In Need of Support

Hey folks!

I wanted to take a minute and ask everyone to hop over and check out James' and Evan's blogs. They have hit some really low points and are in great need of our support.

Just send them each a quick note to let them know that life will get better and there is hope.

Thanks!
- JC

The Forgotten...Kerr Smith...Today

I was watching ABC's new show, The Forgotten. It's a pretty good show. If you get a chance, check it out.

Guest starring on tonight's episode was Kerr Smith.

Kerr really rose to fame when he played Jack on Dawson's Creek. I remember my friends and I getting together every week during college to watch Dawson's Creek. Heck, I have episode of Dawson's Creek on DVD. Anyway, I was stuck on this darned show. Kerr's character, Jack came out as gay. I remember the episodes when Jack was forced to read his poem in class. That poem was about a dream he had of a guy. It leads to his classmates questioning his sexuality.

The poem is incredible and expresses so many thoughts I have had, and in some ways still do. Below is the poem.

Today

Today. Today was a day.

The world got smaller, darker.

I grew more afraid.

Not of what I am,

but of what I could be.

I loosen my collar to take a breath.

My eyes fade

And I see...Him.

The image of perfection.

His frame strong.

His lips smooth.

And I keep thinking,

What am I so afraid of?

I wish I could escape the pain,

but these thoughts invade my head.

Bound to my memory,

they're like shackles of guilt.

Oh, God, please set me free.

Free from this prison of isolation,

And let me love.

And let me be.

I will admit that I had a crush of Kerr Smith. I probably still do on some level. However, I feel like I owe him some debt of gratitude for taking on the role and bringing Jack to life. I remember watching Jack struggle throughout the show, and I kept asking my self what am I so afraid of in life?

Below a couple of my favorite scenes from Dawson's Creek...

2 Days...No Sleep!

It has been a very interesting couple of days. As I mentioned in the title of this posting, I have not slept in two days. Yes, I am exhausted.

Yesterday was a pretty good day at work. My students were actually well behaved, which is a far cry from most days. (It is a tough year with some very challenging students.) So I thought that my evening was going to be nice and relaxing...WRONG! I left the school around 5 pm. As I was leaving I got a phone call from another teacher at one of our elementary schools.

Without giving out too many details, in short we received a document that was very questionable in its wording. We are currently negotiating our teaching contract with our school system. Here we are at the end of the first quarter of the school year, and we still do not have a negotiated contract. It is becoming more and more difficult to keep the morale up when we are getting the runaround.

Anyway, once I learned of this questionable contract document I went to meet with this teacher that called. I ended up calling our regional coordinator, and ultimately had to send the document to the state union office. They agreed to look it over and send us an opinion on Tuesday. In the meantime I was sorting through phone calls and emails until some time after 11 pm last night. (The reason I have been getting so many phone calls and emails is that I am the leader of our teacher's union.) Representatives from a number of our schools were calling me and asking for advice on what to tell our members. After I conference called with our executive committee, it was decided that we instruct members to not sign the contract until we get advice back from the legal department.

After all of the excitement, I just could not sleep. I was up all night. I may have gotten about 15 minutes of rest during the night. I hate when that happens.

Well, this fiasco continued through today.  Teachers from across the district were emailing me or coming to my classroom to ask for advice. I have spent the day shelling out all sorts of advice and taking all sorts of concerns/questions.

We are still working out all of the details. Sadly, this type of excitement could have easily been avoided if the powers-that-be (the school system's administration) would simply have communicated what was going on and giving us a heads up. Instead they choose to just spring this document on us and expect us not to question it. It makes them look highly suspicious.

It looks like I am now going to need to meet with our school system's superintendent to discuss our questions, comments, and concerns. I wish the administration knew how low morale has become over the past year or so. They seem oblivious to it. I see it everyday. We are all stressed beyond belief and hardworking overachievers. We work this hard to be one of the top school districts in our state.

All we really want is some appreciation.  A simple "thank you" goes a long, long way.


