One Year Ago : A Tribute

I wanted to take a moment to remember and celebrate the life of a blogger many of us knew as Razz.

Razz (aka Chris) was a 19 year old blogger from England. I will admit that I came upon Razz's blog in March of last year. I didn't know at the time that the blog post that I read would be his last one. Nor did I know that he was soon to pass away. For those reasons, I did not get the chance to know Razz personally. However, I did take the time to read his blog in its entirety. The more I read, the more I felt as though I knew this awesome character. The best description I read of him came from Torchy. He described Razz as "a totally sorted, happy, and inspirational young man."

What drew me most to Razz and his blog was his love of life and who he was. My favorite times in Razz's life was when he came to America to attend a university. It was there he met Jay. Their story is awesome.

It was one year ago today that Razz lost his battle with bone cancer. Razz was taken from this world in the prime of his life. He left in his wake so many people who were touched by his life, either personally or through his writing. He inspires me to want to live my life.

So if you will, take a few moments this evening (either in prayer or just in thought) to think about Razz and the many lives touched by this remarkable gent from across the great pond.

HERE is a link to his blog called "Doin' Me Head In"
HERE you will find a site dedicated to the memory of Razz.

Before ending this thought, I wanted to bring a quote to you from Razz about his look back on his life. I think you will see what I mean by an inspirational guy:

"I've just had a bit of time to think and reflect,

and I came to realize that up to this point,

I've actually lived the life I wanted.

And that's what makes it perfect.

That makes me happy." 

(taken from Razz's post)

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To any of my fellow bloggers who knew Razz, I was curious to know if anyone had heard from Jay, Ste, or any of his friends? I simply hope they have found some peace and happiness since losing their beloved brother and friend. If you have heard, please email me and let me know. Thanks! 

My Heart Has a Rip in It

I have spent some time today debating with myself whether I would post this or not, but there have been some events in the past 24 hours that make me sure I want to post. I guess it means my blood is boiling a bit.

Last night I was working my butt off trying to meet a publishing deadline for the school's yearbook. As much as I had been working, I had to stop myself to catch the one show I watch on Wednesday nights...The Real World : DC. I have been an avid follower of the show since season two. Who knew this show would take off as it did and was as sustainable. Okay, focus...

Tonight's episode spent a majority of the time focusing on the relationship between Mike and his on-again boyfriend, Tanner.

I was impressed by Mike's openness of his love for Tanner. Neither he or Tanner were afraid to show their love for each other. They were holding hands down the street, hugging each other, etc. That is not something you see much of in public...well, at least not in my little town.

Honestly, I needed to see that. I struggle even hugging my gay friends in public. That's right, I still have lots of fear. I account part of that to be from my extremely conservative upbringing, and a big part of that is my denial and hatred of myself for so long. Watching Mike and Tanner really put some sliver of hope in my heart. I smiled just watching these two in love and not afraid to say it.

That was not remotely close to where I wanted this post to go, but as usual my mind will wonder from time to time. I really wanted to talk about the end of the show when Tanner returns home to the Midwest. To catch everyone up on this, at that point of the show Tanner was not out to his family. He had an incredibly strong relationship with his family. They were supporting him while he was finishing college.

Upon returning from his visit with Mike, Tanner made the choice to come out to his parents so they could know of the love Tanner had for Mike. Tanner began by telling his mother that he wanted to share with her who the love of his life was. His mother's comment was "Just let it be a girl. I don't care what she's like, as long as she is a girl." Obviously that was not going to be the case. Tanner revealed he was gay and in love with Mike. At that point, Tanner's family shunned him.

Tanner calls Mike near the end of the episode just inconsolable. It was at that point my heart ripped a bit. It hurt for Tanner. I cannot see how a family that loves him so much can decide that he is no good and essentially want to disown him, as well as cut off their support of him...all of this because of the person he loves. How can a mother or father deny their child love and happiness? I don't understand. It makes me furious to think about it.

I do need to stop here and say that the episode left us hanging, not knowing if Tanner's family cut him off. We will have to wait until next week to find that out.

Ironically, I find myself in a predicament of my own. I have not come out to my mother. I have such a great amount of anxiety and fear about that day. I know my mother's religious convictions, and I respect that. I am simply afraid of losing her again in my life. My childhood is wrought with my mother not being present from age 5 to age 18. We have spent the past 10 years or so building a relationship again as mother and son. I love my mother with every ounce of my being. What if she decides that I am not worthy and therefore she would choose to stay out of my life? I don't know that I could handle that very well. As I sit here writing this I feel my body shake, and I am fighting back tears just thinking about the possibility of losing her again. This is the strength of this fear.

