True Colors

Let me start this blog by saying that I had one of my hardest and scariest days yesterday. I hit some sort of funk that I really have a hard time explaining. What made it so bad is that I was actually at a point last night where I was sitting at my desk and my entire body was just shaking. I don't know what was going on with that. All I can say is that it was a low point. I cannot remember feeling that sad in quite a long time...we are talking years ago. 


I want to say THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU to each of you who sent me messages, emails, or just had me in your thoughts yesterday. Your support is something I still have a hard time realizing is out there. 


I have always been the type of person who does not let others in to his emotional psyche, especially when those emotions are in such a dark place. Historically, I have chosen to keep it in as not to burden others around me. On some level I have always thought that if I showed myself being sad or depressed that I would be showing a weaker side of me. I know some of you are going to chew me out for that. I have always been very loyal to my friends. I am accustomed to being the friend that everyone comes to when they need to talk about their problems. It makes me feel wonderful to know that I can be there for them to help by just listening or helping to find a solution/advice. I will be there for any of my friends...without fail! 


On the flip side of this discussion, I have always found it difficult to vent or discuss my issues with my friends. In my mind I am burdening them with my problems. I never feel burdened when my friends come to me, so why do I always feel like I burden them with my problems? There is a quandary there. My wonderful, and very wise friend Lynne made the statement to me today that really made me think about this. She said that, in some way, I was unconsciously devaluing my friends' opinions and demonstrating a lack of trust in them. WOW! I had never thought of it that way before. 


The more I thought about that idea this afternoon the more I understand what she is saying, but that is not the case. In my opinion it is that I don't trust myself. (Paging Dr. Freud!) Yes, I have always suffered from those types of self-esteem issues that sometimes have hindered me from taking some risks in life. 


Okay, so where I am I going to go with this newfound idea? 


First, I am going to apologize to each of you for not putting my faith and trust in you. Please know that it is not intentional. I have to trust myself first, and I am working on that! 


Second, I will make you a promise that I will make every effort to get in touch with my friends when I need support. I am making the pledge to allow myself to show my flaws and to ask for help. 


On that note, I need to send a special THANK YOU to Mikeal and Mandi for getting me to talk last night. You truly have no idea how much I needed someone to talk to, and the two of you swooped in at just the right moment. (It is further proof that God puts you where you are needed at the right time.) I am honored to call you my friends!

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Today was the first day back to work since last Tuesday. (I love the Thanksgiving holiday!) I knew that going back to school would be a challenge because I got no planning done this past week. However, I also knew that seeing my students would help get me out of this funk I have been in the past two days .

I was right. Just being around and interacting with my students brought me out of the funk. I had a blast today. My students are so forgiving of their teachers. They want nothing more than to be around you and to talk with you. Students needs are basic...trust and love. When they have those two things from their teachers their faces light up. Their personalities come out. They are happy. 

I suppose I am like my kids. I need the same things...trust and love. I love and trust my students. I love getting to watch them discover the world around them. I love the fact that I will make a difference in their lives. I love that they want to know more about me and to be around me. I do trust my students to do their absolute best in life. I trust them enough to let them into my life on some levels. They know about my crazy family, some choices I have made in life, my flaws, etc. The know I am not perfect. I trust them enough to let them know it, too. 

It is because of this type of connection we have with each other that I know they will be able to help pull me though the funk. The soared today. From the moment the day began I knew what I was in for with them. The first student into my classroom this morning came to give me a hug and say good morning (nothing more, nothing less). All I could do was smile. Every student I passed in the hallway said "good morning" or "hey." Without knowing it, they were helping raise my spirits. In homebase my students and I were kidding around and catching up on what happened during the break. There was a good amount of laughter before classes officially began. As the first block actually began I was smiling, hyper, crazy...the old me! 

I don't know what it is, but working with these incredible kids is all I ever need to be happy! It is a natural high that you really cannot get anywhere. If it could be bottled up, I would make a fortune selling it on the market. 

Now I find myself looking forward to the rest of the school week. What will happen tomorrow? What new challenges will present themselves? I feel somewhat invincible! It's TEACHER PRIDE! I love it.

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On my way to work, and on my way home today, a song was playing in my car that really summed up everything I was feeling and was needing to hear. 

Okay, I posted two different versions. I actually have both on my iPod, but the only playing today was the version from Glee. (I know, I am such a gLeek.) 

I know this song so well because I play both versions frequently. However, I did not personally take in the true meaning until today. 

