Cannot Think of a Title for This...So, Here It Is

Today has been an insane day. I got up late (as in 9 AM...believe me when I say that is late.) I got a shower, got dressed, and then got busy with house chores. 

- Changed the sheets on all the beds. I live alone...why did I change all the sheets? 

- Cleaned the kitchen and the bathroom.

- Rearranged furniture in the living room to make room for the Christmas Tree

- Ran some laundry

- Ran to check the mail

- Checked some email

**Took a short break**

Then it was time to finally focus on getting my Christmas trees up. Yep, I mentioned the plural TREES. I have 4 trees in storage, but I was in no way going to put all of them up. I decided that I would put up two of them: the 7 1/2 foot slim pre-lit tree and my 6 1/2 white tree (known as my "Travel Tree").

I assembled the 7 1/2 foot tree first since it was going in the living room. It is a pre-lit tree, but it takes a considerable amount of time to arrange all 800+ limbs. Finally get it to look right and then plugged it into the wall. To my shock and dismay the entire midsection of  the tree was not lit. I went limb by limb trying to find the problem, but to no avail. So, I had to regroup. Luckily I have another 7 1/2 foot tree, but it is a full sized width...much bigger. It takes longer to put together, but it does completely light up. Actually I like this tree so much better.

I got the ornaments put on the big living room tree and decided to move on to my white tree. When I opened the box, I discovered that the tree was no longer pure white. It is now a darker cream color. I didn't know what to think, but I decided to go ahead and put it up in my dining room. I have 600 blue lights on white wire to put on this tree. Imagine my disgust when 300 of the lights do not work. I knew I had another 400 of them somewhere in the house, but I could not find them. I was left with the task of going out to find these lights. 

Now, finding blue lights on a white wire is harder than one might think. I ended up at Lowes, Target, and Wal-Mart trying to track them down. I finally found them at Wal-Mart. (Ugh!) While I was there I saw a white tree that caught my eye. I ended up buying a new white tree that was, well, WHITE. 

I got home and dismantled the old white tree and the 600 lights I had put on it. I then had to put up this new tree. It took a while. Evidently the new trees have many more branches to arrange, and I mean a lot! Finally got the tree up and decorated. 

In all, I assembled 4 trees throughout the day, dismantled 2, put on 1200 lights on trees, and decorated 2 of them. It took 6 hours from the time I began dealing with the trees today. Good grief! But, I am happy with the results. (Will post pics soon.)

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As I have mentioned before, the way I deal with my emotions is to keep myself so busy that I ignore the emotion in hopes of it subsiding. Hey, old habits die hard! Today was no exception. I spent countless hours today cleaning house, moving furniture, re-alphabetizing my DVD collection (OCD, remember?), and putting up trees. All in all, I was able to avoid my emotions today. 

Now that I have settled down for the night, I find these emotions stirring back up. There is a sadness today I am feeling out of sheer loneliness. I love the fact that I live alone. It definitely has its perks. At the same time, I find myself more and more wishing I had someone to share this 3 bedroom house with at this point in life. 

I was hoping to catch a friend online today to talk, but we constantly seem to miss each other on here. Yes I completely understand that we all lead busy lives, so I am not complaining about that. I just really needed someone to talk to that can identify with this loneliness. Heck, I would just accept being able to talk to help just get over these feelings tonight. 

I love my family, but I cannot talk to them about this. I can't talk to them about how I want to have a relationship and share my life. In fact, I don't really discuss any of this with the fam. They think I am doing just fine, and I am most of the time. 

Now, more than ever, I am ready to get out of this town for good. There really is not much for me here anymore. I have no family here (and I am grateful for that fact). All of my true and closest friends live away from here now. I am somewhere that finds me hiding a portion of my life because I fear intolerance and the repercussions it could bring. 

I want to move somewhere that I can start anew. Live my life as who I really am. I want to start anew so I no longer have to hide. 

I am continually praying for such a change. I pray that the job I have applied for will pan out. I will hear about an interview in about two weeks. The board will vote on a candidate during the first two weeks of January. If all works out, I will be out of here by February. This is the hope I am needing right now to sustain me. 

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I think I will stop here. I don't know where I was going with all of this. I just needed to get that off my chest. 

Perhaps I will hit up a friend to talk about what's been going on in life. 

Hope everyone is doing well. 

- JC