Believe me when I tell you that I long to let my mother know more about me. Who I will one day love is a part of my life that I want to share with her, but I don't know that I will be able to do it. My mother knows of the responsible, extremely hard-working, caring, and compassionate son she has. Alas, she does not know of another important part of my life...one that I did not share with ANYONE for so many years. Will she continue to love me for who I am and who I love? Will she shun me? Oh, I wish I had someone that could give me the answers to these questions. If I knew them, then I could make a decision as to tell or not to tell.

This is my mother...seriously! 

I think because of my relationship with my mother, I was able to personally connect to Tanner's story. Like I said, my heart ripped a bit last night learning about his parent's response to him sharing his life with them.

Part two of this story was something I did not expect, but it was the main reason I got so fired up on this today. My friend Mikey has been struggling with coming out to his mom for a while now. In today's post he reveals to us that he told his mother he is gay. My heart was ripped further when I learned of his mother's reaction to the news. She told him he was not gay; it is that he is just going through a rough time right now.

Mikey's mother did not shun or disown him as in Tanner's story, but I think her reaction was just as painful. If you would like to read his post about coming out to his mother, CLICK HERE.

I do believe that Mikey's mother will continue to love him as she always has. I also am hopeful that her denial will fade with time, and that she will accept her son for the man is today. From what I have learned about her over the past year, I do have that hope. I can see her turning around one day and standing up for her son when he hurts, when he is in love, when he is at his happiest. Yes, Mikey, I can see that!

The point of this post is simple...how can parents who claim to love their children instantly turn around and shun them from their lives because of who they love? How can they be our examples of unconditional love when it is so obvious that, in some cases, the love IS conditional.

Again, my heart is ripped today and it hurts for Tanner, Mikey, and those living in the same situation. Know that each of you is loved by many people in this world. You are never alone. We will ALWAYS be here for you...no matter what!

-------------------------------------------------------------------

I wanted to add this picture simply because it made me laugh. This is Mike and Tanner during a time they were volunteering with the Human Rights Campaign (HRC). 

Found this video on YouTube this afternoon while taking a break from grading papers. The video is the first release from the four remaining members of Boyzone, since the death of their band mate and brother, Stephen Gatley. The song is beautiful, but the video is incredible. The raw emotion and sadness is still there, 5 months after Stephen's death. I was compelled to post it.

Marriage???

A got a phone call last night from a close friend of mine (K). She had called to tell me about the conference she had attended over the weekend. Originally, I was scheduled to attend, but I decided not to go so I could get some well-needed rest. She proceeded to tell me that there were a couple people (E & G) at the conference that were asking about me and my reactions to the whole job hiring fiasco that transpired a few weeks ago. My friend was very upfront with how I had been feeling. Gotta love friends that will stand up for you.

Part two of this story had me rolling on the floor.

Near the end of their conversation, K told me that there was a change in the conversation. She said that E & G were gearing up to ask about my personal life. Evidently, I mentioned my weekend of seeing Spring Awakening during an interview question. (The question during the interview was how do I deal with stress. I mentioned hiking, movies, theatre, etc. Hey, they asked!) The discussion continued to was I married, dating anyone, or whatever. Then, E & G began to ask a question, but they couldn't seem to produce the words to ask. Finally, one of them asked K if I could get legally married in our state...

K, being the ever witty one just smiled and said YES & NO.

At this point in the story, I was laughing so hard I could have peed my pants. I couldn't believe that the question was so difficult for them to ask. I loved the legal marriage question being posed. Very insightful and tactful I thought.

So here's the deal...I have spent the past three years trying to finally discover who I am. It has been a long road to get where I am as of today. While I know that I have a long way to go, I am finally proud of who I have become. (Those of you who know me, personally, know that I have never been a self-assured person. Times, they are a-changin'!)

How do I know I have come a long way from where I was three years ago? It's simple...I had no fear when K was telling me I had been outed to E & G. If anything, there was a sense of relief. This revelation to E & G does not, in any way, change who I am in this world. I am still the same obsessive-compulsive, ADHD, caring, and driven individual. I am the one who works to take care and to serve others before himself.

I guess where I wanted to go with this post is that any fear I have had in the past years seems to be slowly fading away. I am smiling as I write this because I am finally beginning to believe it.

Thanks to all of you for you love and support over the past few years. Some of you have been here through thick and thin. You have helped me realize that I am exactly who I was meant to be. I will never be able to repay all the talks, words or support, and sheer kindness you have given me.

I hope that I will be able to return the support to someone else in need in the future.
PAY IT FORWARD!

I love this video.

It is Cyndi Lauper singing her hit "True Colors"

from As the World Turns

When I was in the military

They gave me a medal for killing two men

Ans a discharge for loving one.

I found this picture today on the Facebook page of a great friend. I think the picture speaks volumes. 