You with the sad eyes
don't be discouraged
oh I realize
it's hard to take courage
in a world full of people
you can lose sight of it all
and the darkness inside you
can make you fell so small

But I see your true colors
shining through
I see your true colors
and that's why I love you
so don't be afraid to let them show
your true colors
true colors are beautiful
like a rainbow

Show me a smile then
don't be unhappy, can't remember
when I last saw you laughing
if this world makes you crazy
and you've taken all you can bear
you call me up
because you know I'll be there

And I'll see your true colors
shining through
I see your true colors
and that's why I love you
so don't be afraid to let them show
your true colors
true colors are beautiful
like a rainbow 

The first verse is me. When I feel down or depressed, I often times discourage myself from getting out in the world. So many times I will lock myself into seclusion. Typically that is me just sitting in my house not doing anything for the entire day. I feel like Emily Dickinson...a recluse!  

You, my friends, are the ones who know the real me. I am NOT that recluse. I am usually very hyper and full of life. I am the loving and loyal friend you have always known. However, you also know that I have my dark moments in life too. You know I am not perfect, and neither is my life. You know all sides of me. 

The second verse was me a few years ago. For so many years I chose to ignore the feelings I was having, and I hid them from everyone including myself. I was in denial. I was not truly happy! Since I accepted who I am my friends have often pointed out that I smile more and seem much happier that I have ever been in my life. I still have my days (you saw them this weekend), but I will still tell you that every day is getting better in so many ways. 

For me, like many songs I listen to, the message of this song is clear. I need to allow my friends to be in my life completely...in the good, the bad, and the ugly. I need to allow myself to trust you when you tell me that going to you for help/advice is not being a burden. I need to call, email, video chat, or talk to you face to face. 

So here is my start.

What are the true colors of JC?

-  I am an over-achieving workaholic. 

- When my OCD kicks in, I have to clean or rearrange furniture. 

- I have commitment fears due to all the failed relationships in my family. (Divorce is norm in my family.)

- Among my friends, I am usually the "father figure." I will look out for you.

- I am obsessed with music. It is my escape. 

- I like to be in control of the situation. It is for this reason I hate to ride in a car. I like to be the driver. 

- I can be an adrenaline junkie. Roller coasters, bungee jumping, etc. My next goal is SKY DIVING. 

- My favorite colors are blue, yellow, and even pink. 

  (Ask my students about my variety of pink shirts. Hey, real men wear pink!)

- I typically cannot cry. I have not really cried since 2005. 

- I am tired of not living my life as the "real me."

- I am gay. There, I said it.  

- I love to travel.

- I have never tried smoking. (Thanks Dad!) 

- I have never tried any drugs. (Thanks Again Dad!)

- My favorite genre of movies is dramas or the classic movies. 

- I enjoy reading biographies and autobiographies.

- I have a subscription to People magazine and the Advocate 

- I am a registered member of the Human Rights Campaign

- I LOVE politics

- I am a conservative Democrat (I know, it's an oxymoron)

- I am a reformed Southern Baptist

- I have an addiction to flip-flops and sandals. 

- I hate having my toes confined (see above)

- I am shy, at first, in most social situations. It doesn't take long for me to warm up to everyone. 

- I am a big flirt. 

- I love random road trips.

- Brothers and Sisters is the best show on Sundays. 

- I am a true gLeek. 

- I dream of performing on the theatre stage (plays or musicals)

- I have a rubber duck collection. At last count...almost 100 of them. Don't know why!

- I love country, pop, contemporary christian, gospel, opera, and choral music

- I like to be involved in everything. 

- I am addicted to Indian and Italian style foods

- I don't like most vegetables. (Only like green beans, potatoes, corn, and sometimes spinach.)

- I am addicted to fruit (all types of berries, grapes, citrus fruit, apples, etc, canteloupe, bananas, etc.)

- I tried to be a vegetarian once, but see previous statements to figure out why I lasted one week

- Family is important to me, even if they do drive me crazy. I love them all.

- I love working with youth. DUH!

- I am addicted to Broadway shows

- My favorite musical is RENT

- My favorite play is Death of a Salesman

- If I could have chosen a different career, I would have been a pediatric oncologist

- I suck at opening up to people, but I am working on it

- I believe friendships should be for life, not just the here and now

- Only one person (well, besides God) in my life knows everything about me. That is Dr. J!

- I have NO artistic ability. I can't draw, write stories or poetry, etc. 

- I love mathematics. 

- I used to be very quiet. That all changed during college. 

- I dream of settling down one day and having a family. 

- I have one tattoo. Have had thoughts of getting another one, but I doubt it. 

- I once applied to be on the Real World (MTV) 

- I dream of going back to St. John, USVI

- Again, I promise to get a hold of my friends when I am feeling down. I won't hold it in! 

