astor...yes, John Jacob Astor's 18 year old pregnant wife.

If you ever get the chance to visit Pigeon Forge, be sure to see this museum. You most certainly will not be sorry you visited. Oh, and give yourself plenty of time. I was in there for over 2 hours. All well worth it.


More to Come in the Next Post

Yes, I have more to say, but I want to devote a separate posting to it. So, more to follow.

It's official...INSOMNIA SUCKS! 

Marathon Post...You Have Been Warned

Okay ladies and gents, I haven't really posted personal info in quite a while. Well, here it is. Merry Christmas!

Funeral
I posted earlier this week that my freshman high school English teacher passed away last Sunday. The funeral is being held tomorrow at home. That is a 2.5 hour drive down there, then the same drive back home. It will be a very long day, but I feel as though I should be there. Looking back, I did not appreciate the greatness of this woman until I became an adult. What I have learned about her in the years since I graduated high school have allowed me to alter my perceptions of her. She was extraordinary. All of the Facebook comments left about her by the thousands of her former students have been great. As I read so many of them, I cannot help but smile and laugh. Oh, the things she said and did in class! There has never been a teacher like her, and I doubt there will ever be again.

She leaves behind her daughter (who is only 3 years older than me), a son-in-law, and 4 beautiful grandchildren. Her imprint on this world will last for decades to come.


Grandmother
The death of my teacher coincided with the 5-year anniversary of my paternal grandmother's death. My grandmother, who everyone lovingly referred to as Tine, was a force to be reckoned with.

She was born on October 12, 1929. She was the oldest of 9 children. Just to give you an idea, my dad is the same age as my grandmother's youngest sister. My grandmother learned very early on how to care for and raise children. She was the one who helped my great-grandparent raise her brothers and sisters. Not by coincidence, my grandmother was the matriarch of the family. She is the one that everyone knew, everyone called upon her, and whatever she said was it!

My grandmother knew the meaning of unconditional love, and she proved that every day of her life. She always went out of her way to help her children and grandchildren. After my parents' divorce, it was my grandmother who watched my brother and I while dad was at work. Like any grandmother born in the early 1900s, she always had dinner on the table when dad got home in the evening. (Oh, do I miss her potato soup, her goulash, and most of all I miss her fried chicken...I have not had a decent piece of fried chicken in 5 years!) There isn't a single memory of my childhood that does not have her in it.

What I remember, and love most about my grandmother is her wit. She had such a wicked sense of humor. Let me share some examples with you:

• Tine hated the seatbelt law when it was enacted. She always used to complain and say that it was those blasted seatbelts that were causing her left breast to be smaller than her right. She was adamant in that opinion. 
• Okay, she was obsessed with her breasts at times. She became the charter member, and president, of the "Itty Bitty Titty Club." The hospital nurses knew of this club and made it a point to joke with my grandmother about "the boobs."
• My favorite memory of her was, oddly enough, when she would be in the hospital. There were times when she was hooked up to a breathing apparatus and could not speak. There were other times when she would be so weak that she couldn't speak either. When you would walk in and ask how she was doing, all it took was for her to flip you the bird to know that she was still there and still fighting. I can still picture that bony and wrinkled hand coming off the bed and that middle finger sticking straight up in the air. We would all just about fall in the floor laughing. Yes, she even did it to the preacher! 

The relationship with our preacher, Randy, and my grandmother was a special one. You see, my grandmother was a God-fearing Christian since childhood. Somewhere down the line she quit going to church. That does not mean she quit believing in God. As long as I can remember, she had not been to a single church service in my lifetime, unless it was for a funeral service. Randy was our family pastor. Randy and my grandmother developed this friendship over a number of years unlike any I had ever seen. I had known Randy since I was about 12, and I cannot recall him having such a friendship with anyone else in my family. He would come in to visit my grandmother, whether in the hospital or at home, and right away my grandmother would start him on him. The first words out of her mouth were usually, "Oh shit, here's the preacher." The would carry on for hours. Randy called my grandmother the most wonderful member of his church that had never stepped foot in the door. Randy gave my grandmother's eulogy, and I couldn't believe it when he began to cry. Yes, this hard-nosed, exuberant Southern-Baptist minister got choked up as he told stories about his relationship with my grandmother. 

