Justin

Okay, I have been keeping a secret for a few months. I have been seeing someone, and I have not really told anyone. Why would I do that? Call it fear...fear that I will get my hopes up and all would come crashing down. I now am ready to tell you, my friends, about Justin.

On a personal note...love ya, MH! You know you are one of my most cherished friends! 

I met Justin on New Year's Eve. I went to a friend's house for a party. Justin was there with his partner, Brian. They were both pretty interesting to talk with. I didn't really think much of it at the time. I was just meeting some people I did not know.

Fast forward to May.

Justin added me as a friend on Facebook. It took me a while to figure out who this stranger was adding me to his friends list. We chatted through messaging for a few days until I realized who he was, and that I indeed had met him. So, I did add him to my list.

We ended up talking each evening for a few weeks. I found him to be quite intriguing. What I learned through our initial chats was that he is 30 years old, lives about 30 miles from me, works for a large regional bank in our area (he is a loan officer), he is going back to school to get a masters degree in business administration, he loves to travel, he has a kid (well, a bichon frise puppy named Beau), and so much more.

After a great amount of talking, we decided to meet for dinner. I made the 55 minute drive to meet him. We had an awesome dinner. We talked the entire time, laughed a great deal, and just got to know more about each other. Then, we got in my car and drove around for a bit...talking some more. He allowed me to run into Best Buy as I was shopping for a new netbook. Then we made a bee-line for Starbucks. Since I don't drink coffee, I ended up with a soy strawberries and cream. We sat out on the patio for about an hour just talking some more. That was end of our first date. Nothing too exciting, but I enjoyed it.

From that point we talked almost every night. Well, you know, it was all new and fresh.

Some time in June, Justin asked me to go away with him for a weekend. Now, for those of you who know me, you know that I am somewhat conservative and old-fashioned at times. Going away for the weekend sounded too fast-moving for me, but I thought it and agreed to it. We rented a cabin for the weekend. We played around town for two days and had a great time. (For those of you with "those" thoughts, get them out of your head...I am not that kind of guy. LOL) It was a great time just to get away and get to know more about him.

There is more to tell, but I am going to hold that for now.

Now I find that we are at an impasse. Over the past few weeks, we have both become extremely frustrated in the fact we are not able to see each other. We are both extremely busy in life. Whenever one of us has some free time, the other is either out of town or committed elsewhere. We just have not found the time to meet up. It appears we don't have the time for each other. It is frustrating! I feel as though I have been trying to make time for him, but he is not making time for me. I have even kept my school work at school so that I would have some freed-up time in the afternoons, but it is to no avail.

Another brick wall we have between us...sex. As I have posted before, I often despise the thought of it. (I know I am often in the minority here, but it is my life!) Why? I have no idea. It is just the way it is. I am one of those crazy people who have always chosen to wait for love first. There are times when we will be talking, and Justin will bring up a discussion or insinuation of sex. I really get uncomfortable with this, but Justin does not seem to pick up on that.

Well, today was the day I laid it all out on the line. I finally had to let it all go and let Justin know what was in my head. Like the chicken I am, I put it all in a letter that I sent to him. I knew he was studying all day and didn't need to be disturbed. So, I sent the letter and sent him a text to let him know I had sent him the email. Maybe, at some point, I will post the email on here, but for now it will stay private...sorry!

I finally got a response from Justin. He told me that it was a shock to get the message, but he was glad I was able to let it all out. He said he finally was able to understand more about me. There wasn't much more said than that. I know it is going to take some processing time for both of us. I don't know that we will be able to continue on at this point. Seems we are just in two different places right now. We are on two different paths that seldom cross each other.

Simply put, I am feeling the sting of loneliness. It sucks!

As I read this post, I feel it is not making a lot of sense. It is very random. Oh well, it is some honesty for you all! My apologies for the terrible use of grammar! My English teachers would be horrified by such a horrible display of grammar. 


There is more to come...but in time.