Moving on...

I am also in the middle of packing up my condo before I move next week. I have found me a pretty nice house (3 bed 1.5 bath) with an unbelievable price. So I have decided to move. The money I will save will be almost $4000 each year. It seems like a no-brainer. More room + less money = A NEW PLACE!

Packing always sucks. I hate having to go through all the "stuff" I have accumulated through the past 4 years. However, it is nice to purge all the junk I don't use. I find that it is more fun to unpack the boxes. It is like opening presents at Christmas. I am excited to move next week. I am also going to love the new amount of privacy I will get. YEAH!



Next topic...

My students have become obsessed with my personal life. They are constantly asking me why I am not married, was I ever married, do I have a girlfriend, etc. This is not surprising to me. My students do this every year.

I have explained to my students that I was almost married once. I was engaged a about 8 or 9 years ago to this awesome girl I met during undergrad. When I met her, which was in US History, the first thing I noticed about her was that she had no hair. You heard me...no hair. She was recovering from ovarian cancer. We instantly hit it off. She became one of my best friends. She would let me copy her homework if I had forgotten it. We would sit in class and crack jokes about what was going on around us. We just had a good time. From there we decided to try dating. We dated for almost 2 years. It was an awesome time in my life. I loved her. For those who will ask, her beautiful red hair grew back after her treatments ended.

We did get engaged, but it did not last. Long story short, she moved to another country to get her doctorate degree. I suck at long distance relationships, so it was doomed. An ocean is just too much of an expanse.

My students are always asking why I am not married. My response is always the same...I am terrified to get married. I explain that in my family every one has gotten a divorce: my parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. My parents' divorce scarred me beyond belief. It took a decade for me to even be able to talk about it. The idea of getting married and possibly getting divorced has always been a great fear.

And when my students ask me why I don't have a girlfriend I have to think quick on my feet. I don't just come out and say "well I don't date women." That would not go over very well given the part of the Bible belt in which I live. I just say that I don't have time to date. That is the honest truth. My life is crammed full of teaching, grading, planning, meetings, etc. I seldom have much downtime for very long.


Well, it seems I have just been rambling for a while now. There really was no definite topic for this posting, but I felt the need to just get some of this out of my system today. Thanks for taking the time to read and listen.

I am off to finish reading "The Meaning of Matthew." I bought this book on Sunday and have not been able to put it down. I will finish it tonight. The best thing I can think to say about this book is WOW! Judy Shepard is very open about her thoughts and feelings on her son, Matthew Shepard, and his murder in Laramie, Wyoming. Check it out.

Hope everyone is doing well. Have a good night.
- JC

Side Note:
Below is a video of Joss Stone singing "Son of a Preacher Man." What a talent!

This is What I Want...

I found this picture online today. I honestly cannot remember where it was that I came across this. Being the nerd I am, I saved it to my computer. Then, in some random act of insanity, I decided to make it my desktop background.

So now I have had this picture on my computer screen for the majority of the day. Every time I walk into my bedroom there it is staring me in the face.

I am not saying that it is a bad picture. On the contrary, this picture has just hit me hard all day long. I realize now that THIS is what I want out of life. I know that I want that kind of passion between me and the man I find (or the one who finds me).

Where do you get passion like that?

In my mind, I see this man comforting the one he loves after some sad news has just been delivered. Maybe it was the death of a parent, a sibling, a best friend, or even a beloved pet...whatever. The point is that the guy in the white shirt is there for the man he loves, and he is going to be there no matter what. Nothing has to be said. Nothing more has to be done. Just being there is all anyone really needs for support.

Okay that was a bit sappy. Maybe I am getting more sentimental as I move through my 30s. I know that I want to love and be loved like that in return. Does that kind of love really exist? Will I ever get to experience that in my lifetime?

Now I am just starting to depress myself, so I will stop here...well, except to say that if you are someone who has this kind of love in you life you better hold on for dear life. You may not know just what you have got until it is gone.