Consequently, my good friend was discharged from the US Army for being gay a couple years ago. Being a good friend of mine, you can bet I was pretty ticked off by how he was treated. All of this happened because someone had a vendetta against him and sent emails to his commanding officers outing him as gay. Yes, my friend even made national headlines several years ago. To make it worse, he was an Arabic linguist. He was someone who was crucial to our wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, but our leaders decided he was not fit to serve because of who he loved. 

Being an American, I am ashamed of the continued discrimination of approximately 66,000+ men and women in our Armed Forces who identify as gay, lesbian, or bi-sexual. 

Each school day (and beyond), I teach my students to love, honor, and respect one another. I try to teach them that under the auspices of the United State Constitution, all men (and women) are equal in the eyes of the law. However, how can I look my students in the eye and tell them that every American...all 300,000,000+, live and follow the Constitution? Truth is that discrimination is alive and rampant in this wonderful country we call home. My 6th graders are not blind. They see, hear, and observe everything. 

Love, honor, and respect one another! 

When will the adults learn the same lesson that my kids understand so easily? 

Perhaps the adults need to go back to school...

The picture above just sent shivers through me and set off a spark that ignited in me. Thus, this posting. Thanks for listening. 

Katie Thompson

My musical obsessions continue.

This month, I thought I would introduce some of you to Ms. Katie Thompson.

Katie is a critically-acclaimed recording artist, musical theatre performer, and songwriter. If you don't know of Katie, just take a listen to her music and her voice.

Love you Katie!

You Side (one of my personal favorites)
Written by Katie Thompson
Performed by Lisa Brescia

It Doesn't Hurt

Written by Katie Thompson

Performed by Katie Thompson

I Know

Written by Katie Thompson

Performed by Matt Doyle

Stay

Written by Katie Thompson

Performed by Katie Thompson and Eden Espinosa

I'm Not Pregnant (too freakin funny)

Written by Katie Thompson

Performed by Carly Jibson

Say Goodbye

Written by Scott Alan

Performed by Katie Thompson

Heaven is a Place on Earth

Written by Belinda Carlisle

Performed by Katie Thompson

Climbing Mountains, Doing Laundry, Etc.

As posted yesterday, I took several hours (about 4, in fact) to go hiking along the Appalachian Trail. I love to go hiking, especially when I need to clear my head, relieve some stress, scream, etc. I left the house around noon on Saturday for the 90 minute drive up to Carvers Gap. For you math people, it is over a mile above sea level.

Before I go any further, let me tell you about the weather we have had lately. January and February were AWFUL for snow. We have had so many occurrences of snow in the past two months that we have some schools in the area who only recently get to complete a full week of classes since December. In the past week or two, spring has finally begun to poke through the grayness of winter. We need the sunshine so badly. On Saturday, the weather was more than perfect! It was mostly clear skies and 70 degrees. Perfect weather to go hiking!

Imagine my surprise as I am driving up the mountain to see mounds of snow along the road. It was piled high! I was shocked. When I get to the Appalachian Trail, I did not know if I had made the right choice to wear shorts for the hiking experience. I got out of the car and it was WARM! Perfect, despite the snow.

The pictures above are the snow covered paths on the trail. I should have worn something with spikes on the bottom to peruse past the treacherous trail. Granted, this was at the beginning (and, consequently the end) of my journey. This area is heavily wooded, so sunlight is limited. The snow was up to almost a foot deep in some places, such as some of the places I stepped. Ugh! Once I finally got out of the snow covered trail I was met with large amounts of sunshine and great warmth. Again, PERFECT!!!

Below are a couple panoramic shots taken with my camera. I love this option!

The panoramic shots above were taken at the point in my hike that I stopped to rest and take in the sheer beauty of the world in which I live. I was just in awe of the peace and quiet, the crisp and clean air, and the lack of human interaction. It was excellent...just what I needed. I probably sat on that rock for about 45 minutes to an hour. I had so much that needed to be cleared from my head.

So what is on my mind? (If you are dying to know...keep reading!)

First, I needed to just relieve myself of the stress that has been consistently building over the past weeks. Our spring break is not happening until mid-April. That is a full month later that we are accustomed. The kids are getting antsy, the staff is getting antsy and stressed, and there has not been a true break since December. If you add the stress of the impending state aptitude tests that our students will take in only two weeks (AHHHHH!), and you have got more stress than any normal human should have. Bless the life of a teacher!

I have every confidence in my abilities as a teacher. I have been told on several occasions that I know how to relate to and talk to students. I have been told that I work to build trust and relationships with my students. Honestly, I thought all teachers knew that was the key to helping your students succeed. I guess I was wrong!  I know my kids will kick some serious butt on the state tests during the first week of April. However, I still stress and pray!