Wow, this post turned out to be so much longer than I had originally planned. I suppose I had a lot to get out. Thanks to those of you who made it all the way through this. I am not promising that today is a new day. Today is just me waking up a bit more and becoming an adult. This is me just saying THANK YOU for your friendship, your love, and your support.

I will be there for you as so many of you have promised to be there for me. 

Nothing but love.

- JC

Still...

Still in this slump today. Don't know how to explain it. Just feel like locking myself up in my house for the rest of the night (while I am also screaming to get out too).

Sad thing is I am unable to physically cry. I wish I could. It would be a great release.

That's all. Maybe more tomorrow.
- JC

What the Heck is a Travel Tree?

I guess in the haste of writing my last posting I mentioned my Travel Tree. Evidently I forgot to explain what it was. Simply put, the Travel Tree has a collection of ornaments from my travels. I had thought about having my friends pick up ornaments when they travel, but then it wouldn't be as personal or exclusively mine. Each ornament helps me hold on to certain memories from each trip. (I know it is a bit corny and somewhat sappy, but that's me in a nutshell.)

This is a picture of the tree in progress. I decided to put it in the center of my dining room. Since I only recently moved into this house, I don't have a dining room table yet. Plus, this placement allows everyone to view both of my trees from the living room and those passing by my house. Like I said, it was a work in progress at the point of this picture. See below for some of the ornaments on my Travel Tree...

This is from my travels to a wedding in St. John, US Virgin Islands, back in 2006. It is hand-painted and inside the glass ball is some sand and small shells from the island. As I said, one of my best friends got married on the beaches of St. John. I equate St. John to being Heaven on Earth. Such peace and unmatched beauty.

This ornament is from the White House collection that I picked up during one of my trips to DC.

This ornament came from the Biltmore Estate, in Asheville, NC. It is supposed to be a replica of the ornaments used by the Vanderbilt family in 1895. I got this one while touring the house one night during the Candlelight Tours. What an incredible experience to see the house lit by candlelight and all the fireplaces lit. Plus there were instrumentalists and vocalists throughout the house playing/singing holiday music. If you ever get the chance to take the Candlelight Tour, you will not be sorry.

This is another ornament from the Biltmore Estate. We go about once each year. It truly is a sight to behold.

This ornament I picked up in 2002 while visiting New York City. I believe it speaks for itself. If I haven't told you about my experience at Ground Zero during this trip just ask. It left us all in tears.

I picked up this ornament while visiting London in 2006. I bought it at a museum shop at the Tower of London. It is the crest of the Royal Family. I loved London and cannot wait to get back there for a visit.  There are so many memories from this trip. We took 37 high schoolers to England, France, Monaco, and Italy for 3 weeks. My favorite memory from this trip is visiting the Vatican. There is nothing like it. Made me want to be a Catholic...

This ornament is from Harvard University, in Cambridge, Mass. I was there back in 2004 attending the Intercollegiate Men's Choruses national conference. I was the assistant to the Choral Director of our university at the time. I held that position during my graduate work. Truly two of the best years of my life. Everyday was filled with music (men's chorus, women's chorus, The Chorale, etc.), and believe me when I say it was truly some of the best music ever sung by this awesome group.  Best memory from this trip was hearing Miami University (Ohio) Men's Glee Club perform a song titled Ramkali. It was adapted for voices by their director who spent a year in India learning the musical heritage. (See the end of this page for a performance of it. It is incredible.)

I got this ornament during a trip to Philadelphia, PA. I was attending the National Middle School Association's annual conference. I actually picked up two of these. I have one and my mother has the other one. Yep, I am a sap. The best memory from this trip was when one of our principals took us all (7 of us) to go see "Menopause, the Musical." I laughed so hard I thought would pee my pants. My cheeks hurt after that show from laughing so hard.

This ornament is from Charleston, SC. We visited Charleston this past summer. It is steeped in history and beauty. I most enjoyed taking the carriage tour of Old Charleston. The girl who led our tour was extremely knowledgeable and was never dull. I learned so much about Charleston's history, especially during the Revolutionary War. I cannot wait to go back and visit some more.

So there is a brief introduction to my Travel Tree. It is certainly a tree that contains some of my most favorite memories of my life thus far.

I will say that on my traditional tree in the living room I have ornaments that have different memories. It contains ornaments some of my students have given me (one of which I discovered got shattered during the move. It broke my heart because it came from my all-time favorite student and his mother). Most importantly it contains some of the ornaments from my childhood that I confiscated when I went home last year. The oldest ornament on my living room tree is a red glass bulb that belonged to my great-grandparents. When my great-grandmother passed away in 1982 my great-grandfather gave each of his grandchildren (about 30 of them...my dad included) an ornament from his Christmas tree decorations.

With that, I am going to sign off. I hope everyone is having a great day. (Yes, I am over yesterday's slump... life has to go on.)