This also reminded me of a song. It is called "Where've You Been," by Kathy Matea. Enjoy!

Goodnight, all!
- JC

Remembering Razz

Today, in torchy's blog, I was reminded that it has now been 6 months since the passing of fellow blogger, Razz.

Unfortunately, I never got the chance to get to know Razz before his death. However once I learned more about him, I decided to read his entire blog. I was, and still am, blown away by his spirit, his zest for life, and his willingness to be open about his life and feelings. What a truly amazing spirit we have lost.

So, in his honor, I am posting a song that Razz had posted a while back. It is one I listen to almost everyday. It is a song the Razz mentioned his boyfriend Jay had performed one night. It seemed to be a very bright and wonderful time in Razz's life. Below that is a motto that Pazz had posted on his blog. I think it sums up what Razz was all about.

I just would like to say thanks to torchy for sharing his friendship with Razz with the rest of the blogging world. We all feel your loss and are thinking about you and Razz's friends/family.

The Meaning of Matthew

This evening I purchased the book "The Meaning of Matthew."

Unless you have been living under a rock over the past 10 years, you should remember that Matthew Shepard is the young man who was brutally beaten, tied to a fence, and left to die in Laramie, Wyoming.

I remember being in my undergraduate years in college and watching all the news programs during the time of Matthew's murder. At that point in time, I was in absolute denial about me being gay. Watching the news over the days and weeks that followed I remember feeling an awful amount of sadness for his family, and I also remember feeling an enormous amount of fear.

The news stations were reporting that Matthew was beaten, which eventually resulted in his death, because he was a gay man. I live in one of the most conservative areas of the United States, so I just couldn't imagine what could happen if people found out I was possibly gay.

I watched the news programs each day to see if Matthew was going to live and recover. My sadness hit a new low when I learned that Matthew had passed away.

In the years since Matthew's death, we have learned more and more about him and also what happened that fateful night in October. There has been the induction of the Matthew Shepard Hate Crimes Bill, Moises Kaufman presented The Laramie Project to the world, Judy Shepard has become a resounding voice for gay rights and protections under the law.

We have also learned some about the life of Matthew Shepard. However, Judy Shepard's book proceeds to give us more insight into Matt's life. She was a fantastic mother to Matt and only wanted what was best for him. She tells us that she knew Matt might be gay before elementary school. Wow! What a very perceptive mother. That perception was instrumental to her relationship with Matt. I long for that kind of relationship with my mother.

I have only read a little more than half the book tonight (Again, I just bought the book about 3 hours ago.)

It is so incredible to be able to finally hear from Judy Shepard. One of her coping mechanisms in dealing with this tragedy is to not show her emotions in public. She has never, from the reports I have heard, seen The Laramie Project. She never wants to be in a situation where she has to deal with those feelings in public.

The book reads like I was sitting down and having a conversation with Judy Shepard about Matt. As soon as I get off of this blog, I am going back to reading it. I might just stay up late enough to finish it. I cannot put it down.

I am thankful for moms like Judy Shepard. I am grateful to her for her unconditional acceptance and love of her son for who he is and was. I am also inspired by her willingness to take this tragedy and use it to transform our world. It is because of people like Judy Shepard that we have hate crime legislation and we are working on other legislation designed to provide all persons with the equal rights and protection under the law.

If you get a chance, check out this book. You will learn so much more about Matt and Judy than you ever thought possible.

Dancing With the Stars

I am going to go ahead and put out my early vote for one of the finalists...Kelly Osbourne.

I know what some people will say. Why would I want to choose the rocker daughter of the "Prince of Darkness." Well, I wasn't sure what we would be treated to when she began. I have to say that I was floored. Watch below:

I was blown away and amazed. Who knew she was going to be one of the best of the night. It was obvious that there was not a dry eye in the room. I particularly like the part where she went running to hug her dad.

I hope that she will be able to continue her success in this competition.

Anyone else have a prediction or an early favorite?

The Patriarch

The more I think about it, I have come to a very terrifying realization...I am being groomed to become the patriarch of my family.