Next, many of you know I have been looking at my future as a teacher in my current school system. Well, it all came to a head about three weeks ago when I went for another job interview and discovered that the company I interviewed with did not even fill the position. To top it all off, they did not even call to let us each know we were not chosen. I have been very angry for a couple weeks for that. I felt as though I had been drug along in the mud for too long. I had wondered why I was busting my butt with the company (okay, the union) when I am being treated this way. Well, I have learned in recent days and weeks that a number of the interviewers wanted me for the job. However, there is some underlying issue that no one is willing to reveal. Who knows? So now I am left with the prospect of what I will be doing next year...

I have decided that I will continue in my current school system if I cannot work for the union yet. I am, however, putting in for a transfer to the elementary level. I look forward to the new challenges and rewards this move will bring. Also, I am choosing to remain as president of our local union for another year. I feel we have come a long way in the past year, and I want to work with my colleagues to continue to improve all that we have worked so hard to do for our teachers and students.

In other news...I am being stalked! No joke. There is this guy who has been staking me for about a week now. I am not lying to you when I say that I have been receiving about 30+ texts and 5-10 phone calls a day from this guy. I don't really know this guy. I have only met him once through mutual friends. Now he is trying to Facebook stalk me. Luckily, I have non-friends blocked. It is freaking me out. Today, alone, I have had 26 texts and 7 calls. I sent a message to this guy telling him to back off before I go to the police. (Not that I will do that, but it sounded good.) I keep my home address unlisted anyway, so I don't worry about random people showing up at my house. Ugh!

I sat on that rock and just listened to the silence of nature. Refreshing. Then I played my meditation music from my iPod, and I meditated for a while. I loved every minute of it. I did spend some time talking with God about life and what it holds for me. This mountain top is where I feel I am free from all distractions, and it allows me to listen!

When I got down from the trail, I took some time to just stretch, take more pictures, and finally head home. I got home about 7:30 - 8:00 last night. What a wonderful day.

Above is a picture of my foot near the snow. I do have a picture of my foot in the snow, but it was scary. As my students will tell me when I wear sandals to work...I need to get a pedicure. LOL! For the record, NO, I did not wear flip-flops while hiking. I had to change after my shoes ended up way to muddy.

Now, while I write this post, I am on break from today's chores. I have been making home improvements, shopping at Wal-Mart (oh, Lord, help me!) and Lowes, doing 8+ loads of laundry, cleaning out cabinets and closets, taking out the trash, writing lesson plans, creating review activities, and so much more. Feels good just to sit down for a moment.

Also, this week is going to be insane. We are going to school Monday through Saturday this week to make up one of the 6 snow days we have to work in. Six straight days of school...the kids will be crazy! Also, I will get home on Saturday afternoon and pack. I am leaving for Nashville (yes, again) on Sunday and will not get back home until the following Wednesday. In reality, I will not get a day off for another two weeks. I am trying to savor every down moment I can get. Pray for me!

Hope everyone is doing well. I need to contact some of you to find out what is going on with you. Miss you all.

Take Care,
- Joey


For you consideration: 
"I Know," written by the incomparable Katie Thompson.
Which version of this song do you like better? (Matt or Shoshana)

Gone Hiking

So thankful for a beautiful day! (Finally...NO SNOW!)

I am heading out of the house to go hiking for the day.

1. Will head off to see Laurel Falls.

2. Then I will head off to hike the Appalachian Trail for 4 - 5 hours.

(For the record...not a pic of me. It's just an awesome shot.)

Will post pictures later from my trip. Have a great Saturday, all! 

Amazing...The Mind of Child

I Am An Idiot Sometime!

Ugh!

I just bought myself a ticket to see Ingrid Michaelson in concert. She is playing in Knoxville, TN on Tuesday, March 30. She will be opening for Mat Kearney. I was so excited to get to finally see Ingrid in concert.

Well, the idiot in me kicked in. Once I purchased the ticket, I realized that I will be in Nashville that week, and have no way to get to the concert on Tuesday night.

What was I thinking?

Now I just need to find someone who would be interested in going. The funny thing is that very few of my friends probably know much of Ingrid's music. Oh, well!

(If anyone reading this will be near Knoxville on Tuesday, March 30, let me know...the ticket is yours!)

Did I mention it was on the second row?!?!?!?! Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrg!

Below are some of Ingrid's videos. Enjoy!

What is Passion?

My friend, Chris, wrote a posting tonight about passion. It really got me thinking about what my passions are in life.

First off, Merriam-Webster defines passion as the following:

1. intense, driving, or overmastering feeling or conviction
2. a strong liking or desire for or devotion to some activity, object, or concept

The more thought I put into this, the more I realize how clear mine are in this life. So here we go. 

