What's Been Going On?

I have been pretty quiet since Monday night's breakdown post. The truth is that I have been working my butt off this past week and then coming home totally exhausted.

To say that this has been one of the toughest weeks in my life would be an understatement.

Because of what has been going on over the past two weeks, I have shut down on some levels. I literally locked myself in my house after work each night this week. I was so emotionally and physically exhausted that I could not function anymore each day. I came home, locked the door, fell onto my couch, and passed out hard! I would wake up around 10:00 each night and make my way to my bed. Then I was out for the rest of the night. I have lost almost all appetite this week. I have only been eating one meal each day. I just had NO appetite.

On Tuesday morning, during my planning period (which is 8-9 AM each day) I had an emotional breakdown. I was talking with our school's special education diagnostician about one of my students. I was feeling shaky as our conversation continued. As we finished, I turned to go back to my hallway. A friend and colleague of mine stopped me in the hall to ask me for help with something, and I went to pieces.

No, I did not cry...still can't do it!

I just told her I had to get back to her and I needed to get away. Luckily, there were no students in the hallways at the time. Every one of them was in their respective classrooms. I am thankful for the tight ship we run. No one else saw me "freak out" and make a mad dash for my hallway and classroom. My teammate, Tammy, called out to me as I was passing her classroom. I went in and let it all go on her. I am the one she comes to when she needs to let is all go as well. She is one of my best friends, and I love her so much! By the time the students got back to the classroom, I regained my composure and was ready to go.

Consequently, I was not the only teacher on my hallway that had a breakdown this week. All five teachers on my hallway have had a panic attack, anxiety attack, or a good crying spell this week...more on that later!

To add insult to injury, I came home last night (Friday) around 6 PM. I was so sleepy. I got to the couch, and that is all I remember. I woke up this morning (Saturday) at 8 AM. I was asleep for 14 hours. I woke up face down on my couch still dressed in my work attire.

I dare say it, but the 14 hours of sleep have really helped. I felt so very much refreshed today. I got out this morning to do a bit of clothes shopping before coming back home. I am totally at peace today, and I am just sailing through the day.

You may be asking, "What has been going on with you?"

As I previously discussed last week, I have some very challenging students this year.

I have one student who was expelled from school during the last half of last year. During the time he was at school, he spent more time in in-school suspension than in the classroom. Mom demanded that he be put back into the 6th grade. By some sheer act of fate, he gets put on my hallway and my team. This is the student who called me "stupid" on the very first day of school. Earlier this week, he was better behaved. He wasn't the most well behaved, but he was calmer and non-aggressive. I was actually beginning to enjoy having him in class. He was absent on Thursday, and it was clear how different the class was without his presence. He came back on Friday, and would not behave. What sent me over the edge with him was him getting into my storage bins, throwing balls across the room, and messing with things he was asked not to touch. (Lamps, electronic equipment, etc.) When I got onto him, he decided to talk back and mock me. I sent him to the office while the rest of the team went out for a Popsicle celebration for the end of week 1.

The other student, which is causing all of this emotional breakdown on my hall is my autistic student. Before I begin, let me just say that I know he is autistic and I know he has a very low IQ. I feel for him. However, he is nothing but a disruption in our classes. Since he has been in our school system (4 years now), he has been in a regular classroom and inclusion setting. Last May, during his IEP meeting it was recommended that he be put in a special CDC class where he can learn life skills. His mother, with her lawyer by her side, demanded that he be put into a regular classroom and inclusion setting. It was also requested that he have a special education assistant with him all day, every day.

We began this week with my student coming down the hall, looking at me, calling out my name (which I doubted he even knew) and started singing "na-na-na-na-na-na." I stopped him and told him what he was doing was rude and wrong. He just laughed his loudest laugh. Every time he saw me the rest of the day, I got the same singing. That has stopped this week...let's hope it lasts.

He will do NOTHING in class except to yell out random comments that make no sense, laugh, hiss, grunt, cry, etc. His assistants (yes, that's plural) try to correct the behavior and get him to work. Every time they do, he simply begins to SCREAM! I am not talking some light screaming...We are talking about blood-curdling, someone is getting murdered-type of scream. It is so loud that every student in every classroom down our hallway can hear it. It stops all our classes, every time. When it is decided that he must be removed from class, he will start crying, yell "NO," then begin his blood-curdling screams again! Four of our nine hallways have reported hearing him scream! Yes, he is that loud. There has not been one class this week where he has not yelled, laughed, or screamed out. Not a one!