As promised earlier, below is Miami University Men's Glee Club singing Ramkali. Keep in mind that everything here is A Capella.

Cannot Think of a Title for This...So, Here It Is

Today has been an insane day. I got up late (as in 9 AM...believe me when I say that is late.) I got a shower, got dressed, and then got busy with house chores. 

- Changed the sheets on all the beds. I live alone...why did I change all the sheets? 

- Cleaned the kitchen and the bathroom.

- Rearranged furniture in the living room to make room for the Christmas Tree

- Ran some laundry

- Ran to check the mail

- Checked some email

**Took a short break**

Then it was time to finally focus on getting my Christmas trees up. Yep, I mentioned the plural TREES. I have 4 trees in storage, but I was in no way going to put all of them up. I decided that I would put up two of them: the 7 1/2 foot slim pre-lit tree and my 6 1/2 white tree (known as my "Travel Tree").

I assembled the 7 1/2 foot tree first since it was going in the living room. It is a pre-lit tree, but it takes a considerable amount of time to arrange all 800+ limbs. Finally get it to look right and then plugged it into the wall. To my shock and dismay the entire midsection of  the tree was not lit. I went limb by limb trying to find the problem, but to no avail. So, I had to regroup. Luckily I have another 7 1/2 foot tree, but it is a full sized width...much bigger. It takes longer to put together, but it does completely light up. Actually I like this tree so much better.

I got the ornaments put on the big living room tree and decided to move on to my white tree. When I opened the box, I discovered that the tree was no longer pure white. It is now a darker cream color. I didn't know what to think, but I decided to go ahead and put it up in my dining room. I have 600 blue lights on white wire to put on this tree. Imagine my disgust when 300 of the lights do not work. I knew I had another 400 of them somewhere in the house, but I could not find them. I was left with the task of going out to find these lights. 

Now, finding blue lights on a white wire is harder than one might think. I ended up at Lowes, Target, and Wal-Mart trying to track them down. I finally found them at Wal-Mart. (Ugh!) While I was there I saw a white tree that caught my eye. I ended up buying a new white tree that was, well, WHITE. 

I got home and dismantled the old white tree and the 600 lights I had put on it. I then had to put up this new tree. It took a while. Evidently the new trees have many more branches to arrange, and I mean a lot! Finally got the tree up and decorated. 

In all, I assembled 4 trees throughout the day, dismantled 2, put on 1200 lights on trees, and decorated 2 of them. It took 6 hours from the time I began dealing with the trees today. Good grief! But, I am happy with the results. (Will post pics soon.)

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As I have mentioned before, the way I deal with my emotions is to keep myself so busy that I ignore the emotion in hopes of it subsiding. Hey, old habits die hard! Today was no exception. I spent countless hours today cleaning house, moving furniture, re-alphabetizing my DVD collection (OCD, remember?), and putting up trees. All in all, I was able to avoid my emotions today. 

Now that I have settled down for the night, I find these emotions stirring back up. There is a sadness today I am feeling out of sheer loneliness. I love the fact that I live alone. It definitely has its perks. At the same time, I find myself more and more wishing I had someone to share this 3 bedroom house with at this point in life. 

I was hoping to catch a friend online today to talk, but we constantly seem to miss each other on here. Yes I completely understand that we all lead busy lives, so I am not complaining about that. I just really needed someone to talk to that can identify with this loneliness. Heck, I would just accept being able to talk to help just get over these feelings tonight. 

I love my family, but I cannot talk to them about this. I can't talk to them about how I want to have a relationship and share my life. In fact, I don't really discuss any of this with the fam. They think I am doing just fine, and I am most of the time. 

Now, more than ever, I am ready to get out of this town for good. There really is not much for me here anymore. I have no family here (and I am grateful for that fact). All of my true and closest friends live away from here now. I am somewhere that finds me hiding a portion of my life because I fear intolerance and the repercussions it could bring. 

I want to move somewhere that I can start anew. Live my life as who I really am. I want to start anew so I no longer have to hide. 

I am continually praying for such a change. I pray that the job I have applied for will pan out. I will hear about an interview in about two weeks. The board will vote on a candidate during the first two weeks of January. If all works out, I will be out of here by February. This is the hope I am needing right now to sustain me. 

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I think I will stop here. I don't know where I was going with all of this. I just needed to get that off my chest. 

Perhaps I will hit up a friend to talk about what's been going on in life. 

Hope everyone is doing well. 

- JC

Jason's Exit Strategy...Check It Out

Yeah, I know I am posting several times today. It's been a slow and relaxing day.

Anyway, I want everyone to hop over to Carwin's Closet and read Jason's post titled "Exit Strategy from the Closet." You will be inspired.