Working with Children

Whether it is teaching or working one-on-one with a child, my greatest passion in life is my work with students. I cannot tell you the rewards I feel through my work as a teacher. I get to see the point in life when a student finally grasps a concept being taught to them, and then watching that student begin to believe in themselves. I get to teach students about acceptance of others, respect, kindness, love, etc. I get to affect the future of our world through my work with my students. 

Today is a prime example of the non-material rewards I receive as a teacher and mentor. We took our students to the track and football field during the last 20 minutes of school today. (The purpose was to get them outside to run off some energy...they are wild!) While there, another hallway of students came out to the field.  This other hall is where the majority of my students from last year are located. There was a mad rush to come up, hug me, talk to me, just hang out with their "old" teacher. It is simple things like this that make all the difference. When I question why I teach, I look to these moments and it is clear! 

Community Involvement and Volunteering

I believe that it is our responsibility to give back to our society. I do that in two ways: (1) through my involvement in community organizations and (2) through my volunteer work. 

I bide my spare time working with some of the best youth organizations in our great state and country. I now sit on three state committees in these organizations. I am helping to shape the future of the organizations and those touched by their reach. 

I also believe that volunteering our time helps keep us humble. First, I regularly donate blood to the American Red Cross. I know there are those who need it more than I need my extra 2 pints. I am helping to save lives. I also volunteer at our local soup kitchen to feed the homeless. 

Theatre and the Performing Arts

I have a passion for the performing arts. Specifically, I am most passionate about the theatre. I don't know what it is, but I lose myself when I am witnessing an awesome play or musical. I put myself in the middle of the story, the plot, the characters, etc. It is my release from all the stresses that pile up in this world. 

Traveling

I have this insatiable thirst to see the world. I want to learn about all the cultures of the world. I firmly believe in acceptance and appreciation of all citizens of this world. The best way to accept and appreciate everyone is to learn more about them. Give me a plane ticket and a suitcase, and I am on my way. 

So there is a start of a list. There are others, but I think I will stop for now. 

In his blog, Chris was talking about how he has interests in so many different areas of life, but he did not feel passion for any of them. I think Chris has passion for each of the areas he mentioned in his blog. I hope he can rediscover the passion in each of them. Don't worry, Chris, you will find it! 

Would you want her as your doctor???

Something to think about...

Over the Mountains

It is no secret that I am a huge fan of Scott Alan's music. This past week he posted a video of Stuart Matthew Price singing one of Scott's newest songs, called "Over the Mountains." 


As usual, I am blown away by the music, the lyrics, and the passion in the song. 


Below is the video and the lyrics. (At least, I hope I got the lyrics correct...sorry Scott!)

Here in this home

Here in this mess I have made

I am sure of whom I was believed to be

But as much as I have prayed

Nothing’s changed

I lived in lies

That claimed the ending of my youth

Now I fight to take my place here in this world

And I won’t return

Until I finally do

Over the mountains

They say a man stands for dignity

I’ll fight my battles troop I find my truth

Erasing the static and all this commotion

My family’s now the soldiers in my troop

My life is packed

Don’t know exactly what waits for me

Where the way I see the world around me change

Where my childhood died

A distant memory

I will stay brave

I’ll leave with thoughts that went unsaid

Of the concerns that I may never be returned

That the battlefield may be my home instead

Over the mountains

They say a man fights for freedom

A soldier’s not a boy there anymore

We’ll leave behind our families

To protect them from our enemies

And join a brotherhood fighting in war

I will be cautious, but I will thrive

I will do anything just to stay alive……………

Over the mountains

I will fight for freedom

When I return I will not be who I was before

I leave behind a family

Hide behind my identity

To join a brotherhood fighting this war

Oh.................

My country tis of thee

Sweet land of liberty

Of thee I say....

I won’t be silent

I will be changed

I’ll make you proud

You will be proud

Over the mountains

Over the mountains

Random Survey

Okay, I admit it...I am bored. So I decided to fill out one of those blasted surveys.

Sorry, in advance!