I don't mean that it will happen anytime in the near future, but I can see it happening one day. Currently, my Aunt is the head of the family. So much so that we actually refer to her as "The Warden." She oversees pretty much anything and everything. No one seems to make a move in life without running it by her. I don't want that to come off in a negative way. She is the voice of reason and is always the opinion that counts. She also oversees the financial situations of several family members. She is just there to make sure that everyone is in a good place.

It seems like much of what she does is being passed on to me from time to time. I am now one who helps when it comes to family dinners, I do a lot of the shopping for all the Christmas presents. Members of the family call me for financial advice when banking is concerned. I still file taxes for my dad and my brother. I have to drive two or more hours when they need the computers fixed. Heck, I even have created resumes for my brother and my dad. Did I mention all the applications for employment I filled out for my brother. There is much more, but I will stop here.

One of the reasons that I have moved at least 2 hours or more from my dad is to keep from taking over the role of the patriarch. I want to have a life. I love my family and I want to help take care of them, but I definitely need some independence as well.

Oh well...life will go on! We will have to wait and see what happens!

Take Care,
- JC

Today's Music...

I have stated before that I am a big fan of the music of Scott Alan. His ability to put raw emotion into his musi is amazing. I have never heard anything like it. With that said, below are some of my favorites.

Migraine Update & the Wrath of a Teacher

My migaine has gotten better today. I went to the doctor because my prescription refills had run out, so I had to make a visit just to get them renewed. The question that made me laugh at the doctor today was when he asked if I had any new stress in my life. I think if I would have been drinking milk I would have spit it out my nose from the laughter.

I explained to the doctor that I have a very challenging group of students, the team I am on is added stress, and there is much more. I did not try to go into many details. I think by the amount of laughter he could figure it out.

Anyway, he actually changed my prescription to something called Axert. I took one today and it is clearing my migraine pretty well. I imagine the multi-hour nap helped as well.

I decided to call my teammate after school to see how the day went with our kids. She proceeded to tell me that my substitute was a brand-spanking new sub. Just my luck, I get the newbie. My teammate said that the kids were absolutely awful for my sub. She also said that the sub did nothing to administer discipline/consequences for the kids behavior. I also was told that our kids had to be called down today by the principals during gym.

Let's just say that I am less that amused. My students know that I don't deal well with disrespect. The fact that they acted so atrociously in my absence sends me over the edge. I am glad, however, to know that the principals are finally able to see what kind of group we are dealing with on my team. Maybe they will finally wake up and lend a hand.

Oh, my students don't have a clue to the kind of wrath they will incur when I return to school tomorrow. I don't like to be mad or hateful around the students, but I have to lay down the law. I demand the utmost respect for our substitute teachers when I am not present. My students are going to learn that tomorrow. I imagine that I will be on my soapbox for most of the day tomorrow. There will surely be a good amount of preaching tomorrow. (I refer to this time in my class as "church." Why church??? Because only God can help you at that point!)

I imagine that I will be suspending any outside time for the week as a consequence. I am sure that I will have the student individually write an apology letter to the substitute for their behavior and perhaps one to their parents letting them know what happened. I will not just let this go.

The only problem I have with making the students write the apology letters is that I know that there are a number of students who acted as they were supposed to do. I know each of them. It is not fair to them. I am also certain of the ones who were causing the problems. I have just the right consequences for them. I might even decide to hand down some after school detentions for them.

This is frustrating because I am supposed to be out of town on Thursday and Friday of next week. Now, I don't know that I can trust my students enough to leave them in the care of another substitute. I do know that we have some really great substitute teachers, but I still don't want to have to subject them to this kind of behavior.

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!

I am getting off of here and going to write some quizzes and do some laundry. Maybe I will hit the couch for another nap to keep my migraine from coming back.

Have a great evening everybody!

- JC

Where God Left His Shoes

I am curious to know if anyone has seen this movie?

Personally, I had never even heard of it until I ran across the trailer today.

