School
What a whirlwind it has been for the past two weeks in my school life.
Last week, I became "the voice" for all the teachers, students, and concerned parents in my school system. Our school board presented its revised budget to the city commission, asking for a $1.5 million increase in funding. I ended up giving several television, radio, and newspaper interviews. I have never had to do something like this before. Sure, I had been interviewed for TV before, but that was for an education segment on helping your kids at home. This was far different. I was giving interviews to inform the public about the plight of our school system's budget. We knew that there would be a fight on our hands with the city commission for the increase in funding. We were right. The fight for funding will continue. I will continue to be the face of our educators. This next month will be a fun and busy one as the city commission and school board work to come to some conclusion. I will be in the thick of it all to insure that we get the funding, that our teachers don't lose their jobs, our students will continue to have the best education possible, and that we continue to be the top in the state. Ugh!
This week has been a tough one. Being the last week of school, the kids are always crazy. In addition to the insanity, I had to move my classroom to my new location for next year. I had to pack up EVERYTHING, move it all downstairs to my new classroom, and tomorrow I will spend some time unpacking it all.
The hardest part of this week will be saying goodbye to my kids tomorrow. I have grown to love these kids, even though some days they drive me to the point of consumption. There have been some incredible connections made with these kids. They really are a great group! I never know if I made a difference in their lives, but I hope on some level I did.
I have to tell this story for a second. I have this one student, who I will simple call P. P is a tough soul. She is from Nigeria, but has lived in the USA for many years. I had her cousin, L, several years before, so I knew what to expect. P did not surprise me in the slightest. She wore the tightest clothes, had a bad attitude, loved to pick fights, and be an all around bad a$$. Yesterday, I had students write down their top 10 observations of me. As I was reading P's list, I teared up as I read #10. It said "[He] is the best teacher I have ever had. He really cared for me." For a student who was always such a problem and pain in the rear, to have her write that about me let me know that I was able to reach her on a different level. Love moments like that in teaching.
So, tomorrow, I will probably be crying as my students board their buses, get in their cars, or walk home. I hate saying goodbye. What's worse, I will also have to say goodbye to my former students who will be moving on to the high school next year. Ugh!
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Here in the past few weeks, I have found myself in an identity crisis.
This past weekend I hung out with Justin, a friend of a friend. We had been talking for a couple weeks, went to dinner last week, and decided to hang out over the weekend. We were out on Saturday doing some sightseeing, shopping the outlet mall, playing miniature golf, maneuvering a mirror maze, watching a movie, etc.
As the weekend went on, I began to have this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach.
What was this feeling?
CONFUSION! Yes, utter confusion!
What am I confused about? I decided to have a talk with my friend, Lynne about all of this the other day. As the weekend progressed, I just felt this questioning happening in my head. I was asking questions such as
- Is this what I want in life?
- Can I see myself happy with this person?
- Is this really me?
As I went on, I also began to ask myself "the kids & family" question.
Why is this part of my life so difficult to figure out? Am I going crazy?
Yes, this is nothing more than a mere rambling right now. Just feeling completely lost at the moment. Don't really know where to go or what to do at the moment.
Okay friends...any advice? Words of wisdom?
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Right now, I need some music.
Don't rush into these things. Let it come naturally.
ReplyDeleteThe letter you recieved from your student moved me.
First off, is Justin gay, and is he cute?
ReplyDeleteIs the confusion a combination of being scared to admit your sexuality?
I'm here if you want to talk, buddy :)
Mikey -
ReplyDeleteFirst off, yes, Justin is gay.
Second, I don't know how to answer that question. I don't know what I perceive as "cute."
I appreciate the support. Will keep you posted.