I cannot tell you how much I still miss her...everyday. Not a day goes by without a though of her somewhere. I plan on visiting her tomorrow as well. I know that I will get to that hill overlooking the Tennessee River, where the family cemetery is located, and sit down in front of her tombstone. I will simply talk with her for a bit. I know what will happen...I will tear up. You see, I have not cried (and I mean painfully cried) since her death. I held it together during the receiving of friends and the funeral. But, after the funeral, the family went to the casket to say goodbye to her. I remember reaching down and laying my hand on her's. Then, I just froze and stared at her. I couldn't move, and I certainly couldn't let go. I knew it would be the last time I got to hold her hand. My dad finally had to come up and nudge me along. All he said was, "Son, she is no longer there." Well, to me, part of her still was. I walked off for the exit. It was then I was starting to lose it. I ducked away in the private family room. It was then that I literally fell to my knees and wept like I have never wept before or since then. My youngest cousin found me on the floor. She just knelt down next to me and grabbed ahold of me. We both just sat there bawling. That is how much that woman has meant to my life, and she will forever be in my life. 

I miss you Rella! 

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A change of subject is needed here...

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Spring Break

This past week has been our school system's spring break. We have not had an extended break since December. Let me tell you, from a teaching standpoint, that is WAY TOO LONG of a stretch of time without a break. The kids were on burnout, and so were the teachers. 

I chose not to travel during the break. I chose to stay local and relax. I did just that! 

My week has been filled with several different hiking trips in the area, great amounts of sleep, yard work (It was a jungle!), and catching up with friends. It was a very relaxing time, and I needed just that. It was so relaxing that I am not ready to go back to school on Monday. I don't want to go...period! 

The upside to going back is that we will officially be on summer break in 30 school days. The countdown begins! 

More to come...

I decided that this post really has gotten too lengthy for my own good. So, I am choosing to stop for a little while. I will come back in a few hours or so and finish the rest. I really have so much to my wonderful friends. 

Hope everyone is well. 

- JC

Consequently, my thoughts go out to my friend, Los. He really needs some support right now. Los, buddy, you know where to find me if you need someone to talk to. Don't make me get on a plane and come out there to kick your butt! Nothin' but love, my friend! 

Blessing

Just a quick post...

I did not get to make it to NYC to see Scott Alan's concert. I am glad that I was at home this weekend given all the events that have taken place in such a short amount of time. (More on that later.)

In true Scott Alan style, he has posted the performances from the concert onto YouTube. Of course, I was anxious to see what took place. One performance that really stuck out to me was RJ Helton singing "Blessing." Most of you will remember RJ as an American Idol contestant from season 1. You need to check out this performance. (Warning: For those of you who get all teary-eyed, grab the tissue!)

I will post others later, but I have to run. 

Proof in the Power of a Teacher

About 10pm last night, I learned that my freshman high school English teacher had passed away. She was found in her home, by her only daughter, having a heart attack. CPR was administered by her son-in-law, the the EMTs took her to the hospital. She was pronounced dead at 8:30 PM.

Her story is pretty amazing. Just a few weeks ago, she lost her husband who had been extremely ill. She took a medical leave of absence for 40 days while she stayed at her husband's side in the hospital. After her husband died, she assumed his city commission seat through a unanimous vote by the commission.

Besides that, she had been instrumental in a variety of revitalization initiatives in our town. Even if you did not know her personally, you certainly knew of her and her influence on the lives of all citizens in the town.

Beyond her civic contributions, she was first and foremost a high school teacher. I remember hearing horror stories about this mean English teacher you have during your freshman year. I won't lie, I was terrified of what was coming when I got to high school. Yes, she was intimidating. She was a force to be reckoned with. There were several things you knew about her class that you did not question: (1) you did not talk unless it was appropriate, (2) you will respect her and your fellow students, and (3) she despised any grape flavored gum or candy!

Some of my fondest memories of her were her discipline tactics. My favorite was "outer Mongolia." This was an area in her room that was cordoned off for that constant disruption in her class. One of my friends had a permanent residence in outer Mongolia for the year. He tried to give her hell, but she would not be deterred. Outer Mongolia got further and further away from the class and then more secluded. Ultimately, she won!

Another great memory of her was her hatred of grape flavored candy. She could smell even the smallest piece of it when she entered the room, and you better not had been the one to have it. I can still hear her going off about "WHO HAS THE GRAPE CANDY?" Well, our trouble student (the outer Mongolian permanent resident) decided to make our last day with her the most memorable. He stood at the door of the classroom and handed out GRAPE BUBBLE GUM. And, yes, every one of us took a piece and chewed, chewed, chewed. As soon as she walked in the door you can imagine the screeching that went on in the class. She took it in great stride. She was a class act.

She is the one who introduced me to theater and the performing arts. In the ONLY field trip we ever took in high school, she took the entire freshman class to see a performance of "Oliver," a musical adaptation of a Charles Dickens novel. It was a blast. I will forever be grateful to her for that interest and appreciation I gained for the arts.

Another great memory of her was her hair. Yes, her hair. She had a style all her own. We all swore that she woke up with her hair as messy as it was. Now, you have to imagine, this was a woman who knew style. She only got her clothes from boutiques. She liked being in fashion, and I don't think we ever saw the same outfit twice. Knowing that, we couldn't fathom how her hair looked so disheveled everyday. (The picture below is a good example...)