Jason is a 17 year old high school senior in the process of coming out to his family, twin brother, all his friends, and ultimately to his school. He possesses so much maturity and wisdom for such a young age. I am just enamored by his strength, courage, and convictions. He is an inspiration to many...including myself.

Best of luck, Jason! We are all standing behind you!

A Little Holiday Cheer

So I have decided to kick off the holiday season with a little music.

Below are some videos and songs from Straight No Chaser. I will be the first to admit that I am addicted to their style of music. What's even more amazing is it's all acapella.

Enjoy!

 

I am Proud to Know Him

Hey, it's the day after Thanksgiving, but I have something new to be thankful for in life.

Today I got the chance to talk with my cousin, Paul. That may not sound like anything spectacular, but believe me when I say that it is rare. Paul is currently serving his second tour of duty in Iraq as a member of the United States Army. I have not seen or really talked with him since some time last year. So getting to talk to him online was an unexpected treat.

Paul and I are only a month apart. I have the advantage of being the older one. I get to be the boss in the family. Right....Paul and I have always been close. We grew up together. I remember going to my first day of kindergarten. In the car behind me was my aunt, uncle, and Paul. We ended up in the same class that year. It was always the two of us growing up. He always seemed like more of a brother to me than a cousin. He was more of a brother than my real brother was at the time.

When we graduated high school, I chose college and Paul chose the Army. I remember some of us taking a road trip to see Paul at the base he was stationed at new Baltimore, Maryland. We had an awesome time touring Washington DC. There were the times we were on Club Dance. Those were the days.

Now Paul is married with 4 kids. While he is serving his second tour in Iraq, his family is stationed at Fort Hood, in TX. They are far from our home in Tennessee.

I am proud to know someone like Paul...someone who is willing to risk his life for his country. He has given so much of his time and life for the United States. He has sacrificed being with his family when called to serve. He has missed the first two years of his new daughter's life. (Well, most of it.)

Now he is sitting in the cold desert and counting down the days until he comes home. His tour is over in January, and he should be back in the USA by the second week of the new year. I know there is going to be a huge celebration when he makes it back home.

So my only purpose for writing this post is to publicly thank him for his many sacrifices and the work he has been doing.

Love ya, cuz!

- JC

Further Proof to Suggest I Must Have Been Adopted

Before I officially begin this post, let me just say that I truly love my family. They have always been there for me and me for them. We have always been a close-knit group. This post is meant as something comical and off-the-wall...well, at least a bit of it!

Today, being Thanksgiving, has been a very busy day. 

I got up this morning and drove to my aunt's home for our family's Thanksgiving dinner. This has been our tradition for as long as I can remember. It ended up being my aunt and uncle, my dad, me, my brother, and my other uncle. This is probably the smallest group that has ever met for Thanksgiving in our family. We have, easily, had three times as many people there before.

My cousin, Paul, is serving in Iraq and his family is stationed in Texas. My other cousin and her kids spent Thanksgiving dinner with their grandmother. So, we were definitely a small group. 

I always love getting to sit down to a dinner with the family. It is an occurrence that is so rare that it makes each dinner together that much more special. 

Once the dinner was finished being prepared, we sat down at the table to say our traditional blessing.  (Let me apologize now if anyone gets offended.) This blessing is one that my grandmother would say at the beginning of every family meal. Since my grandmother's death almost 5 years ago, we say it in honor and rememberance of her.

"Bless the meat, bless the skin, open the mouth and cram 'er in."

Remember, I come from a very deep-south family. This blessing is rather appropriate and representative of my family.

As we began eating, I soon realized that every time we sit down to dinner I discover further proof that I must have been adopted.

For starters, I am nothing like anyone else in my family. I am not a redneck (yes, we have self-proclaimed rednecks in my family). I am not a car mechanic. I know the difference between "far" and "fire" or "tar" and "tire." I graduated high school. Oh, should I go on...

I realize quickly that I am the "black sheep" of my family. Someone recently referred to me as the "white sheep" of the family. I don't see much difference. Anyway, I often relish in the fact that I am different from them. I love them, but I can only take my family in little spurts.

What really took the cake today was the table discussion of passing gas (in its many forms). The discussion continued with recalling how other members of our family relish in their ability to pass gas in whatever form. Then there was a discussion of the lethalness of the gas passed through the years. It was enough to make me stop eating. I actually got so sick that I could not eat the remainder of my dinner. Although, I did recover in time for a bit of dessert.

During the table discussion, I just sat back thinking "I have to have been adopted." I could not see how I was a biological member of this family because I have nothing in common with them nor did I enjoy the table discussion.