I forgot to mention the effect on our students. The kids on our hallway have pretty much alienated him. It is not because they want to do it. They are just TERRIFIED of him. The screams come, and my students jump out of their seats. I have seen the boys that sit at his table physically shaking after the screaming. When he gets removed, I take the time to sit with those four boys and try to calm their nerves. (Before anyone asks, these boys choose to sit with my student. They feel some responsibility to help him, but it is having a negative affect on these kids. They are becoming too scared to work with him.)

The mother called our office on Thursday morning to speak with one of us. A message was taken because our planning period was over, and we were in the middle of teaching class. Just a quick note before I go on...she calls back about two hours later mad and demanding to know why we have not returned her phone call. After my planning period, the only time I have to call parents back is at the end of the day. Sheesh! When we do call the mother back (at 3:00) she keeps talking in circles telling us that she wants her son to be in a normal classroom and treated like any other student, with the same expectations. Then she turns right around and says that her son needs special considerations because he is autistic. She cannot make up her mind. We tell her that he is constantly disrupting the class and refusing to do any work. He won't even write down his assignments in his assignment book. We also learned that he goes home and tells his mother that there is no homework this week, and that it will start next week.

The mother kept telling us that we obviously do not understand autism. Who does she think she is kidding? I have a 10-year old nephew who is autistic. I have worked at a summer camp in New York for kids who were autistic. Don't sit there and tell me I don't understand!

In an effort to document every incident with this student, we have devised a chart to tally every time he yells out, screams, is removed from class, refuses to comply, etc. There are even two or three incidences of aggressive behavior towards his assistants. This simply cannot continue.

Our plan is to call a meeting in about another week or two where the mother, father, special education teachers, our school therapist, our administrators, the system's director of special education, and his teachers will be attending. We have to find some resolution to this issue. All of the school personnel agree that his placement in a regular classroom is not the "least restrictive environment" needed for him. Being in our classes is not helping him in any way. His refusal to do anything and his outlandish behavior is not helping him in his educational endeavors.

I understand that his mother wants him to be in a normal classroom and performing at grade level. The truth is he has been tested and determined that he is performing on a second grade level. Yes, a SECOND GRADE LEVEL! There is no way he will be able to perform at a sixth grade level. That is not coming from me. That is coming from our diagnosticians, doctors, etc.  She also wants us to help him work on his social skills. In actuality, he is being alienated by his classmates because of their fear of him.

The mother will make an argument that he has a right to be in a regular classroom. I agree that her son has the right to a free public education. However, so do the other 75 kids on my team. Because of this student, my others will suffer academically this year. So much of our time this week has been spent trying to stop and correct this child's behavior, that our other students are being somewhat neglected in their education. It is not right. Their rights are being taken away.

We (the educators, administrators, therapists, and other doctors) agree that my student needs to be placed in a CDC class where he can be in a smaller classroom where he can receive a more appropriate education. He would also have more one-on-one experience with the special education teachers. It really would be the best placement for him.

Another problem here is that our school system administrators are scared of being sued by the mother. They are being pushed around by these parents because their all threaten a lawsuit if they don't get their way. It is time that our administrators finally stand up and say "BRING IT ON!" As education professionals, we have the experience and the knowledge to make appropriate decisions in the education of children. We are not trying to discriminate against this student in any way. We are simply trying to make the best education decisions for ALL students in our schools.

We had a parent of another student call us yesterday after school. She said her son loves us and loves being on our team. However, she and he have great concern about having our autistic student on the hall this year. Seems both boys have been in the same class since third grade. The mother filled us in on everything that happened at their elementary school. It was very enlightening. After she talked with us, she decided to call the central office and file a complaint about this student in our classes. (No, we did not even mention such a thing to her. Evidently the parents whose kids were in school with our autistic student last year are upset that he is still with their kids this year. I don't know what is going to happen with them.)

Who knows what this next week will bring? I have honestly never had a week this hard in my career. I could not imagine another 35 weeks like this one. There is NO WAY anyone could do it!

One thing is for sure...I am not giving up. I will fight to be the best teacher my kids have ever had. They deserve it! They need a teacher who will help them through this transitional year of middle school. They need an advocate. They need someone who cares for them. They need someone who will lead them through their educational endeavors. Well, they are on the right team. My teammates and I are fighters. We are a tight team. Every thing we do, we do it with our students best interests in mind.

I am also going to start the week fresh. I have to do so. I need to reclaim so parts of my sanity.

Thanks for listening and the concern you have expressed this week. I appreciate each one of you. All will be okay down the road. This road is bumpy and sometimes hard to climb, but we will make it!

Take care!
Joey