The most miraculous part of her teaching career is the length of time she had been teaching. She had been teaching since 1966. That right, she has been teaching for 45 years. As a teacher now, I can tell you that it takes great amounts of patience, determination, and a sheer love of students to teach that long. Also, she remained as effective as when she first began. She taught my dad, my aunt, and my uncle when she began her teaching career in the 60s. In reality, she has taught 3 to 4 generations of students. I know no other teacher who could say that.

A testimony to her effectiveness and her everlasting impression on all our lives is the fact that within an hour of her death, one of her current students had already created a Facebook page in memory of her. It has only been a little over 12 hours since the page was created, and there are already 675 members on the page. The memories are pouring on the page. I have taken time to read a lot of them, and there is a common thread running through all of them...the passion she had for teaching and for her students. I think that page and the responses to it truly show her legacy will live on in all of us.

I only hope that I can leave even a fraction of the impression she has left on her students and this world.

She will be missed by all who knew her. The stories of her life, her teaching, her faith, her loyalty to friends and family, and her legacy will live on in all of us. This world will not be the same without Mrs. Wassom.

Thoughts and prayers go out to her family, friends, our high school family, and our community.

Note: As of midnight on 4/12/10, the membership to the tribute page was over 1000.

Update on the Date

It was brought to my attention this morning that I had not reported back to everyone about my date this weekend. My fault...

Anyway, it was Saturday night. I met Ryan at his house, which is about 45 minutes north of mine. When I got there, Ryan met me at the door. We sat and chatted for a few minutes. Before we left, he had to let his two dogs out for a bathroom break. Okay, the dogs were cute but extremely hyper. They were instantly jumping all over me. I can handle that! We stood outside for about 15 minutes or so while the dogs roamed the yard. There was some conversation about life in general, but that was between his German Shepard trying to run around me and get me tangled in his leash.

We went to dinner at this Italian restaurant in town. Wouldn't you know it, one of my teaching colleagues was there. (I seriously cannot go anywhere without seeing someone I know.) Dinner was awesome and the conversation was pretty good.

After dinner we went back to his house to catch a movie on Netflix. A little more conversation during the movie, and that was about it.

I don't know what to think. I know that we are at totally different points in our lives. The conversations could have gone better. I don't know...maybe I was expecting more interest on my part. There was just no spark or real interest.

I think we could be awesome friends, but I don't feel a relationship happening there. Hey, there is nothing wrong with having more friends.

That means I am still living in the singles realm. Life goes on!

Off to rake grass and clean up plant beds. Oh, the joys of spring break...more work!

- JC

So Long, Julia Sugarbaker!

I just learned that actress Dixie Carter passed away yesterday.

Dixie Carter is probably best known for her role as Julia Sugarbaker on Designing Women. Julia was the fiesty, opinionated, fearless, and downright ruthless Sugarbaker sister. I remember watching Designing Women with my grandmother when she would be taking care of us. Oh, the good old days.

Dixie Carter was an extremely talented actress, a classically-trained opera singer, and just an amazing woman. I doubt there was much she could not achieve.

As a tribute, and just a fun way to remember Dixie (and Julia), I am attaching a few videos.

Now I Know My ABC's...

I saw this on Callen's blog this morning and thought I would try it. 
So, here we go.


The ABC's of Me

A - Available: seems that way (I don't have much free time anyway)
B - Best Friend: Without a doubt...Jenny Lynn
C -Crush: there are fleeting moments at the thought of someone, but none at the moment
D -Dad’s Name: Joe
E - Easiest Person To Talk To: Jenny, Lynne, TRG
F - Favorite Food: Anything Indian or Italian
G -Gummy Bears Or Worms: mini-gummy bears (yes, they exist)
H -Hometown: Knoxville, TN
I - Instrument: played trumpet and xylophone in middle school. high school and early college years
J - Job: Teacher, union president, consummate volunteer, committee chairman (I have many titles)
K -Kids: someday I will adopt a few kids
L - Longest Car Ride: New Orleans to Knoxville with people I had a falling out with while in NO.
M -Milk Flavor: Plain old SKIM milk
N -Number of Siblings: one brother (31), one step-sister (36), one adopted sister (22)
O -One Wish: see below...

P -Phobias: spiders, death, failure
Q -Favorite Quote: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt
R -Reason to Smile: simply...being alive
S -Song You Last Heard: "Goodbye Cruel World" - Tuft University's Beelzebubs (gives me goosebumps every time I play it...check it out)
T -Time You Woke Up: 7:30 AM, and that is late for me
U -Unknown Fact About Me: I was the star of my 5th grade school play. I was Benjamin Franklin!
V -Vegetable: without a doubt...green beans. I can never get enough of them.
W -Worst Habits: biting my fingernails, sarcasm (is that SO bad?), not taking time for me
X - X-Rays You’ve Had: spine, right leg, teeth...do a few CT scans count, too?
Y - Your Favorite Pastime: lately, it has been hiking
Z - Zodiac Sign: Cancer

Oh Happy Day!