In the past, I had a number of times when I dreamt of my life as a part of another family. I would swear to anyone that I was absolutely adopted. I imagined what my parents looked like, what the did for a living, the possibility of other siblings, etc.

Okay, I know I am not adopted. I look a lot like my mother and my father. It is clear! I just sometimes wish I was, so I would have an excuse as to why I am so different.

In other news, I went to the movies after leaving my aunt's house. I ended up seeing New Moon at the new 18-screen theater. I loved  the theater and I loved the movie. It was definitely better than the first one. Although, I don't care for cliffhangers when it is in a movie. It takes too long to wait for the movie to pick back up where the previous left off.

Finally got home after the movie. Started putting up my Christmas trees. (Yes, plural. I have 3 - 5 to put up. I will only put up 3 this year, I think!) I didn't make it past the first tree. It is a 7 1/2 pre-lit tree. For some reason, two of the strands of lights is not working. I am having to go branch by branch to see what is not plugged in or what else could be wrong. It is my newest tree too. It frustrated me to the point that I just stopped and laid down on the couch.

I have NO plans to hit the stores tomorrow morning for Black Friday. I will be doing my shopping from the comfort of my home. That's right...I am shopping online. There are some really terrific deals on the net. Why go through the hassle of running through the store and getting pushed around when I can get the same (or better) deals online? If I do it just right, I might get all of my Christmas shopping done tomorrow.

Finally, I wanted to just say thanks again to everyone I have met during this past year. Your friendships mean more than I could ever say. I hope to continue paying it forward.

Take care all!

- JC

Yes, those were tears...

I am going to hate to admit this...

Tonight I was watching Glee (no, that is not the confession). This episode had some phenominal scenes in it. Since it is too early to get the videos from youtube or anywhere else, I am going to post the songs.

The first song is Imagine. It was originally sung by John Lennon. I have loved this song for years. In this episode of Glee, the Glee kids were watching a group from a school of the deaf perform this song in sign language. Moved by the simplicity of the performance (sign language and one of the deaf kids speaking the lyrics) Mercedes breaks out into song and joins the group. The rest of the Glee kids followed. It led to one of the most incredible moments of the season. I actually had tears in my eyes. In a word...POWERFUL!

The last scene tonight was of the entire Glee club sitting on stools (no theatrics or choreography) singing "True Colors," made famous by Cyndi Lauper. It is another of my favorite songs of all time. What I loved most is that the lead singer in this version was Tina. She has very low self-confidence in the show, and we rarely get to see her shine in song. This was all her. Again, I got tears in my eyes.

I am such a sap!

The Muppets : Bohemian Rhapsody

I have loved the Muppets since I was a little kid. A friend of mine sent this to me, and I wanted to share it!

Are there any other Muppet fans out there?

Remember Me

What Great Aggression Therapy We Had Today

Today has been very chaotic. Being the last day before Thanksgiving break, I cannot tell you how crazy the kids were today. We had to keep them as busy as we possibly could just to keep the kids in trouble. I never really knew the true meaning of the saying "Idle hands are the devils workshop."

For the last two hours of the day, our students took part of the school-wide reward party. They are rewarded for the selling that took place duing fundraiser earlier in the school year. Teachers are sent to supervise the event. The students are playing around on these inflatable slides, bungee racing, obstacle courses, etc. There is also a DJ and some dancing going on too. Fortunately, I did not have time to go dance and show up the kids.

The majority of my time was spent in the boxing and jousting rings! Below are examples of what we did.

I started off in the boxing ring. We went bouncing around the ring throwing "punches." To be totally honest, sometimes the gloves were as big as the student. It was hilarious. I had a blast. The first student I "sparred" with was one of my know-it-all students. He is a fun kid, but sometimes has that I know everything attitude. I knocked him over (or when he fell from losing balance) I pinned him to the floor with the gloves and kept "punching" him. So, it wasn't real boxing, but it was a good time.

The rest of my time was spent in the jousting ring with those blasted pugil sticks. It has been my favorite event during the annual party. There is always a student who wants to challenge me to the joust. Why would I deny my student the chance to hit their teacher? *inset evil laugh and grin here*

What my students don't know is that I have been challenged by about 100 students over the past 6 years, and I have never been defeated...not even against the principal. I get up on the platform, and a crowd begins to gather to see someone take down the teacher. I quickly take out my student, then another enters the ring to be defeated, then another, and another, etc.

What I love most about this day is that it is the one day each year I can hit my student and not get arrested or fired! (kidding) In seriousness, I am not abusive to my kids. They are the ones who choose to be ridiculed! I love my students, and this is a way to work off that aggression. It was awesome.

I am proud to tell you that I was challenged by 15 - 20 kids today and I never lost! What can I say...I am the king of the joust!