If you have seen it, let me know what you think. It comes out on DVD on November 3, 2009. I am just wondering to know if it is worth purchasing.

Music of the Moment

Well, I am at home today because of this blasted migraine that I developed late last night. I am off to the doctor in a couple hours to get my prescription refilled. Until then I am just laying on the couch trying to recover.

The best way for me to relax is to just put on some music and shut my eyes. I don't know what it is about music, but it is my drug of choice. A great song is one that I can get lost in...sounds crazy, I know. I have always had this connection with music. I can turn on some good music and go hiking for hours. That is the ultimate relaxation for me.

Okay, so I got off on some random tangent...typical. All I meant to do in this post is to share this song with you. It is Pat Benetar's "We Belong." The guy singing it is Marty Thomas. He does an incredible job with this song. Enjoy!

Gotta Migraine...Gotta Ramble

Preface: I am up at almost 1AM with a migraine that is keeping me from sleeping. So what do I do...I blog!

This is something that has been boiling in my brain for some time now.

Is the fact that I live in small-town America mean that I will be alone for the remainder of my life?

Here is the situation...I live in a small town in the bible belt portion of the southeastern United States. I cannot begin to describe how conservative this town is. To give you some idea, I live in the portion of our state that voted for John McCain over President Obama in a more than 2 to 1 ratio. Yes, I live in one of the most conservative parts of the country.

Second, I am am educator. I teach students all day long. I suppose you could view me as a sort of public figure. Even today, while I was at lunch with my best friend, our hostess at the restaurant was a former student. I am seen just about everywhere I go. There is seldom any place I can go within a 100-mile radius without being seen by someone I know. (That is not an exageration...it is the truth.)

Knowing these two facts, I often wonder if I am ever going to be able to go anywhere, meet any one, etc.

In truth, I am feeling more and more alone each day.

There are not many places that a guy can go to meet other guys. I have even tried the whole online thing, but it is difficult to get to know someone through a profile. I much prefer an up close and personal type meeting.

The hardest part of me dating any guy is that I cannot go out on the town with a date. I am destined ot see someone I know. With today's instantly informed world (facebook, myspace, twitter, etc) if anyone were to see me out with another guy, it may get around within a matter of minutes. You think I am kidding here? I have to say that I have had students put me on the prayer list before so that God would find me a girlfriend. (Hey, what my kids don't know can hurt them...)

My fear is being seen, someone putting two-and-two together, then me being outed to the parents of my students. I am always afraid that if that were to happen, parents would start to pull their kids from my classes. It is not right, but it would most certainly happen around here.

So, for now, I choose to live my life without dating or even trying to date at this point. I don't know how I will be able to meet a guy while living in this small town.

I have dreams of moving to a larger city. I need some place that is less conservative, a larger population, and a place to meet a guy. I have dreams of settling down and raising a family. Yes, I want kids despite the fact that I have 70 kids each day. I have always wanted to be a father.

What am I to do? Do I uproot myself and move? Do I just figure out how to date while in my area? How do I go about meeting a guy in this small town? Can I make it work?

So many questions and definitely not enough answers.

Feel free to lend your 2 cents!

Thanks for listening to my ramblings.
Good night.
- JC

PS...WHERE IS MY MIGRAINE MEDICINE.

Cirque du Freak : The Vampire's Assistant

I have seen the trailer for this movie a couple of times in recent weeks. It looks somewhat crazy, but I think it will be a good movie. I cannot wait to see it.

Grey's Anatomy Season Opener

I ADMIT IT...I AM ADDICTED TO GREY'S ANATOMY!

Now that I have gotten that out of the way. I am chomping at the bit to see the season 6 opener, which arrives on Thursday, September 24, 2009, at 9PM. Who will live, and who will die?

Does anyone else share my excitement? What is your opinion of who will survive and who will not?

The two videos below show the last five minutes of the season 5 finale and the other is the first 5 minutes of the season 6 opener.