There is good news abound this morning...

(1) I will officially be on Spring Break at 2:51 PM TODAY! 

(I need the rest!)

(2) I've got a date tomorrow evening. 

(3) Best friend, Jen, got engaged on Saturday. I am extremely excited and happy for her. 

That's it for now. Just wanted to share these bits of happy information. 

Have a great day! 

- JC

Dilemma

I have a dilemma...

There is a concert next Monday night that I would give anything to attend. The concert is the music of Scott Alan. It is no secret that I am a huge fan of his music. The concert next Monday has quite a lineup of some of Broadway's brightest stars.

- Scott Alan

- Matt Doyle

- David Burtka (yes, he is Neil Patrick Harris' better half)

- RJ Helton (American Idol fame)

- The Broadway Boys

So here is my dilemma. I live over 600 miles away from New York City. I don't have a trip planned for NYC next week. In fact, I planned on chilling out next week during spring break. (My big trip will be New Orleans this summer, so no other big trips planned until then!)

Do I make the trip just for the concert?

Stay tuned!

Friendships

Today I took a break from doing the yard work which had me so engaged this morning. I came back into the house, sat down on the couch with a tall glass of water, and then turned on the television. (big mistake...my 10 minute break turned into a two-hour movie experience)

I turned the television to one of the movie channels and landed on Nicholas Nickelby. It is the film adaptation of the famous Charles Dickens' book of the same name. I am a huge fan of Charles Dickens and have seen this movie before. In fact, I own the DVD. I had not seen this movie in about 2-3 years. So I settle in to watch it.

One of the aspects of the movie that really got me thinking was the friendship between Nicholas and Smike. Their friendship began in school. At some point, Nicholas defends Smike when he is being beaten by the school's headmaster. Their friendship only moves on from here.

Smike becomes Nicholas' traveling companion as he moves into adulthood. Basically, Nicholas looks after Smike, and vice versa.

As some point in the movie, Nicholas returns home to defend his sister's honor and to care for his family. Smike becomes a part of the Nickelby family. Turns out that Smike become extremely ill, and is instructed to be moved out of the city for his health. It is revealed that Smike will die from his illness. At this revelation, Nicholas breaks down at the thought of losing his lifelong friend. The pain that pours out of Nicholas really got to me. (No I did not cry, but it was close!)

Near the end of the movie, Nicholas and Smike are lying outside in a field just talking. Smike revealed that it was at this point in his life that he is truly happy for the first time in his life. It was just then that Nicholas takes a hold of Smike's hand, and Smike dies. Again, the tears are flowing from Nicholas.


The point of this post is not to tell you the story of Nicholas Nickelby and his friendship with Smike. In fact, I am not going to tell you anymore about the book. If you want to know more, pick up a book! (or the DVD for those who don't care to read it) I was feeling a longing for the kind of friendship that Nicholas and Smike had.

Sure, there are people in my life that I call my friends. However, there are so few people in my life that I can say could bring me to tears. These are the people who know everything about me and still love me just the same. These are the friends that I would die for in order to spare them even just one ounce of pain.

This type of friend is so rare, yet so special that words could not describe them or the friendship. It is more than just a simple friendship between two people...it is becoming one in each other's life. You become a member of each other's family. There is a love that is unconditional.

Do you have those friendships? If you can truly answer yes...you are fortunate beyond your wildest dreams.

I can say that I have those friendships, but they are unimaginably scarce. I love these friendships, and I would not trade them for all the money in this world.

However, the part that is sucking today is that I miss these friends. Today finds me in a state of severe loneliness. There is a sadness today. I fiercely want to pick up the phone, call these friends, drive to wherever they may be, and just be around them.

Yes, I am being a sap today! I am allowed that every now and then.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Part of the loneliness is the fact that I have spent most of the week working with the most incredible high schoolers from across the state, and now I am sitting in the silence of my house.

Out!

Just Plain Sickened

Feeling a bit green with envy tonight.

My dad, the man who has never been to any concert in 30 years, just called me tonight from a concert I was dying to go see. Check out this lineup...

- Leeann Womack

- Reba McEntire

- Kelly Clarkson

- Brooks & Dunn

- Melissa Peterman

- George Strait

Yes, I am jealous. Ugh! Wish I could have been there!

Oh well, life goes on...

Happy Birthday

Wanted to take just a second to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my friend, MNJ!

Hope you have a wonderful 40th birthday. Take care and love ya!
- JC