When the day and party was over, I realized just how much I was worked up. I was told that my face was as pink as the shirt I was wearing. I was sweating like a pig. Then I realized my back was soaked with sweat. When I leaned against a wall for a second, I got the instant sensation of cold and wetness down my back. YUCK! Today was an awesome cardio workout. My heart was pounding for about 90 minutes. Yes, I was challenged that long! There were actually students still in line to challenge the teacher.

Now, I am officially on Thanksgiving break until next Monday.

I have already begun my holiday shopping online. I spent over $100 on books from Wal-Mart (.com) today because their books were 50 - 70% off. I spent another $200 on DVDs from Amazon.com. They were having a huge Black Friday Now sell. Ended up with the entire seasons of Supernatural, Boston Legal, and Reba, plus a number of other movies I loved. Okay, so the shopping was mainly for me, but it was too good of a deal to pass up.

Hope everyone has an awesome Thanksgiving holiday. Get plenty of rest, eat wonderful amounts of Thanksgiving dinner, and enjoy the time with your families. (I know MNJ is having an especially awesome time with the mother-in-law! Sorry, MH, I couldn't resist the reference.)

Take care!

- JC

One final thought...I found this song from Johnny Cash. It is a song of Thanksgiving, and I can't help but feel the pure love between Johnny and June Carter Cash. I got the chance to meet them several years ago, and they are two of the kindest and down-to-Earth people you could ever meet.

I am Thankful

This Thursday in America we will celebrate Thanksgiving. It is a time when most of us get together with our friends and families for Thanksgiving dinner. It is a time to be thankful for what we have.

In honor of this holiday, I thought I would take a few moments to tell you about all the things for which I am thankful.




Family
I am thankful for the family I call mine. Growing up, I was blessed with a family that loved me, protected me, and would do absolutely anything for me. I always felt safe in my family. We are by no means a perfect family...we surely have our up and downs. The one thing that remains constant is the unconditional love I have come to realize exists in this family.


That unconditional love has been proven this year when I came out to my aunt and my dad. They both have shown nothing but love and acceptance.


There are times when I get frustrated and will complain about my family. I often joke that I can only take my family in small doses (true, totally true!), and that is the reason I moved away from them. I know they will always be here for me when I need them. In return, I am always going to be there for them.


As a teacher I have seen, first hand, the painful and awful lives that some of my students live. They did not choose the life the lead, and my heart aches to think how unsafe/unloved they can be. I wish I could offer them my family, so that they would know what a loving family is.

I am so very thankful for my 9 neices and nephews. They range in age from 1 year to 13 years old. The majority of my neices and nephews are bi-racial. I am thankful for that. The fact that their fathers are black has been a blessing in my family. I come from a very Old South-type family. My grandparents were not necessarily racist, but the prescribed to the old south ideas...that blacks should marry blacks and whites should marry whites. When my neices and nephews came along, my family was force to change their outlooks and beliefs on interracial relationships. Plus, they are absolutely adorable. I love getting to see them and chasing them around the house. I love being Uncle J.




Friends
In an effort to insure I thank those who have made the most of my life, I want to take some time to individually let you know what I want to tell you.


Cal - Cal has been in my life since the 6th grade. Good grief, that is 20 years ago. (feeling old!) We have been at each other's side through everything. Even to this day, we may be miles apart, but we will be there when the other calls.


Jenny - Jenny is another who has been in my life since 6th grade. However, my friendship with Jenny did not flourish until we ended up at the same university. We became, and to this day remain, inseperable. We know so much about each other's lives...probably more than anyone else knows about us. For instance, I know behind that confident doctor exterior is an unsure, scared, indecisive little girl needing someone's hand to hold. I have always been, and will always be there. I love you Dr. J!


Ben - My roommate in college. You were an unexpected surprise and consumate friend throughout. It was awesome to share a dorm with someone who had my views on religion, moral issues, etc. You introduced me and made me part of the family. I was honored to watch you get married a few years back, and now I get to watch you become the father you were always destined to be. Take care of that little boy! Also, tell your mother I miss her. (And tell her I still have the Tennessee jacket she bought me for Christmas that first year!)


Christy - Chris, you and I have been through so much since high school. You have become so much more than a friend. I truly have always felt like your big brother. I have always been there to protect you. I got to see you finally fall in love with Jodi, and I grinned from ear to ear when you asked me to be in your wedding. Now I get to see you finally treated the way you are supposed to be treated...like a goddess!