Concern for a Good Friend

I don't normally do things like this, but I felt the need to do it. So, here we go.

My good friend, Mike, over at Random Thoughts in My Life, has been having a very rough time this weekend. I am asking you to do 2 things:

(1)   Go over to his site and leave him some words of support.
(2)   Keep him in your thoughts and/or prayers.

Keep your head up, Mikey! Life will get better!

Good Music and Good Friends

This weekend I was paid a visit by my best friend, J. She called me on Friday night and told me she wanted to come into town. Who am I do deny a visit by someone who I don't get to see very often? So, I told her to come on in for the weekend, then I made a mad scurry to get my house cleaned and presentable.

On Saturday we drove to Bristol  for the 9th annual Rhythm and Roots music festival. We had an awesome time. We paid $25 to get into the festival. We saw a number of bands (about 10 - 15 of them) during the festival. The music ranged in variety. We got to see some truly awesome bands. My favorite bands for the night were the university's bluegrass band, Blue Mother Tupelo and the John Cowan Band. Below are a couple of videos featuring these bands:

But the highlight of the night was getting to listen to the incredible Patty Loveless perform. I have been a fan of Patty Loveless for many years, and for her to be at the Rhythm and Roots Festival was icing on the cake. She was supposed to sing from 9:00 - 10:15, but the last time I looked at my watch it was 10:45. Let's just say that it was well worth the wait. She did a fantastic job.

All in all, it was a fantastic time. I am glad that J was able to come in for the weekend.

There is nothing better that good music and great friends!

Adam's Rib

Last week I was at Target. (Consequently, I am there at least once a week.) While there I decided to browse through the DVD section. I was surprised when I got into the classics section. I ended up purchasing a 4-pack DVD set of Katherine Hepburn movies. I was intrigued.

I became interested in Katherine Hepburn movies after I read her autobiography, "Me." She was most definitely a character, and certainly a talented actress. So I decided to take the DVD and took it home.

The first of the movies I watched was called "Adam's Rib." It stars Katerine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy. Beyond they legendary romance, I think they have an incredible on-screen chemistry.

"Adam's Rib" starts with an attempted murder. Tracy is chosen as the district attorney to prosecute the wife accused of trying to kill her husband. Hepburn decides to become council for the defense. What ensues is a hilarious battle between Tracy and Hepburn.

If you get a chance, you should check it out. It is a great comedy.

For another awesome Hepburn/Tracy film, you should check out "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner."

Unravel - Swingle Singers

What's Going On With Me?

Let me just preface this by saying that it was an AWFUL day at work today. As I sat down at my desk today, during my planning period, this is what I was feeling at the time.

I am miserably alone…

There is just no better way to say it than that!

I find that I dread coming to school more and more each day. It really is driving me up the wall. My stress level is high again, and I don’t know if it can be stopped anytime soon.

My teammates don’t seem to really want to accept me. Ironically one of the members of my team is someone I consider to be a best friend. I just don’t feel like a full-fledged member of the team. Granted we are three type-A personalities and like things just so. Coming into a team that has everything already set up the way they wanted it has taken some adjustment for me.

There are days where I feel like I am treated as one of the students more than one of the team. Okay, if I have screwed up, I will accept that and change it. I don’t need to be made to feel like I am below my teammates, but that is exactly how I feel.

I don’t really want to go into anymore than that. Suffice to say, I am just very unhappy at the moment. I don’t know what to do. I love where I work, I love the kids, and I even love my coworkers. I just wish they would accept me into the fold.

Once again, I am the black sheep.

Wild Horses - Susan Boyle

Kissing, being gay, etc.

I am a huge fan of the movie "Shelter." I think the reason I have loved it so much is that many of the inner battles that Zach (Trevor Wright) is going through are basically the same ones I have faced over the years. It took me a decade (that's right...10 years) to finally get to a point where I accepted that I was gay. It took me that long to decide who I was and that I was okay with who I am. It was only last summer that I came out to anyone. It has been a life-altering experience to say the least.

