A Simple Gesture

The other night I discovered that a friend of mine was gay.

Okay, before someone asks the question...NO, I did not know, but I had suspicions. I have known Alex for about a year now. He works for one of the organizations I to which I am a member. I see Alex every month or so at some event. He lives about 5 hours away, so we don't get to hang out very much. The friendship is fairly new, so I haven't learned all about him yet.

Back to the story...

We were at a GLBT Caucus dinner/fundraiser while in New Orleans. That is where I saw Alex and his partner, Joe. As I sat at dinner listening to our guest of honor (actress Ashley Judd), I looked over at the table in front of me. That is when I saw this simple gesture that made me pause.

What was it that made me stop and stare?

During Ms. Judd's speech, I saw Joe reach over and take Alex's hand. They sat, held each other's hand, and listened to the speech. It was something so very small, but it meant much more.

Let's get frank here! I live a very sheltered life in the "gay" world. Because of where I live, you would NEVER see two guys holding hands in public...especially in my professional world. I have rarely been witness to witnessing two guys expressing their love for each other. Again, because of where I live it just doesn't happen!

As I stopped and stared for a brief moment at Alex and Joe holding hands, I couldn't help but get this lump in my throat. Their simple expression of love for each other made me realize that I was in a place where everyone was accepted for who they are in life, and that there was nothing wrong with that! People from every walk of life was at this dinner: gay, straight, bi, somewhere in between, etc. It was awesome to see this show of love and support for all members of the human society! Our national leaders were at this dinner. The national president, vice-president (who I learned has a gay son), secretary/treasurer, executive committee members, and other members of the board were all present. That showed me that I am represented by people who accept all. There was this great sense of pride I felt for being a member of this organization.

More than that, seeing the love between Alex and Joe really helped me to see that it is okay to love. Yes, that may sound a bit ridiculous to some. The fact is that I have not allowed myself to love or be loved by another. I have always kept others at a distance to keep the possibility of love, or even admiration, at bay. I have feared love for so long that I wonder if I will be able to ever find it in my life. Wow! I did not realize how difficult that is to say.

Will I ever be able to love?
Will I ever allow myself to be loved?
Will I ever be able to recognize love when it comes around?