 
  

Random
Do you have any pets?	None...especially the ones that shed
What color shirt are you wearing?	Blue sweater
Name three things that are physically close to you:	Cell phone, my laptop, my bottle of water
What is the last book you read?	Haven't had much time to read lately. There is a new biography out I want to read on Katharine Hepburn. She is just fascinating.
Are you or were you a good student?	In undergrad...not at first. In graduate school...my lowest score was an A-
What's your favorite sport?	To play...volleyball. To watch...college football
Do you enjoy sleeping late?	Not at all
What's the weather like right now?	Cloudy and cooler...bring on spring!
Who tells the best jokes?	Most certainly not me. My specialty is SARCASM!
What was the last thing you dreamed about?	My wedding, and my dead grandmother coming back just to see me get married. It was bizarre.
Do you drive?  If so, have you ever crashed?	I do drive, and I have never crashed. (Keeping my fingers crossed.)
Do you believe in karma?	I believe you reap what you sew, but not specifically karma.
Do you believe in luck?	When it is good, I do.
Do you like your eggs scrambled or sunny side up?	Scrambled with cheese
Do you collect anything?  If so, what?	Sadly, rubber ducks. I have well over 110 of them in my classroom.
Are you proud of yourself?	Some of the time. I am my harshest critic, though.
Are you reliable?	Definitely.
Have you ever given money to a bum?	Yes
What's your favorite food?	Anything Indian (chicken curry, anyone?)
Have you ever had a secret admirer?	Yes
Do you like the smell of gasoline?	Sometime
Do like to draw?	No, I have no artistic ability in drawing, painting, etc.
What's your favorite invention?	The airplane. I love to fly.
Is your room messy?	Right now, yes.
What do you like better: oranges or apples?	Most of the time...oranges!
Do you give in easily?	I try not to.
Are you a good guesser?	I knew you were going to ask that!
Can you read other people's expressions?	Very well. I am a teacher, after all.
Are you a bully?	Nope
Do you have a job?	Yes, I teach 6th grade Ancient Cultures and General Sciences
What time did you wake up this morning?	6 AM (on a Saturday)
What did you eat for breakfast this morning?	Yogurt Burst Cheerios & V8 Fusion
When was the last time you showered?	About an hour ago (2nd one today)
What do you plan on doing tomorrow?	Heading to my classroom to get some much needed work done
What's your favorite day of the week and why?	Friday b/c it is the beginning of the weekend.
Do you have any nicknames?	Mr. C, King Crab, etc.
Have you ever been scuba diving?	No, but I am wanting to on my next trip to the Virgin Islands
What's your least favorite color?	Brown
Is there someone you have been constantly thinking about?  If yes, who?	Yes, and I will plea the 5th for now
Would you ever go skydiving?	Planning on it this year. Look out world!
What toothpaste do you use?	Crest Max White
Do you enjoy challenges?	Love 'em!
What's the worst injury you have had?	When I was 9, my dog bit off the back part of my leg...all the doctors could do was sanitize the wound and let it grow back. You can still see where it happened.
What's the last movie you saw?	Saw Alice in Wonderland on 3-D yesterday morning.
What do you want to know about the future?	What would be the best stock to buy today and sell in a year for 1000% profit. (I wish!)
What does your last text message say?	I'm sorry. (My friend apologize for having to cancel our plans for the night.)
Who was the last person you spoke over the phone to?	My dad...everyday!
What's your favorite school subject?	Mathematics, of course! (I miss teaching it, too!)
What's your least favorite school subject?	Sophomore and Senior year English. Had the two worst teachers imaginable, so they ruined it for me.
Would you rather have money or love?	What's wrong with having both?
What is your dream vacation?	Spending a month on the island of St. John in the US Virgin Islands. (To see the house I want to go back to, just google "St. John Cest Bleu")
What is your favorite animal?	Monkey
Do you miss anyone right now?	Several people
What's the last sporting event you watched?	UT Vols vs. Kentucky Wildcats basketball (today)
Do you need to do laundry?	Desperately
Do you listen to the radio?	When I am in the car
Where were you when 9/11 happened?	Working at the back. I remember our branch manager running across the lobby telling us a plane had struck one of the towers. Saw the second one hit LIVE.
What do you do when vending machines steal your money?	Kick it, then move on.
Have you ever caught a butterfly?	Yes, but it was an unfair match.
What color are your bed sheets?	Tan and red
What's your ringtone?	Adam Lambers "Whatya Want from Me"
Who was the last person to make you laugh?	On of my students
Do you have any obsessions right now?	Too many to list
Do you like things that glow in the dark?	Sure
What's your favorite fruity scent?	Strawberry or Peach
Do you watch cartoons?	Not like I used to, but Saturday cartoons are not the same anymore.
Have you ever sat on a roof?	Frequently when I was a kid, and even jumped off it more frequently...right into our swimming pool
Have you ever been to a different country?	England, France, Monaco, Italy, Canada, etc.
Name three things in the world you dislike:	Hatred, bigotry, stupidity
Name three people in the world you dislike:	Bin Laden, Rush Limbaugh, anyone who hates others
Has a rumor even been spread about you?	Only one????
Do you like sushi?	Nope
Do you believe in magic?	Miracles...yes! Magic...not so much.
Do you hold grudges?	I try not to. It wastes my time and energy.
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Thought of the Day

They take pictures of mountain climbers at the top of the mountain.