The reason for the above scene from Shelter is the kissing. I miss the intimacy of kissing someone. I was dating a guy over the summer, and we definitely loved to kiss. I don't know what it is about kissing, but it stirs a flurry of emotions. Nothing more to say about that except I MISS BEING KISSED!

It should come as no surprise to say this next statement...COMING OUT IS HARD! I have slowly been coming out to friends over the past year or so. I came out to my aunt last summer as well. She has been nothing but supportive.

The next person I want to tell is my dad. I know he suspects the fact that I might be gay. He has asked me once or twice before and I have categorically denied it. At that time I had not even come to terms with it myself. Now that I know who I am, I think it is time to tell him. However, I just never seem to have the strength to do it.

I was walking with my aunt (my dad's younger sister) about wanting to tell him. She asked me the strangest question, "Why?" She was asking me why I wanted to tell him. I was shocked by the question. I could not tell if she meant why did I feel the need to tell him or why did I need to tell him now. I am sure she meant why did I feel the need to tell him. It just seemed like a random question. Given she probably has no understanding as to why it is important for me to tell my dad, but I did not appreciate the question either. I was looking for support. Knowing my aunt only wants what is best, I know she did not mean it negatively, however I don't think she understands why I need to tell my dad.

My dad is the closest person in my family that I connect with. I have always said that if I were to ever get married, he would be my best man. My dad is an incredible individual who only wants what is best for his kids. I know he wants the same for me. The man would do almost anything for any of his kids. The fact that my dad has asked me about being gay before means he wants to know. He can tell that I purposely hide a side of my life from him. He only wants me to be happy. He has even gone so far before as to say that if I were gay that he would still love me as he has always loved me. I believe him 100%. He would not lie to me about something like that.

So I am left in a conundrum...do I just go ahead and tell my dad I am gay? When is the best time to do that? Can/should I do it over the phone? Should I wait until I see him again in person (which could be months)? What am I to do???

ADVICE IS APPRECIATED!!!

I was talking with a good friend the other day about feeling alone. He was feeling very disconnected from his friends. He seemed to feel like there was nowhere and noone to talk to. This friend of mine is a fellow blogger who shall remain nameless. (You know who you are.) He is feeling overwhelmed with the stress of work and school.

I know where he is coming from. I have some of those same feelings from time to time. There is a difference between being alone and feeling alone. Some people prefer to be alone. However, the feeling of being along can suck. That is also my current situation. I feel as though I am married to my career. I have alienated my friends and family. I get to work at 5 AM and will work most days until after 5 PM. I will come home, take a nap, run to the gym for a workout, come back home, have dinner, and work on getting ready for tomorrow.

My best friends no longer live in the town I am in now. This is where we all went to college, but the majority of them moved out of area and out of state. I miss just being able to meet up with friends for a coffee (which I don't drink), a movie, dinner, or whatever. Heck, even miniature golf was interesting.

I know that I won't always just be me and my job, but I feel as though I am missing out on my life. Why do I do this to myself? I purposely keep myself super-busy just so I won't have to deal with being alone.

Also, part of the problem is that I live in a pretty small town. It is hard to be openly gay in this area, especially with my chosen career as an educator. I cannot really go out on a date in my town without someone seeing me and starting rumors. With have one gay night club in town, and I am scared to go in there for fear of someone seeing my car there and knowing or thinking something.

I am dying to get out there and date. I am dying to meet other gay people in my community who know what I am going through. Heck, I just need to make me some new friends all across the board.

To my friend...you know I will be here for you when you need someone to talk to about anything. We may be on opposite sides of the country, but that doesn't mean we can't keep in close contact. I AM HERE FOR YOU!

I think I have rambled on enough this evening. Thanks for checking in and checking up on me.

Take Care,

- JC

Welcome to My New Home

Well, if you have found this, then you have no doubt noticed my new home. There are a number of reasons why I decided to move to this location and out of wordpress. Nothing really against wordpress, but I felt the need to move.

So, I begin anew.