Paul - Well, Cuz, you and I have been more like brothers than cousins. Being only a month apart in age, we got to grow up together. You were my best friend as a child. You are still a great friend now. Our lives have taken very different paths. You chose to go into the Army instead of college. You have four incredible children and a fantastic wife. I love that I get to be an "uncle" to your kids. I love them like they were my own. You know I will always be there for you and them whenever needed. I am also thankful to know that God will bring you safely home from Iraq in the upcoming weeks. You have been gone for too long, and we all miss you. Also, I can never say thank you enough for all you have done for our country. You are a hero to me and so many others.


Mikey - Though I have only known you a short time, I have spilt many details of my life to you that I have never told anyone. You were the first person to reach out to me in this blogging world. You have become a friend that I continue to confide in, even though we have never met face to face. I look forward to our continued friendship. I promise that when you come to TN, I will give you the tour of DW!


MNJ & MH - The two of you have been a bright light over the past few weeks. Getting to know you both and to meet you (Well, one of you anyway. Look out, I am coming back through there soon. We have to finally get together and go dance!) has been a true blessing and joy. You two are truly unique, and I appreciate your willingness to open up. You have three fantastic kids that are lucky to have the two of you as parents. Please continue to just be yourselves. I look forward to getting to know you all more and having you as friends in my life. And, who knows, you might find a new neighbor in the coming months. You have been warned!


Chris & Camilla - Thank you for sharing your story with me and the rest of the world. I am grateful to know you, and I look forward to continuing to learn more about you.


There are so many more of you that I wish to thank, but I am not finding the words to construct the right way to say thanks! Just know that I am glad to have each of you in my life. I would not be here without each of you...




Being a Teacher
I know I have talked about this before, but I cannot go without saying how thankful I am to have such a wonderful career. There is rarely a day that goes by that I am not working with a student. There isn't a day that I can remember not seeing that light bulb that pops in a child's head when try to solve a problem. Not a day goes by that there is not some student that comes up to hug me and/or to tell me about something that happened to them last night.

I never knew that being a teacher would make me so emotionally connected to my students and their families. I have become, in a sense, a member of some of their families. Some of the parents have become awesome friends of mine. Even a few years after they have left my class, I still get phone calls, emails, and visits from former students just to let me know how they are doing.

Next year will mark the first class of my students that will graduate high school. That's right, my kids are becoming young adults. I hope we have prepared them well for the "real world."

Being a teacher is God's gift to me by allowing me to change the world through my work with these kids.


Freedom
It may be cliche, but I am grateful for the freedoms I enjoy as a citizen of the United States. I relish in the fact I can get in my car and go wherever I may want to go at whatever time I decide. I am blessed to know I can make decisions for myself and for my life. I am able to live my life without fear of persecution for being who I am.

In my class I am constantly discussing freedom with my students. This discussion usually turns towards the freedom of religion and the right to vote. My students and I have discussed at great length the freedom for each and every person in this country to practice whatever religion their believe in and follow. We also disuss the fact the some people do not follow any religion, which is also their right. 

In our recent unit on the Greek democratic system we got into huge discussions about the right to vote. Voting is a right we have to make our voices heard. I live under the idea that if you, as an American citizen, choose not to vote then you have NO right to complain. The beauty of our democratic system is that if you don't like what is happening in our government then you have the right to vote for changes in government.  


Random Things to be Thankful For...

- Rainy days

- Tennessee Vols football (my blood runneth orange!)

- Moravian Cookies

- My restless nature

- Naps

- Goat Cheese (LOVE IT!)

- Indian Foods

- Hiking in the mountains (I know, MNJ, I don't really know what mountains are.)

- The changing of the leaf colors in the mountains.

- Music

Final Note
This post may seem sappy or insane. That is fine with me. But, this has helped me to see that I have a very fortunate life. Sometimes I may think life sucks, but I look at a list like this and I am content once again.

I am also thankful for being able to blog. I have met some truly wonderful people through this opportunity. Each of you has had some effect on my life, and I will always be greatful for that.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
- JC

Job Search Update

Just wanted to write a quick note to share the news on the job hunt thus far.

Today one of my colleagues (and former teammate) stopped me after our faculty meeting to let me know that the company I applied to this past weekend has sent her a letter as a request for a reference.

I was shocked to hear of how sudden and how quick they are moving on my application. The posting for the position does not even close until December 3. I am taking that as a wondeful sign that they are interested. It made my day.

Thought I would share that with you. Thanks to everyone for the words of support.

I wanted to send a special shout out to MNJ and MH. Thanks for sending the messages and sending the plans for life. You two rock!

More news as I learn it myself!
- JC

Oh Happy Day

I am sitting here watching "Sister Act 2 : Back in the Habit." I know it is not a masterpiece of modern cinema...I get that. However, the music in this movie is pretty awesome. Just thought I would share.

Something incredible happens at 2:30.