They’re smiling…ecstatic…triumphant.

They don’t take pictures along the way,

Because who wants to remember the rest of it?

We push ourselves because we have to,

Not because we like it.

The relentless climb…

The pain and anguish of taking it to the next level…

Nobody takes pictures of that.

Nobody wants to remember.

We just want to remember the view from the top.

The breathtaking moment at the edge of the world…

That’s what keeps us climbing,

And it’s worth the pain.

That’s the crazy part.

It’s worth anything.

                         - Meredith Grey (Grey's Anatomy)

The Road Ahead

As most of you may know, I am the president of the teachers' union for our school system. It has been a leadership role that has had its ups and downs. The challenges have been numerous, and often times very intense. I have loved every minute of my time in this role.

Having said that, I struggle with the current situation in education...specifically in our school system.

We are currently facing a $4.5 million shortfall in next year's budget. The administration of our school system has painted a very grim picture of next year's possibilities. I am aware that in larger school systems $4.5 million may not be such a huge chunk of a school system's budget, but in our smaller city system it equates to about 5% of the school systems operating budget.

Even by cutting some of our most expensive programs, we will still be left with a shortfall of over $2.5 million. As anyone in a leadership role will tell you, the most expensive portion of any budget is personnel. As the president of the union, I get a seat at the table when discussing what/who will have to be cut.

Let me put it simply...it does not look good as all!

I was speaking with one of our secretaries today, and she informed me that our principal met with the office staff last week and said she would have to cut on of the secretarial positions for next year. Now there is a fear  and apprehension as they all try to figure out who is being cut. The principal is not talking when asked who is being cut in the office.

I am getting calls or emails every week asking me what I know about the future of our teachers and staff. The truth is...I simply don't know yet. Our administration is not totally sure either. We have asked our city commissioners to increase funding to our school system's operating budget. The sad realization is our city commission does not see the education of our students as top priority anymore. They are more interested in fulfilling their own personal agendas that putting our students first.

For example, our city commissioners voted this year to tear down our current football field (which is off the high school's campus) and to build a new field on the high school campus. The cost for this project...$5 million. Seems the city is taking the money to build the new field from some mysterious fund they have been saving. It is not coming from the school system's operating budget. They have the money to build a stadium, but the city commission declares they don't have the money to increase funding to our school system. The fact is that our commission has not increased funding to our school system in over 5 years. Every other funding source (the state, the county commission, etc.) has increased funding annually to meet the demands of education and our economy. Our city commission, however, doesn't feel the need to increase funding. They continue to demand we make do with what we are given. There is something seriously warped with that.

Despite the decreased funding, our school system ranks #3 in the state when it comes to student performance. That is #3 out of 135 school systems. Our school system's report card consistently shows A's across the board. All of our schools continue to meet the requirements under the federal government's No Child Left Behind Act. Our teachers hold each and every student to the highest of standards. Our middle school is ranked in the top 1% of all schools across the state, and has done so for the past 5 years or more.

Simply put...we have one of the most incredible school systems in the state!

The surprising part of this is that per pupil, we are one of the lowest funded school systems. That's right! We do what we do without the funds. We are innovative! We are driven! We are caring and compassionate! We are the best! Sadly, our city commission doesn't seem to care!

The point I am trying to make with this little rant and rave session is that we are in a desperate situation here!

Our quality of education is in jeopardy. If our commission does not realize the level of desperation we are in, and then choose not to help us out, we will be forced to make some serious personnel cuts.

There is an order to how this will play out. The first people to be cut are teaching assistants and non-essential staff. All of our teaching assistants (except for special education assistants...they are funded differently) will be gone. A number of our secretarial and custodial staffers will be gone. Next to be cut will be those teacher who are non-tenured. The situation is so dire that we have even had discussions of which tenured teachers would be cut if necessary. It is bad!

All of this has led to a great level of uncertainty and fear. As the president of the union, I have been given the task of (1) working with the school board and leadership of our school system to decide the best path to take while minimizing the damage to our quality of education, (2) keep the teachers and staffs informed of what the future holds, and (3) working to ease the minds of our teachers and parents. It is a huge task given to me by our membership, and I will do the best I can.

The simple truth is that no matter what happens with the budget crisis, I know our students and teachers will rise above and beyond as we always have. I have faith in our teachers and our administration. We will make the best of any situation and prove why we are the best!

This crisis is one of the reasons I believe that I have been sent here. I believe that I am needed here, and that is one reason the whole job situation has not worked out as planned.

Yes, I am trying to justify the happenings of the past weeks and months. Ugh!

So what does the future hold for me? Who knows.

All I know is that the road may be long...the road may even be winding...but I will persevere!

You Belong With Me (w/ a Twist)

Was reading blogs today and stumbled across this video.

I needed a good laugh and a smile today.

Quick Update

Thank You

Thank you to each of you sending out your support over the past 24 hours. Words cannot express how much your support has been needed and appreciated. 

To say that it has been easy would be a lie. It has been extremely difficult over the past day. I went to work today and tried not to think about yesterday. I did send out an email to all my friends at work who knew about the job interview. I gave them the information, and then asked them to please not mention any of it to me today. I simply wanted to move on with the day. 

Kids were crazy...they have spring fever. Heck, so do I!

I Need Music

In normal form, I need music today. Below are my choices for the day. 

Got Some Explaining to Do

As you can guess by my previous post, today has not been the best of days. I thought I would take a few minutes to explain what has been happening.

I left Jenny's this morning so I could get home at a decent hour to get some work done at the school. About 20 minutes into my drive home I get a phone call from my friend who sits on the Board of Directors. She proceeded to gently tell me that no one was chosen for the position with the company. They wanted to find someone who had more experience in contract negotiations. There was not much more she could tell me. She said that someone on the Executive Committee should be calling me soon. (No such luck, yet.)

Once I got off the phone, I was driving down the road trying to make sense of why they would waste my time, have me drive 600 miles round trip, and waste an educational day with my kids if they did not plan on filling the position.

I decided to call my Aunt Sue and tell her what had happened. She became angry and had the same questions I did. Then I called my dad to fill him in on the news. He became really upset at what happened. He started to get loud and yell (not at me, of course). I asked him to calm down because I was trying not to get upset. However, he kept yelling and getting angry. I actually had to hang up on my dad to keep myself calmed down.

Well that didn't work. As I was driving down the highway I kept getting angrier. I was yelling in the car, cursing at everything (I am not perfect, world.), and was just shaking. I was extraordinarily ticked off. I felt like I needed to get off the road. I pulled off onto a scenic overlook to try and calm down. That is when I wrote the first post of the day.  I sat in that parking lot for about 25 minutes just trying to calm down.

I drove about another 20 minutes until I crossed the Virginia state line. I pulled into the Welcome Center, used the restroom, and decided to go for a walk around their scenic paths. I had to go for a walk. I was shaking so bad that I needed to do something to get this out of my system. I put on the iPod, turned it to my meditation/calming songs, and began to walk.

Why was I shaking??? I had scared myself just after leaving the scenic overpass.

What happened to scare me so bad?

As I left my first stop of the day, I looked up to the mountain pictured above and had some random thought pop in my head. I actually had the idea of what would it be like to go to the top of that mountain and just jump off. You got it right, I actually had a thought of what it would be like to end life. You have to understand something...I have never ONCE had this kind of thought. I love my life, and I am terrified of death. So, the idea of me having this random thought pop in my head send shivers all through me.

That is why I had to cease and desist the driving. I called my friend, Lynne, to talk to her for a few minutes. She tried to uplift my spirits, but I told her that I couldn't get there. I was having such a hard time trying to to get a grasp on the situation. Further, I was stuck a couple hundred miles from home with no shoulder to cry on. I felt lost, confused, pissed off, and had no where to go.

This is an awful feeling. I don't like it one bit.

Now I am left to wonder what the future hold. I don't know for sure. We will see what happens.

So, there you have it...the description of what transpired today. I am relieved to say I am finally home. My supposed 3 hour trip home turned into a 5 hour trip from H-E-#-#.

I am off to get some work done, and I nap a bit and try to sleep this off.

Later.
- JC

PS...When I got home, I found these wildflowers growing in my front yard. A thing of beauty is a joy. Who knew it would appear on such a horrid day. Can you say IRONY?

What the...

I am actually writing this while pulled into a rest area because I just need to calm down.

I just received a phone call from my friend to let me know that I was not chosen for the job. In fact, no one was!!! That's right, they did not choose anyone. Evidently they need someone with more experience in contract negotiations. Ironically they knew that I only have two years of contract negotiation experience...THEY KNOW THIS!

What the djfjcnff are they wasting my djfjcnfnf time if they know this beforehand? I am in a time crunch to get my students prepared for their state testing and I took another day off for these people just to find out that no one was chosen. I need to scream, kick, hit something, cry, etc.

I seriously had to pull off the road to calm down just so I would not have an accident.

I don't know what to do now. I have put my heart and soul into this organization for the past 4 - 5 years just to get shot down. And since I tend to take things personally, my heart is breaking.

What really sucks is that I am out here on this freaking highway ALONE and don't have a shoulder to cry on, and I really need that today.

Sorry for the downer message. Had to get it off my chest.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone