February 20, 2015
February 14, 2015
Starting Anew in 2015
Hello friends -
Long time, no see!
I looked today, and I realized it has been 9 months since I have posted on this blog. So much has happened over the past year, and I want to share much of it with you. However, trying to sum it all up in a year is hard. So we will go a little at a time.
First, and foremost, I need to apologize to people in my life. You see, I have been battling a very debilitating bout with depression. Friends who really know me know that I don't show emotion well. In fact, we call it my Chinese Wall. Many people build such a wall to protect themselves from whatever is happening in their lives. I have been building this wall most of my life. The hard part is that I have built the wall so high that I have blocked out the light in my life.
I cannot pinpoint what has caused this deep depression in life. In fact, no one really knew I that I have been in this situation for so long. I would go to work, teach my kids, conduct the business of being a teacher, then come home and lock myself in for the remainder of the night. I became quite the recluse.
To my friends and family, my life was good. They saw me working hard as a teacher, fighting for the teachers and students of the state when I was working with legislators in our state capital, and making a name for myself in our community. On social media, I would post only the positives of life. Life looked good. On the inside, however, life stung with every heartbeat. The worst part of it all is that I withdrew from my friends and family. I haven't seen or spoken to my best friend in well over 6 months. That is totally my fault for not returning calls and reaching out.
Now, that does not mean I stopped working. Quite the opposite was true. I have always worked my butt off to keep the emotions pushed away. That has been the continuation in my life. I have worked and worked and worked. I didn't have time to deal with falling apart. My students needed me. My teachers and parents needed me. All of the leadership roles I have could not go neglected. I became a workhorse.
When I would stop working, I would crash and then lock up. When I was at home, I was avoiding everyone and everything.
At one point last year I did seek help. I began seeing therapist in my area. Then I discovered that my therapist was a parent of a former student. That hit me hard. It meant I had revealed myself to someone who knew me. That scared me, and I locked back up on everyone.
The past year has been a very lonely one. It is my fault for locking myself away from everyone. Well, I am working on it.
The first thing I am doing now is opening up to my friends and family. My Aunt Sue was the first one I spoke to about the depression. In fact, she pushed me for information. She had seen it. Being the mother figure that she is, it doesn't surprise me that she picked up on it. Now, I am faced with opening up to my friends that I shut out of my life.
I am starting to open up to my best friend, Jenny. She is the one I have shut out, and she is the one that I feel most guilty about shutting out. As Meredith Grey would say, "she is my person." I have decided to start with a letter to Jenny explaining what has been going on and apologizing profusely. I don't know how she is going to react. All I know is that I miss my best friend. We were so close since going to college. We were with each other for every major event in life. I need her to know how sorry I really am and how much I want to get back to where we were.
There are so many others that I want to reach out to and let them know why I went away.
Am I better? Not even close to 100 percent. However, admitting it to myself and others if the first major step in the right direction.
So what does 2015 have in store? I am not sure. I do know that it is going to be a fight to get past this blasted depression. I am committed to doing just that. I am committed to getting life back in order. It is just going to be a one-step-at-a-time journey.
I will be trying to post more on here this year. In the past, this blog offered me an outlet. It also brought me some great friends whom I need to reconnect with soon.
Thanks for listening. More to come...
Long time, no see!
I looked today, and I realized it has been 9 months since I have posted on this blog. So much has happened over the past year, and I want to share much of it with you. However, trying to sum it all up in a year is hard. So we will go a little at a time.
First, and foremost, I need to apologize to people in my life. You see, I have been battling a very debilitating bout with depression. Friends who really know me know that I don't show emotion well. In fact, we call it my Chinese Wall. Many people build such a wall to protect themselves from whatever is happening in their lives. I have been building this wall most of my life. The hard part is that I have built the wall so high that I have blocked out the light in my life.
I cannot pinpoint what has caused this deep depression in life. In fact, no one really knew I that I have been in this situation for so long. I would go to work, teach my kids, conduct the business of being a teacher, then come home and lock myself in for the remainder of the night. I became quite the recluse.
To my friends and family, my life was good. They saw me working hard as a teacher, fighting for the teachers and students of the state when I was working with legislators in our state capital, and making a name for myself in our community. On social media, I would post only the positives of life. Life looked good. On the inside, however, life stung with every heartbeat. The worst part of it all is that I withdrew from my friends and family. I haven't seen or spoken to my best friend in well over 6 months. That is totally my fault for not returning calls and reaching out.
Now, that does not mean I stopped working. Quite the opposite was true. I have always worked my butt off to keep the emotions pushed away. That has been the continuation in my life. I have worked and worked and worked. I didn't have time to deal with falling apart. My students needed me. My teachers and parents needed me. All of the leadership roles I have could not go neglected. I became a workhorse.
When I would stop working, I would crash and then lock up. When I was at home, I was avoiding everyone and everything.
At one point last year I did seek help. I began seeing therapist in my area. Then I discovered that my therapist was a parent of a former student. That hit me hard. It meant I had revealed myself to someone who knew me. That scared me, and I locked back up on everyone.
The past year has been a very lonely one. It is my fault for locking myself away from everyone. Well, I am working on it.
The first thing I am doing now is opening up to my friends and family. My Aunt Sue was the first one I spoke to about the depression. In fact, she pushed me for information. She had seen it. Being the mother figure that she is, it doesn't surprise me that she picked up on it. Now, I am faced with opening up to my friends that I shut out of my life.
I am starting to open up to my best friend, Jenny. She is the one I have shut out, and she is the one that I feel most guilty about shutting out. As Meredith Grey would say, "she is my person." I have decided to start with a letter to Jenny explaining what has been going on and apologizing profusely. I don't know how she is going to react. All I know is that I miss my best friend. We were so close since going to college. We were with each other for every major event in life. I need her to know how sorry I really am and how much I want to get back to where we were.
There are so many others that I want to reach out to and let them know why I went away.
Am I better? Not even close to 100 percent. However, admitting it to myself and others if the first major step in the right direction.
So what does 2015 have in store? I am not sure. I do know that it is going to be a fight to get past this blasted depression. I am committed to doing just that. I am committed to getting life back in order. It is just going to be a one-step-at-a-time journey.
I will be trying to post more on here this year. In the past, this blog offered me an outlet. It also brought me some great friends whom I need to reconnect with soon.
Thanks for listening. More to come...
May 11, 2014
Mother's Day
Today marks the 100th anniversary of Mother's Day!
Let me begin by saying that I have been blessed to have some remarkable women in my life who have helped to raise me through the years. These women stepped in and took care of me. Many times they would claim me as their own child. They have blessed me with their unconditional love, and I cannot ever say THANK YOU enough to those women. These women are my paternal grandmother, my paternal aunt (aka "The Warden"), two of my best friends' moms (Patsy and Adele). Thank you for taking care of me and making sure I was loved. It means the world to me. You may never really know how much.
On what should be a joyous day of celebration, I have spent most of the day in a very depressed state of mind. You see, my parents divorced when I was only 5 years old. The divorce left some very real and deep scars in my life. My family will tell you that the divorce probably affected me emotionally more than anyone else. I seem to be the one person who has never been able to let go of the hurt. It still plagues me to this day. However, what hurt more than anything was losing my mother.
No, my mother did not pass away. She is still very much alive and kicking. After the divorce, my father gained full custody of me and my brother. My mother chose to fade into the background. I saw her, maybe, one a year. There were years where I wouldn't see her at all. My father lost a wife in the divorce, but I lost my mother. My mother became a subject that we did not discuss with my dad's family. My grandmother forbid it. My dear, loving grandmother did her best to protect us, so mentioning the woman who hurt her son and grandkids was not allowed.
It wasn't until I was in my 20s that I really started to see and speak to my mom again. It has been about 15 years of trying to build a relationship with her. I have tried. She and I are so very much alike. It is obvious I am hers. However, we still only see each other about once or twice a year. I cannot say that I have ever had that mother-son relationship that so many of my friends have had. I still long for that relationship. My dad and grandmother had that bond. She had it with all of her kids. Why couldn't I have that with my mom?
Today so many friends have been posting pictures of themselves with their mom, and I have almost been in tears all day. I realize now that I don't have a mother-son picture with my mom. My heart has been breaking all day. I didn't get to see my mom today. In truth, I haven't seen my mom in over a year now. My heart tears just a bit more each time I think of that fact. I don't know what to do.
I did send my mother a card to say Happy Mother's Day and that I love her. Have I ever mentioned how bloody difficult it is to pick out a Mother's Day card for someone in my position? I look at all these cards, then I have to put so many of them back. So many of the cards mention how blessed the person is to have had a mother in their life for so many years. Another card may mention how the mom has always been there. I have sometimes stood for almost an hour looking for a card that fits. It is agony!
A little while ago I decided to text my mom to wish her a Happy Mother's Day. I told her I was sorry that I didn't get to see her today, and that I miss her. She texted back to say thanks and that it has been too long since we have seen one another. Then she did say she loved me. Even the texts are killing me.
Why does this have to be so hard? Will I ever have the type of mother-son bond I have longed for all these years? What am I to do?
Thanks for taking the moment to read this. I apologize for the Debbie-Downer type message. Just needed to get this out of me.
April 13, 2014
Hello, my friends.
I don;t even know how many of you still check out this blog. I haven't posted anything in almost one full year. Life has been going, as usual, full speed ahead. I sometimes find it difficult to just slow down and smell the proverbial roses. I had given considerable thought to shutting down this blog, but for some unknown reasons I cannot bring myself to delete it all. So, I decided I needed to write today.
Why is it that some people can cry at the drop of a hat, while others rarely are able to shed a tear?
I find myself to be one of those in the latter category. I cannot cry. There have been times in laugh where I have needed to cry, but I find myself unable to get over that threshold. The last time I remember genuinely crying was at the funeral of my paternal grandmother. She died nine years ago yesterday. Since then, I cannot recall a scenario or situation in which I was genuinely shedding tears.
Is there something wrong with me? I have built up such an emotional barricade that I cannot let it down to feel and express sadness, sorrow, etc?
Granted, I have forged myself one might Chinese wall when it comes to my emotions. They are not something I let show very often, especially in public. Being a teacher, I have to come to school being the happy teacher. I must give that daily for my students. However, there are things playing out in life that bother me, but I do not let them show. I have become a master of holding back emotion.
My Lord, I have become Spock! Even Spock had an emotional breakdown from time to time. I haven't reached that point yet. I tend to find other outlets to release that anger, sadness, fear, etc. The problem over the past year is that the outlet of choosing has been food. I have gorged on it just to try and make up for the lack of emotion in my life. It got way out of control. All of the weight I worked hard to lose 7 or 8 years ago has returned with a vengeance. (Granted, I am working to get that weight back off. Already, I am down 20 pounds, but a long way still to go.)
To my friends and colleagues, I appear as a tower of strength. However, it has all been crumbling down internally for a while. I just have no outlet in which to express it. Sounds like it is time to once again call up the therapist and make an appointment. Haven't done that in about 7 years. It is time to let it all out.
Anyway, back to the crying and my lack of emotions. What I wouldn't give to just breakdown for about an hour and have a good, old fashioned cry. I just need to know that I can once again feel emotions I have suppressed for so long. This is going to sound pitiful of me, but here goes. Lately I find myself watching YouTube videos of soldier homecomings. Specifically, soldiers returning to their kids. The tear at my heart, and I often come close to crying. Sadly, all I typically get out is one or two tears.
What I am fearful of most is that I have shut down my emotions to the point that it is shutting people out. My best friend, Jenny, moved to Florida over a year ago, and I haven't spoken with her except once or twice since then. I think I shut it all out so as not to get upset by the fact that my dearest friend is now over 12 hours away. I have even cut off friends that are closer in proximity to me (Mandi, Mikeal, Dean, Callie, Lynne, and the list goes on and on and on).
Furthermore, what if my emotional Chinese wall never comes down, and I miss out on finding my future husband and kids? I try to see that in my future, but it is blocked from my view. Have I gone too far in my life to hope for kids? How about the husband? I certainly don't want to go through this adventure of life alone. Where's the fun in that? A life is meant to be shared with someone. I am tired of this Chinese wall keeping me single and reclusive.
I fear that I have gotten off topic, so please forgive me. There is just this flurry of emotions trying to break free from the Chinese wall I have spent my lifetime building. Sometimes a little of it breaks through, but it is rare. It has certainly been trying its best to get over the wall this weekend.
Where does this leave me? The honest answer would be I have absolutely no idea. I know that I need to work on breaking down the emotional barrier I have built up all my life. It doesn't matter anymore why it was built in the first place. All that matters now is that I break down this wall and finally open up my life. I need to have the courage to step out and meet people. I need to have the courage to love and to be loved in return.
I need to finally man up and think about what my future is going to hold. Will I be in my current location? Will I move to a bigger city? Will I go back to school and get my Education Specialist degree in Administration? Will I continue to seek leadership roles instead of taking the time to just be part of the team? Will I meet someone special and share our lives together? Will I finally get the chance to adopt a couple kids? Will I be a good parent? Will I be half the father my dad was to me?
So, has all of this emotional defensive strategy work I have done throughout the years left me an emotionless wreck? Do I have any hope for the future. I am hoping the answer is that I have time to make changes so that what I fear most will not happen. I cannot fail at this. There is too much at stake.
Thanks for listening, and I apologize (to anyone who may stumble upon this posting) for the randomness and overreacting I have done. Love you all!
-J-
PS...Before I go, I wanted to share the following picture. This afternoon I was feeling restless (as you can see by the post above) and decided to drive up into the mountains. Felt like I was on top of the world!
I don;t even know how many of you still check out this blog. I haven't posted anything in almost one full year. Life has been going, as usual, full speed ahead. I sometimes find it difficult to just slow down and smell the proverbial roses. I had given considerable thought to shutting down this blog, but for some unknown reasons I cannot bring myself to delete it all. So, I decided I needed to write today.
Why is it that some people can cry at the drop of a hat, while others rarely are able to shed a tear?
I find myself to be one of those in the latter category. I cannot cry. There have been times in laugh where I have needed to cry, but I find myself unable to get over that threshold. The last time I remember genuinely crying was at the funeral of my paternal grandmother. She died nine years ago yesterday. Since then, I cannot recall a scenario or situation in which I was genuinely shedding tears.
Is there something wrong with me? I have built up such an emotional barricade that I cannot let it down to feel and express sadness, sorrow, etc?
Granted, I have forged myself one might Chinese wall when it comes to my emotions. They are not something I let show very often, especially in public. Being a teacher, I have to come to school being the happy teacher. I must give that daily for my students. However, there are things playing out in life that bother me, but I do not let them show. I have become a master of holding back emotion.
My Lord, I have become Spock! Even Spock had an emotional breakdown from time to time. I haven't reached that point yet. I tend to find other outlets to release that anger, sadness, fear, etc. The problem over the past year is that the outlet of choosing has been food. I have gorged on it just to try and make up for the lack of emotion in my life. It got way out of control. All of the weight I worked hard to lose 7 or 8 years ago has returned with a vengeance. (Granted, I am working to get that weight back off. Already, I am down 20 pounds, but a long way still to go.)
To my friends and colleagues, I appear as a tower of strength. However, it has all been crumbling down internally for a while. I just have no outlet in which to express it. Sounds like it is time to once again call up the therapist and make an appointment. Haven't done that in about 7 years. It is time to let it all out.
Anyway, back to the crying and my lack of emotions. What I wouldn't give to just breakdown for about an hour and have a good, old fashioned cry. I just need to know that I can once again feel emotions I have suppressed for so long. This is going to sound pitiful of me, but here goes. Lately I find myself watching YouTube videos of soldier homecomings. Specifically, soldiers returning to their kids. The tear at my heart, and I often come close to crying. Sadly, all I typically get out is one or two tears.
What I am fearful of most is that I have shut down my emotions to the point that it is shutting people out. My best friend, Jenny, moved to Florida over a year ago, and I haven't spoken with her except once or twice since then. I think I shut it all out so as not to get upset by the fact that my dearest friend is now over 12 hours away. I have even cut off friends that are closer in proximity to me (Mandi, Mikeal, Dean, Callie, Lynne, and the list goes on and on and on).
Furthermore, what if my emotional Chinese wall never comes down, and I miss out on finding my future husband and kids? I try to see that in my future, but it is blocked from my view. Have I gone too far in my life to hope for kids? How about the husband? I certainly don't want to go through this adventure of life alone. Where's the fun in that? A life is meant to be shared with someone. I am tired of this Chinese wall keeping me single and reclusive.
I fear that I have gotten off topic, so please forgive me. There is just this flurry of emotions trying to break free from the Chinese wall I have spent my lifetime building. Sometimes a little of it breaks through, but it is rare. It has certainly been trying its best to get over the wall this weekend.
Where does this leave me? The honest answer would be I have absolutely no idea. I know that I need to work on breaking down the emotional barrier I have built up all my life. It doesn't matter anymore why it was built in the first place. All that matters now is that I break down this wall and finally open up my life. I need to have the courage to step out and meet people. I need to have the courage to love and to be loved in return.
I need to finally man up and think about what my future is going to hold. Will I be in my current location? Will I move to a bigger city? Will I go back to school and get my Education Specialist degree in Administration? Will I continue to seek leadership roles instead of taking the time to just be part of the team? Will I meet someone special and share our lives together? Will I finally get the chance to adopt a couple kids? Will I be a good parent? Will I be half the father my dad was to me?
So, has all of this emotional defensive strategy work I have done throughout the years left me an emotionless wreck? Do I have any hope for the future. I am hoping the answer is that I have time to make changes so that what I fear most will not happen. I cannot fail at this. There is too much at stake.
Thanks for listening, and I apologize (to anyone who may stumble upon this posting) for the randomness and overreacting I have done. Love you all!
-J-
PS...Before I go, I wanted to share the following picture. This afternoon I was feeling restless (as you can see by the post above) and decided to drive up into the mountains. Felt like I was on top of the world!
May 26, 2013
Job Interview - Update
As you will know, I went to Chicago two weeks ago for a job interview to teach in Abu Dhabi. I went through the interview process...it was 90 minutes! I have never been in such a long interview, but I loved the challenge. It was an awesome experience.
Well, I got an offer to go overseas to teach. I had quite a lot of time to think as I traveled home. When I got home, I realized that my work here is not done. There is so much that I left to offer my school, school system, my students, my future students, parents, and my community. I heard the voices telling me to stay for now...wait a year. So, I asked the wonderful recruiters to let me defer for a year. I will have to re-interview, but I am good with that. I will know what to expect next year.
So there you go. I am staying in the states for the year. What will the next year hold? Who knows? One thing is for sure. I am up for whatever challenges come my way.
Take care!
Joey
Well, I got an offer to go overseas to teach. I had quite a lot of time to think as I traveled home. When I got home, I realized that my work here is not done. There is so much that I left to offer my school, school system, my students, my future students, parents, and my community. I heard the voices telling me to stay for now...wait a year. So, I asked the wonderful recruiters to let me defer for a year. I will have to re-interview, but I am good with that. I will know what to expect next year.
So there you go. I am staying in the states for the year. What will the next year hold? Who knows? One thing is for sure. I am up for whatever challenges come my way.
Take care!
Joey
April 27, 2013
Look Out Chicago...Here I Come!
Currently online tonight looking for a hotel room for when I visit Chicago in two weeks. I have a job interview for a teaching position in Abu Dhabi (United Arab Emirates). Yes, the interview is in Chicago. My only options for an interview location were Houston, Chicago, or New York City. For those of you who know me, you know of my undying love of NYC, but Chicago is going to be a better option.
That is going to be on marathon weekend. On Friday, May 10, I will make the 5 hour drive to Nashville for a teacher event on Friday and Saturday. On Saturday afternoon I will make the 7 hour drive to Chicago. I will only have Sunday to play around in Chicago. The interview is on Monday morning. Then I will make the 10+ hour drive back home.
I know...I know...Why not fly? Well, the trip to Nashville was already planned. I thought about hanging out in Nashville until Monday morning, taking an early flight into Chicago, interviewing that day, taking a flight home that day, and the making the 5 hour drive home. But, I love Chicago, and wanted some extra time there. So, I will be driving like a mad man that weekend. Ugh!
I am super-excited about this interview! The prospect of teaching in Abu Dhabi for two years is exciting. I am terrified, though. This is all moving at such a fast pace. I have got to slow it down a bit and really try to make the best decision for me.
More on the job specifics later.
For my friends in Chicago...HERE I COME!
That is going to be on marathon weekend. On Friday, May 10, I will make the 5 hour drive to Nashville for a teacher event on Friday and Saturday. On Saturday afternoon I will make the 7 hour drive to Chicago. I will only have Sunday to play around in Chicago. The interview is on Monday morning. Then I will make the 10+ hour drive back home.
I know...I know...Why not fly? Well, the trip to Nashville was already planned. I thought about hanging out in Nashville until Monday morning, taking an early flight into Chicago, interviewing that day, taking a flight home that day, and the making the 5 hour drive home. But, I love Chicago, and wanted some extra time there. So, I will be driving like a mad man that weekend. Ugh!
I am super-excited about this interview! The prospect of teaching in Abu Dhabi for two years is exciting. I am terrified, though. This is all moving at such a fast pace. I have got to slow it down a bit and really try to make the best decision for me.
More on the job specifics later.
For my friends in Chicago...HERE I COME!
December 25, 2012
Not Our Typical Christmas
Christmas with my family has always been a wonderful time. In the past decade the focus of our family gatherings has shifted towards my 11 nieces and nephews. I love it. However, this Christmas has been like nothing I would have expected.
As we all know, December 14 was the day of the school shootings at Sandy Hook Elementary, in Newtown, CT. However, I also received a phone call that day that the patriarch of my extended family, my great-uncle Bob had passed away. Bob was an amazing man and role model for me. He was first and foremost a family man, an amazing Christian, and a strong advocate for public service. He taught me a great deal in my life, and he will be missed. I forgot to mention that he was married to my aunt Sarah for 62 years. I don't know what she will do without him.
So, over that weekend we dealt with Bob's death, and I also worried about how I would talk to my students on Monday about the shootings at Sandy Hook.
On Monday afternoon, as I was preparing to make the 2.5 hour drive to my hometown for uncle Bob's funeral services, I received a phone call from my dad. He told me that they had found my cousin Kelly dead from a gunshot wound at her apartment. We did not know if it was suicide or murder. The police could not definitively make a ruling until the autopsy was performed. After the autopsy was performed, the medical examiner ruled Kelly's death a suicide.
Kelly was only 32 years old. Of the four grand kids in my family (me, my cousin Del, my brother Jason, and my cousin Kelly), Kelly was the youngest. She lived a very difficult life. She was diagnosed as bipolar when she was a teenager. I can recount numerous times when she ran away from home. I remember her being put in various group homes and psychiatric hospitals throughout her teen years. Her second child, Dayesha, was killed in a car accident when she was only 2. Last year, Kelly lost custody of her other kids due to her drug and alcohol usage. I know she has had a most difficult life, but I am not using that as an excuse to justify suicide. I don't condone it in any way. It saddens me to think she thought she had no way out...no hope...no future.
Kelly was my baby girl. She being the youngest, and I being the oldest, we had a wonderful relationship with one another. I looked out for her. In the past years, I have also worked to look out for her boys. She leaves behind three sons, ages 16, 10, and 7.
So, this past week has been incredible difficult for the family. I had to stand strong for my family I also had to stand strong for my students last week. I chose not to let my students know about the deaths in my family. To them, nothing was wrong. My colleagues were great in keeping a check on me. They also understood that by working with the kids, it kept my spirits up.
The memorial service for Kelly was on Saturday. I drove the 2.5 hours home to attend the service. It was awful seeing my nephews in tears. I also saw my cousin Del breaking down. That was about all I could take. I just wanted to reach out and hug everybody.
How did this affect our family Christmas? Needless to say, our family cancelled our Christmas gathering at my Aunt Sue's house. Sue was horribly broken down by the deaths of Bob and Kelly last week. So, we chose not to have the gathering. My nieces' and nephews' presents were delivered to their grandmother's house for their family gathering.
This had a profound effect on me. I ended up pretty emotionless this week. I was not happy or sad. I was just here! I didn't know how I would be spending Christmas. I had even thought I would just not get out of the house for Christmas. However, I decided to meet my dad, sister, aunt and uncles for dinner on Christmas Eve at a restaurant close to Dad's house. It was nice just to get out of the house and out with the family. We all needed that. I spend the night at Dad's house so we could spend Christmas morning together. Dad cooked his traditional Christmas breakfast for us. It was simple and nice. I had a chance to visit with my mom and stepdad today, which I also needed. A boy needs his mom...especially in times like these!
This Christmas was unlike any previous Christmas in my family. It is something we will never forget, but it is also something we never want to go through again during the holidays. I am blessed to have a close-knit and strong family. We will prevail and life will move forward. We will be there for each other, and that is the best gift of all throughout the year.
I pray that each of you had a blessed holiday. Take care of each other.
Love you all!
Joey
As we all know, December 14 was the day of the school shootings at Sandy Hook Elementary, in Newtown, CT. However, I also received a phone call that day that the patriarch of my extended family, my great-uncle Bob had passed away. Bob was an amazing man and role model for me. He was first and foremost a family man, an amazing Christian, and a strong advocate for public service. He taught me a great deal in my life, and he will be missed. I forgot to mention that he was married to my aunt Sarah for 62 years. I don't know what she will do without him.
So, over that weekend we dealt with Bob's death, and I also worried about how I would talk to my students on Monday about the shootings at Sandy Hook.
On Monday afternoon, as I was preparing to make the 2.5 hour drive to my hometown for uncle Bob's funeral services, I received a phone call from my dad. He told me that they had found my cousin Kelly dead from a gunshot wound at her apartment. We did not know if it was suicide or murder. The police could not definitively make a ruling until the autopsy was performed. After the autopsy was performed, the medical examiner ruled Kelly's death a suicide.
Kelly was only 32 years old. Of the four grand kids in my family (me, my cousin Del, my brother Jason, and my cousin Kelly), Kelly was the youngest. She lived a very difficult life. She was diagnosed as bipolar when she was a teenager. I can recount numerous times when she ran away from home. I remember her being put in various group homes and psychiatric hospitals throughout her teen years. Her second child, Dayesha, was killed in a car accident when she was only 2. Last year, Kelly lost custody of her other kids due to her drug and alcohol usage. I know she has had a most difficult life, but I am not using that as an excuse to justify suicide. I don't condone it in any way. It saddens me to think she thought she had no way out...no hope...no future.
Kelly was my baby girl. She being the youngest, and I being the oldest, we had a wonderful relationship with one another. I looked out for her. In the past years, I have also worked to look out for her boys. She leaves behind three sons, ages 16, 10, and 7.
So, this past week has been incredible difficult for the family. I had to stand strong for my family I also had to stand strong for my students last week. I chose not to let my students know about the deaths in my family. To them, nothing was wrong. My colleagues were great in keeping a check on me. They also understood that by working with the kids, it kept my spirits up.
The memorial service for Kelly was on Saturday. I drove the 2.5 hours home to attend the service. It was awful seeing my nephews in tears. I also saw my cousin Del breaking down. That was about all I could take. I just wanted to reach out and hug everybody.
How did this affect our family Christmas? Needless to say, our family cancelled our Christmas gathering at my Aunt Sue's house. Sue was horribly broken down by the deaths of Bob and Kelly last week. So, we chose not to have the gathering. My nieces' and nephews' presents were delivered to their grandmother's house for their family gathering.
This had a profound effect on me. I ended up pretty emotionless this week. I was not happy or sad. I was just here! I didn't know how I would be spending Christmas. I had even thought I would just not get out of the house for Christmas. However, I decided to meet my dad, sister, aunt and uncles for dinner on Christmas Eve at a restaurant close to Dad's house. It was nice just to get out of the house and out with the family. We all needed that. I spend the night at Dad's house so we could spend Christmas morning together. Dad cooked his traditional Christmas breakfast for us. It was simple and nice. I had a chance to visit with my mom and stepdad today, which I also needed. A boy needs his mom...especially in times like these!
This Christmas was unlike any previous Christmas in my family. It is something we will never forget, but it is also something we never want to go through again during the holidays. I am blessed to have a close-knit and strong family. We will prevail and life will move forward. We will be there for each other, and that is the best gift of all throughout the year.
I pray that each of you had a blessed holiday. Take care of each other.
Love you all!
Joey
November 26, 2012
It's Nice to Feel Appreciated
It is only Monday, and I am already exhausted!
I have spent much of today working on an application for a supplemental job with the state department of education. Our state is hiring teachers across the state to be "coaches" of the new common core standards. My principal asked me to apply, so I have been working on that marathon of an application all day. I did not leave the school until 7:30 tonight.
My principal wrote a letter of recommendation for me, and I got the chance to read it today. I honestly came close to shedding tears. It was an incredible letter, so I wanted to share with you. It is below:
To Whom It May Concern:
I am pleased to recommend Joe XXXXXX for the position of Core Coach for the state of XXXXXX. Mr. XXXXXX possesses the skills needed to be successful as a Core Coach. He is one of our best teachers at XXXXXX Intermediate School, a school that is known throughout the state of consistently producing excellent results. Mr. XXXXXX is highly motivated and extremely competent. He possesses the rare combination of being a building leader, yet has the ability to collaborate successfully with his colleagues. Year in and year out his students achieve some of the best results in our building. In addition to a high achievement rate, his value-added scores are at a level five. He would be an excellent addition to the team of Core Coaches for our state.
Mr. XXXXXX serves the XXXXXX Intermediate community in numerous ways. He currently sits on the Leadership Team for the school. In addition, he served on the Transition Team that steered our campus from a 6-7 grade level configuration to a 5-6 grade level configuration. During the time of change, Mr. XXXXXX brought solutions and ideas to make the change successful for the students, parents, and teachers. Many times throughout the process, he volunteered to develop or create new procedures or structures that set up our school community for success. Our transition to 5-6 campus has been extremely smooth. Mr. XXXXXX gets the complexity of change. I believe this skill set will serve the state extremely well during the transition to common core standards.
Mr. XXXXXX also serves the building as our 6th grade department leader for Science. Last year during the implementation of the new evaluation system, he worked closely with our other seven sixth grade science teachers to take existing lesson plans, and create plans that were much more rigorous for our students. It was no surprise when results came back from the state that our 6th grade science scores improved from 72% proficient and advanced to 81% proficient and advanced. The rate of growth in one year is exceptional. The team did phenomenal under Mr. XXXXXX's leadership. In addition, and not surprisingly, he had the highest percentage of proficient and advanced of all our 6th grade science teachers.
Mr. XXXXXX's work ethic is to be respected. I have been working in education for 16 years and have not worked with another teacher so devoted. He arrives early and stays late. Not only does he provide excellent lessons for his students, but he assists numerous teachers behind the scenes. Our faculty trusts him and knows he will lead them in right direction. He gives of his time freely. Mr. XXXXXX is always willing to help out with a music concert, PTA event, or faculty meeting presentation. One thing that has impressed me most is his ability to work with student data. He has used benchmark results, formative assessments, and TCAPs to guide his instruction. He has the ability to create easy to read and understand charts about the progress of his students.
Mr. XXXXXX is a beloved teacher on our campus. Students enjoy his presentation style. He makes each student successful by his ability to plan and learn from data. It is without hesitation, that I recommend Mr. XXXXXX for a XXXXXX Core Coach. He will be an asset to the state as he is an asset to XXXXXX Intermediate.
I have spent much of today working on an application for a supplemental job with the state department of education. Our state is hiring teachers across the state to be "coaches" of the new common core standards. My principal asked me to apply, so I have been working on that marathon of an application all day. I did not leave the school until 7:30 tonight.
My principal wrote a letter of recommendation for me, and I got the chance to read it today. I honestly came close to shedding tears. It was an incredible letter, so I wanted to share with you. It is below:
To Whom It May Concern:
I am pleased to recommend Joe XXXXXX for the position of Core Coach for the state of XXXXXX. Mr. XXXXXX possesses the skills needed to be successful as a Core Coach. He is one of our best teachers at XXXXXX Intermediate School, a school that is known throughout the state of consistently producing excellent results. Mr. XXXXXX is highly motivated and extremely competent. He possesses the rare combination of being a building leader, yet has the ability to collaborate successfully with his colleagues. Year in and year out his students achieve some of the best results in our building. In addition to a high achievement rate, his value-added scores are at a level five. He would be an excellent addition to the team of Core Coaches for our state.
Mr. XXXXXX serves the XXXXXX Intermediate community in numerous ways. He currently sits on the Leadership Team for the school. In addition, he served on the Transition Team that steered our campus from a 6-7 grade level configuration to a 5-6 grade level configuration. During the time of change, Mr. XXXXXX brought solutions and ideas to make the change successful for the students, parents, and teachers. Many times throughout the process, he volunteered to develop or create new procedures or structures that set up our school community for success. Our transition to 5-6 campus has been extremely smooth. Mr. XXXXXX gets the complexity of change. I believe this skill set will serve the state extremely well during the transition to common core standards.
Mr. XXXXXX also serves the building as our 6th grade department leader for Science. Last year during the implementation of the new evaluation system, he worked closely with our other seven sixth grade science teachers to take existing lesson plans, and create plans that were much more rigorous for our students. It was no surprise when results came back from the state that our 6th grade science scores improved from 72% proficient and advanced to 81% proficient and advanced. The rate of growth in one year is exceptional. The team did phenomenal under Mr. XXXXXX's leadership. In addition, and not surprisingly, he had the highest percentage of proficient and advanced of all our 6th grade science teachers.
Mr. XXXXXX's work ethic is to be respected. I have been working in education for 16 years and have not worked with another teacher so devoted. He arrives early and stays late. Not only does he provide excellent lessons for his students, but he assists numerous teachers behind the scenes. Our faculty trusts him and knows he will lead them in right direction. He gives of his time freely. Mr. XXXXXX is always willing to help out with a music concert, PTA event, or faculty meeting presentation. One thing that has impressed me most is his ability to work with student data. He has used benchmark results, formative assessments, and TCAPs to guide his instruction. He has the ability to create easy to read and understand charts about the progress of his students.
Mr. XXXXXX is a beloved teacher on our campus. Students enjoy his presentation style. He makes each student successful by his ability to plan and learn from data. It is without hesitation, that I recommend Mr. XXXXXX for a XXXXXX Core Coach. He will be an asset to the state as he is an asset to XXXXXX Intermediate.
Pardon all the Xs in the letter.
I seriously am not trying to boast in any way. That is not my style. I just wanted to share the joy with you. It is not everyday we get told such wonderful things about ourselves by those around us. It just makes you feel special from time to time. I wish everyone could get a letter just as nice written about them.
Hope everyone is having a great start to their week!
Nothing but love, my friends!
Joey
November 13, 2012
Shane and Tom
FAIR WARNING: Get some tissue ready before you watch this video. You will most certainly need it!
I was in the Nashville area this past weekend for a conference. As I laid in bed at my beautiful hotel on Friday night, I could not sleep. I don't know what it was, but I just could not force myself to go to sleep. So, I decided to get on the iPad for a bit to look around Facebook, emails, etc. I don't even remember how I got to a link of this video. However, I remember watching it three consecutive times. I couldn't break myself away from it. I was so moved by what I was watching that I spent the next few hours researching the video, the incredible man in the video, and the story behind the video. What I found brought me to uncontrollable tears.
Tragically, Tom died unexpectedly on May 7, 2011 when he fell 4-stories from a roof while taking pictures of a friend. Shane's world was instantly flipped upside down.
Tom's mom flew to California to collect Tom's body and take him back to Indiana for a funeral and burial. She convinced Shane to pay for the transport of Tom's body back to Indiana and the cost of the funeral. Shane relented. What makes this story even more tragic is that Shane was forbidden to attend Tom's funeral and burial. He didn't get to say his last goodbyes. In fact, he was threatened by Tom's dad and family if he were to show up.
Since last Friday, I have not been able to get this video, Shane's story, and Shane's journey out of my mind. It has had a profound effect on me over the past few days.
You see, I have not always given much thought to marriage equality. It is not that I didn't believe in equal rights. Far from it. I believe the reason I was so removed from the topic is that I didn't quite understand the ramifications of a legal marriage for all. Shane and Tom's story have put this into a whole new light. I now understand that even something as a civil partnership or civil union would not allow couples the same rights as a legally married couple. In Shane and Tom's case, Shane would have been able to make medical decisions for Tom, he could have gotten information about the events in the hospital that are now kept from him, and he could have arranged a cremation and funeral service for Tom in California, which was his wish. He could have done all of these things if he was legally recognized as Tom's husband. Sadly, the citizens of California approved Prop 8 several years ago, which means Tom and Shane were not able to get married as they wanted. It is time for us all to stand up and fight for legal marriages for all couples in the United States. It is time for the discrimination to stop.
Shane, I don't know if you will ever find this blog or this post. However, if you were to ever read this, please know that I am so incredible sorry for the loss of Tom. I cannot imagine the pain you have had to endure since losing the love of your life. I wish I had the words to say. Please know that you have the love and support of so many people you may never know of get to meet. It is my prayer for you to be able to use this tragic event for some good in the world. I know the love you and Tom shared will never die. That type of love transcends this Earth, and will last for eternity. Tom will always be with you in your heart. It is not the same as having him physically by your side, but he will never be far away. I have no doubt that you can sense his presence around you as you carry on in life. You know Tom would not want you to be so sad in life. He would want only the best for you that this life has to offer. And, when this life fades, you will most certainly find Tom waiting for you to join him at the pearly gates of Heaven. A love for eternity! And, thank you to you and Tom for helping me to see what true love can really be in this life. I will forever be in your debt for that incredible gift.
On a side note, the video and song below were written for Tom. It was written and sung by Colleen McMahon in tribute of Tom Bridegroom. I have played this song more times over the past few days than I care to admit. The love in this song is undeniable.
November 8, 2012
Speechless...
Got home from work tonight and popped over to Facebook for a moment just to check messages and a few updates. One of the updates on my feed made me get up and do a little dance. Okay, so I didn't literally get up and dance, but I could have easily done so.
What made me so excited, you may ask! I found out that one of my favorite Broadway stars will soon be starring in a musical I am more than anxious to see.
Yes, I have had a "crush" on Matt since I had the chance to see him in Spring Awakening on Broadway a couple times. (Only a few friends know of this! Well, now more will know.) This gives me another reason to get my rear end back up to New York City!
Just felt the need to share!
What made me so excited, you may ask! I found out that one of my favorite Broadway stars will soon be starring in a musical I am more than anxious to see.
Yes, I have had a "crush" on Matt since I had the chance to see him in Spring Awakening on Broadway a couple times. (Only a few friends know of this! Well, now more will know.) This gives me another reason to get my rear end back up to New York City!
Just felt the need to share!
November 6, 2012
October 20, 2012
Whose Closet???
First off, I rarely find time to read a book simply for my own personal joy of it. During the school year, my time is pretty full with papers to grade, lesson plans to write, parents to call/visit, being the face of the teachers as the association president, and the list goes on and on! Every now and then, I catch the glimpse of a book that peaks my interest. This week was one of those times.
Last week I read an article that was spreading across the web, Facebook, ABC news, etc. It was about a man from Tennessee who made the commitment to live as a gay man for exactly one year. That's right, you read it correctly! This straight, uber-conservative, Jerry Falwell-type Christian man from the heart of the Bible Belt decided to live a complete year as gay.
As someone who has lived in Tennessee his entire life, I know many people like Tim. Not to mention that I completely identify and understand his upbringing in the church. So, I instantly knew where he was coming from in his life. However, I was blown away by the fact that he would choose to turn his life upside down to live as a gay man. I had to get this book.
Thank goodness for my iPad. The book was only a click away. I tore through this book over the past 24 hours. (Yes, I actually found the time to read an entire book. It doesn't happen often!) I saw in utter amazement at the events that led up to Tim's decision to conduct this "experiment."
Given that I don't want to give you the details of the book. I will just say that it was easy to feel the pain, anguish, fear, and love throughout this book. I just couldn't put it down. I wanted to know about Tim's year. Let's just say there are some events that take place during Tim's year that can only described as either divine intervention or insane irony.
I will think about writing my response to this book after I have had time to process it. For now, I just wanted to give you an idea of the next book to read.
Last week I read an article that was spreading across the web, Facebook, ABC news, etc. It was about a man from Tennessee who made the commitment to live as a gay man for exactly one year. That's right, you read it correctly! This straight, uber-conservative, Jerry Falwell-type Christian man from the heart of the Bible Belt decided to live a complete year as gay.
As someone who has lived in Tennessee his entire life, I know many people like Tim. Not to mention that I completely identify and understand his upbringing in the church. So, I instantly knew where he was coming from in his life. However, I was blown away by the fact that he would choose to turn his life upside down to live as a gay man. I had to get this book.
Thank goodness for my iPad. The book was only a click away. I tore through this book over the past 24 hours. (Yes, I actually found the time to read an entire book. It doesn't happen often!) I saw in utter amazement at the events that led up to Tim's decision to conduct this "experiment."
Given that I don't want to give you the details of the book. I will just say that it was easy to feel the pain, anguish, fear, and love throughout this book. I just couldn't put it down. I wanted to know about Tim's year. Let's just say there are some events that take place during Tim's year that can only described as either divine intervention or insane irony.
I will think about writing my response to this book after I have had time to process it. For now, I just wanted to give you an idea of the next book to read.
October 14, 2012
Holding Hands and Ingrid
For two years I have been dying to see Ingrid Michaelson in concert. Two years ago I had 2nd row tickets to see her in concert, but I ended up having to be out of town that weekend. I was crushed. Finally, Ingrid rolled into Knoxville last night and put on a most incredible concert.
The only low point of the experience was the two girls sitting next to me. They couldn't have been older than 17 or 18. They were making fun of people around us in the theater. It took all the strength I had not to say something to them. Instead, I chose to enjoy the concert.
During the concert something caught my eye, and it kept my attention for quite a while. Sitting behind me and slightly to the left were these two guys. They obviously are in a relationship. How did I know that? It was pretty clear when they were holding hands through some of Ingrid's romantic-type songs. Being the polite Southerner that I am, I did not conspicuously turn completely around and stare. Luckily, my peripheral vision is excellent, so I watched out the corner of my eye.
Yes, I found it to be very "cute" and romantic. I just sat back, enjoyed the incredible music and coyly smiled at the thought of these two guys behind me in love and holding hands.
Growing up in what I call the "buckle of the Bible Belt," seeing two guys holding hands in public is something I never expect to see. Just a few years ago they would have been ridiculed. But, that was not the case this time. I know several other people around us all noticed them. I even saw many of these people smiling once they saw it too. I am amazed and thrilled at the fact that even in the South a gay couple can be in public holding hands. It says a lot of how far my beloved South has come.
Am I saying that it is the same everywhere in the South...absolutely not. However, the more urban areas of the South, such as Knoxville, seem to be transitioning in the life of the cities.
I will be totally honest. I was somewhat saddened and jealous at the same time. I saw this young couple (maybe 23 or 24...man, I feel old) of guys can be open in their love for one another. While I had hope and happiness in my heart, I found myself longing for the same thing. I look back at the journey of my life, and it is hard to imagine how my life would be different if I were able to come out to myself and others in my early 20s instead of waiting until I was 30.
I know I am tough on myself, and that is something I am used to at this point. However, I know that I have got to make some changes in my life if I want to be able to finally open up to a future relationship(s). I have to realize that it is perfectly okay to open up and love someone.
Just wanted to share this little bit with you. I realize now that there is hope for the South.
Take care!
Joey
The only low point of the experience was the two girls sitting next to me. They couldn't have been older than 17 or 18. They were making fun of people around us in the theater. It took all the strength I had not to say something to them. Instead, I chose to enjoy the concert.
During the concert something caught my eye, and it kept my attention for quite a while. Sitting behind me and slightly to the left were these two guys. They obviously are in a relationship. How did I know that? It was pretty clear when they were holding hands through some of Ingrid's romantic-type songs. Being the polite Southerner that I am, I did not conspicuously turn completely around and stare. Luckily, my peripheral vision is excellent, so I watched out the corner of my eye.
Yes, I found it to be very "cute" and romantic. I just sat back, enjoyed the incredible music and coyly smiled at the thought of these two guys behind me in love and holding hands.
Growing up in what I call the "buckle of the Bible Belt," seeing two guys holding hands in public is something I never expect to see. Just a few years ago they would have been ridiculed. But, that was not the case this time. I know several other people around us all noticed them. I even saw many of these people smiling once they saw it too. I am amazed and thrilled at the fact that even in the South a gay couple can be in public holding hands. It says a lot of how far my beloved South has come.
Am I saying that it is the same everywhere in the South...absolutely not. However, the more urban areas of the South, such as Knoxville, seem to be transitioning in the life of the cities.
I will be totally honest. I was somewhat saddened and jealous at the same time. I saw this young couple (maybe 23 or 24...man, I feel old) of guys can be open in their love for one another. While I had hope and happiness in my heart, I found myself longing for the same thing. I look back at the journey of my life, and it is hard to imagine how my life would be different if I were able to come out to myself and others in my early 20s instead of waiting until I was 30.
I know I am tough on myself, and that is something I am used to at this point. However, I know that I have got to make some changes in my life if I want to be able to finally open up to a future relationship(s). I have to realize that it is perfectly okay to open up and love someone.
Just wanted to share this little bit with you. I realize now that there is hope for the South.
Take care!
Joey
September 15, 2012
Challenges Ahead
For the record, I don't enjoy talking about my emotions! This has been somewhat of a challenge in my life. I have never been one to show a great deal of negative emotion. You would never know I was angry, upset, or downright depressed. I have become a master (or at least I thought so) of hiding my emotions from the world. I don't have the luxury of being depressed, angry, upset, etc...especially when I am at work. I teach 6th graders that need me everyday. I cannot be a source of negativity in their lives. So, I put up walls and shield my emotions.
This all came to a head this week. For the past 6+ months, I have been battling a depression that I cannot seem to get past. It has been a very rough time. I basically have been going to work, staying late each day, and coming home. When I get home, I virtually lock myself in the house and block the outside world. I have felt trapped in this rut. I have felt like a prisoner in my own house. Thus, the depression has been difficult to fight.
I finally decided to go see a doctor for help. I went to a local, and very well respected psychiatrist here in town. We had quite the discussion about present life, work, home life, hobbies, etc. Then we got into family history, childhood, my teenage years, college, and beyond.
At the end of the session the doctor delivered some very interesting thoughts. He said it was obvious that I am ADD/ADHD. My only thought was "NO S#!%." He thinks that my ADD/ADHD can be a contributing factor to my depression.
Then came a blow to my psyche! The doctor seems to think I could have Bipolar II disorder. I was sitting there freaking out in my own head. I have a cousin who has is bipolar. I thought, "I am nothing like her." Then the doctor explained the difference between what my cousin has and the type of bipolar disorder he thinks I have.
We discussed a number of options. He has given me two weeks to do my own research on the disorder and a number of treatment options. I like being able to look everything up and to be part of the decision for treatment.
I left the doctor and went straight to the school to get work done. However, the only problem was that I was in panic mode. I couldn't think of anything else except what the doctor had told me. I just went home and locked myself up for the night. All evening long I was in panic mode. My mind was racing with various scenarios. I could not get settled down.
I had to go to work the next day. That meant I had to put on the brave face, all for the sake of my kids. However, all week long I have had these thoughts in the back of my mind.
Now I am left wondering what to do. The whole idea of medication gives me chills. I have never been one who likes to be medicated. In my mind, it means I cannot take care of myself. It means I have failed on some level to manage my life. However, I am working through those struggles trying to decide what to do.
The simple truth is that I need to get my life back on track. I need to recover and take the world by storm! There is so much more I need to accomplish, and this is an unacceptable roadblock.
For those of you that pray, I sure could use your prayers!
Love you, friends!
Joey
This all came to a head this week. For the past 6+ months, I have been battling a depression that I cannot seem to get past. It has been a very rough time. I basically have been going to work, staying late each day, and coming home. When I get home, I virtually lock myself in the house and block the outside world. I have felt trapped in this rut. I have felt like a prisoner in my own house. Thus, the depression has been difficult to fight.
I finally decided to go see a doctor for help. I went to a local, and very well respected psychiatrist here in town. We had quite the discussion about present life, work, home life, hobbies, etc. Then we got into family history, childhood, my teenage years, college, and beyond.
At the end of the session the doctor delivered some very interesting thoughts. He said it was obvious that I am ADD/ADHD. My only thought was "NO S#!%." He thinks that my ADD/ADHD can be a contributing factor to my depression.
Then came a blow to my psyche! The doctor seems to think I could have Bipolar II disorder. I was sitting there freaking out in my own head. I have a cousin who has is bipolar. I thought, "I am nothing like her." Then the doctor explained the difference between what my cousin has and the type of bipolar disorder he thinks I have.
We discussed a number of options. He has given me two weeks to do my own research on the disorder and a number of treatment options. I like being able to look everything up and to be part of the decision for treatment.
I left the doctor and went straight to the school to get work done. However, the only problem was that I was in panic mode. I couldn't think of anything else except what the doctor had told me. I just went home and locked myself up for the night. All evening long I was in panic mode. My mind was racing with various scenarios. I could not get settled down.
I had to go to work the next day. That meant I had to put on the brave face, all for the sake of my kids. However, all week long I have had these thoughts in the back of my mind.
Now I am left wondering what to do. The whole idea of medication gives me chills. I have never been one who likes to be medicated. In my mind, it means I cannot take care of myself. It means I have failed on some level to manage my life. However, I am working through those struggles trying to decide what to do.
The simple truth is that I need to get my life back on track. I need to recover and take the world by storm! There is so much more I need to accomplish, and this is an unacceptable roadblock.
For those of you that pray, I sure could use your prayers!
Love you, friends!
Joey
September 2, 2012
Patrik 1.5
Tonight I decided to look on Netflix for a movie I had yet to see. This movie, Patrik Age 1.5, came across my recommended movies. I looked up the summary of the movie and was instantly intrigued.
You can judge for yourself, but I loved this movie...even if it is in Swedish.
August 27, 2012
My Sordid Past
We all have things in our past that make us cringe at time. Here is mine.
Oh, friends, I kid you not! This show taped every Friday evening and Saturday morning from the time I was in high school through some of my college years. We taped two shows on Friday night, and most of us were back on Saturday morning to tape the remaining three shows for a week's set. It was a blast and I loved it. However, I take a lot of flack from friends when they discover I used to do this. It's all fun!
Thankfully, you will not find me on this video. (Believe me, I have been watching it back and forth making sure I am out of it!) Thus endeth the show and tell!
Oh, friends, I kid you not! This show taped every Friday evening and Saturday morning from the time I was in high school through some of my college years. We taped two shows on Friday night, and most of us were back on Saturday morning to tape the remaining three shows for a week's set. It was a blast and I loved it. However, I take a lot of flack from friends when they discover I used to do this. It's all fun!
Thankfully, you will not find me on this video. (Believe me, I have been watching it back and forth making sure I am out of it!) Thus endeth the show and tell!
August 8, 2012
A New Year Has Begun
Summer is over! School is back in session!
That's right. We began our new school year today. The past week leading up to this day have been a roller coaster of emotions. I am always excited to begin a new school year. New kids...new parents...new adventures!
Last week, I learned that my teammate and I will have 17 special education students on our team of just 50 kids. That means that approximately 1 in 3 of my kids have a learning disability or other disability that affects their learning. Last Tuesday I was going into panic mode at this discovery. My teammate and I met with one of our 6 special education teachers. She is the case manager for our 17 kids. She was going through each child's needs. The more I heard, the greater the weight I was feeling on my shoulders.
At the end of the meeting, I felt myself getting sick. I was nauseous, and I even had to dash to the restroom to vomit. A panic/anxiety attack was in full force. I actually went into the school's clinic to lay down for a bit. I was just so overwhelmed by it all. At 3PM, I went home and curled up in a ball on my couch. Can you say "fetal position?"
The next morning, I could not get out of bed. I was emotionally frozen. I didn't want to move. Finally, around 9 AM, I was able to pull myself out of bed, into the shower, and then off to school. When I arrived at the school, I immediately went into my assistant principal's office to talk with her. She asked if I was okay. Apparently, I looked awful. I just shook my head that I wasn't okay, and at that point I broke down in her office.
She looked shocked. My AP couldn't figure out what was wrong. I told her that I was having such great doubt about my ability to be an effective teacher this year given the enormity of the number of kids in my class that are classified as special ed. (Did I mention some hallways don't have a single special education student?!?!) Donna (my AP) told me that we were selected for this group of kids because they had great faith in our abilities as teachers. They saw my test scores at the end of the last year, and knew I could get results from my special ed kids.
I finally calmed myself down and talk about the kids. I told her I would take it one day at a time.
I don't really want to get into all the information about my special ed kids, because the list is so lengthy. However, there is one that I want to share with you.
I was told I will have a 6th grade boy who has muscular distrophy (I cannot remember the specifics just yet). We were told that his condition had worsened over the past year. In fact, he had gained over 100 pounds in just the past 12 months due to his condition. We were told that doctors are giving him less than a year to live. They told us that his anger level has escalated as he has come to better understand the finality of his life. He has given up on academics.
I told my principal that the only fear I have ever had as a teacher is to have a student that I am teaching to pass away. I don't know how or if I would be able to handle it. I don't know if I could mentally and emotionally get myself under control to help care for my other kids. It sends chills down my spine just thinking about it now.
This was all last week. We had a meet and greet event last Thursday to get a preview of some of the kids and parents we would have this year. I have to admit that my anxiety level dropped after getting to meet some of the incredible kids that came to the meet and greet. It helped me prepare myself for today.
This morning, around 7:50 I received word that my MD student arrived at the school, and that he would soon be down my hall. From what I had heard before today, I was expecting a student in horrible shape who could barely get around. Boy was I surprised.
Jackson (name changed for anonymity) rolled into my classroom. He was obviously nervous. However, when he saw a student he knew, he began to relax and open up. Throughout the day he was participating in class, raising his hand, laughing, contributing, etc.
This was not the student I was expecting. I was shocked, but more than pleasantly surprised. I spoke to to his physical therapist who is now located at our school. She said she had not seen this side of Jackson. She was more than thrilled by this.
After school today I spoke with Donna about Jackson. She said she was also not expecting what she saw today. She spoke with Jackson outside at the buses this afternoon. He told her he was nervous this morning, but he was loving this school. He said he loved being in my class.
I will be honest with you...that right there made my day, week, and year. I was just happy to be able to make this kid smile and bring some semblance of joy to this kids life.
I was speaking with another colleague this evening, and she said it was amazing to think we never know why certain kids cross our classroom doorways. We don't know why we were the ones chosen to be in their lives. It really got me to thinking about why I became a teacher. I became a teacher because I wanted to make a difference in the lives of the children I meet and teach. I lost sight of that in the panic and anxiety of last week. Somehow, getting to meet Jackson today, and seeing how happy he was with us...even if only for a short time, really put it all into perspective. I know now that I will continue to do just that. I will work my butt off day in and day out to make sure my students get the very best education possible. I will be there for them when they need that extra bit of support and joy in their lives. With me, they will be protected and thrive in my care!
So, it was a rough start last week. However, today brought new surprises and a few miracles that I needed to see to know I am in the right place.
Till next time!
That's right. We began our new school year today. The past week leading up to this day have been a roller coaster of emotions. I am always excited to begin a new school year. New kids...new parents...new adventures!
Last week, I learned that my teammate and I will have 17 special education students on our team of just 50 kids. That means that approximately 1 in 3 of my kids have a learning disability or other disability that affects their learning. Last Tuesday I was going into panic mode at this discovery. My teammate and I met with one of our 6 special education teachers. She is the case manager for our 17 kids. She was going through each child's needs. The more I heard, the greater the weight I was feeling on my shoulders.
At the end of the meeting, I felt myself getting sick. I was nauseous, and I even had to dash to the restroom to vomit. A panic/anxiety attack was in full force. I actually went into the school's clinic to lay down for a bit. I was just so overwhelmed by it all. At 3PM, I went home and curled up in a ball on my couch. Can you say "fetal position?"
The next morning, I could not get out of bed. I was emotionally frozen. I didn't want to move. Finally, around 9 AM, I was able to pull myself out of bed, into the shower, and then off to school. When I arrived at the school, I immediately went into my assistant principal's office to talk with her. She asked if I was okay. Apparently, I looked awful. I just shook my head that I wasn't okay, and at that point I broke down in her office.
She looked shocked. My AP couldn't figure out what was wrong. I told her that I was having such great doubt about my ability to be an effective teacher this year given the enormity of the number of kids in my class that are classified as special ed. (Did I mention some hallways don't have a single special education student?!?!) Donna (my AP) told me that we were selected for this group of kids because they had great faith in our abilities as teachers. They saw my test scores at the end of the last year, and knew I could get results from my special ed kids.
I finally calmed myself down and talk about the kids. I told her I would take it one day at a time.
I don't really want to get into all the information about my special ed kids, because the list is so lengthy. However, there is one that I want to share with you.
I was told I will have a 6th grade boy who has muscular distrophy (I cannot remember the specifics just yet). We were told that his condition had worsened over the past year. In fact, he had gained over 100 pounds in just the past 12 months due to his condition. We were told that doctors are giving him less than a year to live. They told us that his anger level has escalated as he has come to better understand the finality of his life. He has given up on academics.
I told my principal that the only fear I have ever had as a teacher is to have a student that I am teaching to pass away. I don't know how or if I would be able to handle it. I don't know if I could mentally and emotionally get myself under control to help care for my other kids. It sends chills down my spine just thinking about it now.
This was all last week. We had a meet and greet event last Thursday to get a preview of some of the kids and parents we would have this year. I have to admit that my anxiety level dropped after getting to meet some of the incredible kids that came to the meet and greet. It helped me prepare myself for today.
This morning, around 7:50 I received word that my MD student arrived at the school, and that he would soon be down my hall. From what I had heard before today, I was expecting a student in horrible shape who could barely get around. Boy was I surprised.
Jackson (name changed for anonymity) rolled into my classroom. He was obviously nervous. However, when he saw a student he knew, he began to relax and open up. Throughout the day he was participating in class, raising his hand, laughing, contributing, etc.
This was not the student I was expecting. I was shocked, but more than pleasantly surprised. I spoke to to his physical therapist who is now located at our school. She said she had not seen this side of Jackson. She was more than thrilled by this.
After school today I spoke with Donna about Jackson. She said she was also not expecting what she saw today. She spoke with Jackson outside at the buses this afternoon. He told her he was nervous this morning, but he was loving this school. He said he loved being in my class.
I will be honest with you...that right there made my day, week, and year. I was just happy to be able to make this kid smile and bring some semblance of joy to this kids life.
I was speaking with another colleague this evening, and she said it was amazing to think we never know why certain kids cross our classroom doorways. We don't know why we were the ones chosen to be in their lives. It really got me to thinking about why I became a teacher. I became a teacher because I wanted to make a difference in the lives of the children I meet and teach. I lost sight of that in the panic and anxiety of last week. Somehow, getting to meet Jackson today, and seeing how happy he was with us...even if only for a short time, really put it all into perspective. I know now that I will continue to do just that. I will work my butt off day in and day out to make sure my students get the very best education possible. I will be there for them when they need that extra bit of support and joy in their lives. With me, they will be protected and thrive in my care!
So, it was a rough start last week. However, today brought new surprises and a few miracles that I needed to see to know I am in the right place.
Till next time!
July 8, 2012
Greetings, friends!
What a week it has been. On Friday evening I arrived home from an 8-day trip to our nation's capital. I have been attending a conference with about 10,000 other teachers from across the country...and the world. We have had the best time, and there is so much to share. However, all in due time!
There is an aspect of my trip that I want to share with you.
As part of the teacher organization, we have a number of caucus groups that strive to have their agenda included within the operations, belief statements, and missions of our organization. I am a member of several caucuses because I believe in the work they do and the support they provide. One caucus, in particular, led to some pretty heavy discussions this week.
I am a member of the GLBT caucus within our organization. I joined the caucus because I believe in equal rights for ALL. (For this same reason, I am a member of other caucuses.) I also joined the caucus so that I could relate to other educators in the same boat as I.
During this year's assembly, there were a number of new business items that were written. I also discovered that the GLBT caucus had asked a few of them to be amended. One new business item that comes to mind was written so our organization would actively work to support ethnic minorities in education. However, it seemed that the GLBT caucus wanted protections for GLBTQ students/teachers included. There was a great amount of discussion around this new business item, much around the inclusion of the GLBTQ clause.
As an organization, our association has worked hard for protections for GLBTQ students and educators. This has been part of our association's business for a number of years. However, I found myself on the opposite side of the line against my caucus' position. There was an amendment that would change the clause from GLBTQ students and faculty to the word ALL. It was felt that the use of ALL would include everyone without singling out a specific group, especially since this original business item was meant for protection of ETHNIC minorities.
The reason I bring all of this up is a precursor to a conversation I had later that evening with my friend, Karen.
Karen is a fellow teacher from my school system here in Tennessee. We have been great friends for several years. In fact, I came out to her while we were attending this same conference several years ago when it was in San Diego. She has been there through the years, and vice versa. So, she tends to know me pretty well.
That evening, we decided to go to dinner and take a night walk through the national monuments. (It truly is the best way to experience them!) We went to dinner at a very yummy Indian cuisine restaurant in Georgetown. After dinner we walked to the Metro (aka the subway) and the talk ensued.
In our discussion, we were talking about the activities surrounding this new business item, and the GLBT caucus' bringing forth the amendment. I made a statement to Karen that I do not always agree with the members of the caucus. I made it a point that I am often times uncomfortable with the GLBT caucus always trying to push an agenda that could possibly alienate others.
Now, before anyone decides to chastise me for that statement, let me explain. I do believe in equal rights for everyone under the law. I also believe that beyond equal rights, I also believe that we all need to love and accept one another. I have found through the years that trying to force someone to accept you will never work.
Somehow this conversation led to a discussion of me being comfortable within the GLBT caucus and the GLBT community. The truth is that I am not comfortable. That is hard for me to say, because I know that some will take issue with that. However, please understand that I am still not comfortable within my own skin. I don't consider the fact that I am gay to be the driving identifier in my life. For some reason, I felt like that is driving force behind the caucus, and that has led to my discomfort with them.
I made a statement to Karen that really shook me up. I told her that although I identify myself as gay, I don't believe that I will ever find love with another guy. I told her I have resorted to the realization that I am destined to live my life alone and without a significant other. Even as I write this, I find it hard to read. It is, however, exactly how I feel about my life.
Does this make me sad? Yes, but only when I give it great thought. In reality, I have never felt romantic/emotional love for another. Would I know what it felt like if I had...I would hope so. But, to this point in life...no true feeling of love for another. Consequently, I have great love for my friends and family, but I don't feel that would be the same thing.
The discussion with Karen left me very sad and depressed that night. In common form, I resorted to keeping busy the next few days to avoid the issue. It is how I work through so many issues...I stay busy. In this instance, I had to go back to work with 10,000 other educators.
Why am I telling you all of this on my blog? I have no idea. It felt like a good idea to just get it off my chest.
Thanks for listening.
Joey
What a week it has been. On Friday evening I arrived home from an 8-day trip to our nation's capital. I have been attending a conference with about 10,000 other teachers from across the country...and the world. We have had the best time, and there is so much to share. However, all in due time!
There is an aspect of my trip that I want to share with you.
As part of the teacher organization, we have a number of caucus groups that strive to have their agenda included within the operations, belief statements, and missions of our organization. I am a member of several caucuses because I believe in the work they do and the support they provide. One caucus, in particular, led to some pretty heavy discussions this week.
I am a member of the GLBT caucus within our organization. I joined the caucus because I believe in equal rights for ALL. (For this same reason, I am a member of other caucuses.) I also joined the caucus so that I could relate to other educators in the same boat as I.
During this year's assembly, there were a number of new business items that were written. I also discovered that the GLBT caucus had asked a few of them to be amended. One new business item that comes to mind was written so our organization would actively work to support ethnic minorities in education. However, it seemed that the GLBT caucus wanted protections for GLBTQ students/teachers included. There was a great amount of discussion around this new business item, much around the inclusion of the GLBTQ clause.
As an organization, our association has worked hard for protections for GLBTQ students and educators. This has been part of our association's business for a number of years. However, I found myself on the opposite side of the line against my caucus' position. There was an amendment that would change the clause from GLBTQ students and faculty to the word ALL. It was felt that the use of ALL would include everyone without singling out a specific group, especially since this original business item was meant for protection of ETHNIC minorities.
The reason I bring all of this up is a precursor to a conversation I had later that evening with my friend, Karen.
Karen is a fellow teacher from my school system here in Tennessee. We have been great friends for several years. In fact, I came out to her while we were attending this same conference several years ago when it was in San Diego. She has been there through the years, and vice versa. So, she tends to know me pretty well.
That evening, we decided to go to dinner and take a night walk through the national monuments. (It truly is the best way to experience them!) We went to dinner at a very yummy Indian cuisine restaurant in Georgetown. After dinner we walked to the Metro (aka the subway) and the talk ensued.
In our discussion, we were talking about the activities surrounding this new business item, and the GLBT caucus' bringing forth the amendment. I made a statement to Karen that I do not always agree with the members of the caucus. I made it a point that I am often times uncomfortable with the GLBT caucus always trying to push an agenda that could possibly alienate others.
Now, before anyone decides to chastise me for that statement, let me explain. I do believe in equal rights for everyone under the law. I also believe that beyond equal rights, I also believe that we all need to love and accept one another. I have found through the years that trying to force someone to accept you will never work.
Somehow this conversation led to a discussion of me being comfortable within the GLBT caucus and the GLBT community. The truth is that I am not comfortable. That is hard for me to say, because I know that some will take issue with that. However, please understand that I am still not comfortable within my own skin. I don't consider the fact that I am gay to be the driving identifier in my life. For some reason, I felt like that is driving force behind the caucus, and that has led to my discomfort with them.
I made a statement to Karen that really shook me up. I told her that although I identify myself as gay, I don't believe that I will ever find love with another guy. I told her I have resorted to the realization that I am destined to live my life alone and without a significant other. Even as I write this, I find it hard to read. It is, however, exactly how I feel about my life.
Does this make me sad? Yes, but only when I give it great thought. In reality, I have never felt romantic/emotional love for another. Would I know what it felt like if I had...I would hope so. But, to this point in life...no true feeling of love for another. Consequently, I have great love for my friends and family, but I don't feel that would be the same thing.
The discussion with Karen left me very sad and depressed that night. In common form, I resorted to keeping busy the next few days to avoid the issue. It is how I work through so many issues...I stay busy. In this instance, I had to go back to work with 10,000 other educators.
Why am I telling you all of this on my blog? I have no idea. It felt like a good idea to just get it off my chest.
Thanks for listening.
Joey
Some music for your enjoyment!
June 9, 2012
New Addition to My Family
The school year has come and gone. Thank goodness! I am exhausted! However, life has still been busy. This past week began with me teaching my very first college course. I am officially an adjunct faculty member within the College of Education. I have been excited about this prospect, but I was also a nervous wreck. The first week has been a blast!
The weekend before the final week of school (2 weeks ago), I decided it was time to add to my family. Sadly, it also meant I had to let go of a very loyal and dedicated member of my family. I made the decision to finally let go of my beloved 2001 Pontiac Aztek.
I have had this vehicle since December of 2001 when my previous car decided to drop its transmission. It has been the best car I have ever had. My Aztek (which has loving been referred to as "The Short Bus" since I got it) had over 192,000 miles on it and had only been in the shop for minor repairs twice in 11 1/2 years. But, the time had come to let it go. Over the past few months the front windows were breaking down, I lost the glass on my passenger side mirror when I hit a plastic trash can, and the air conditioner decided to die a few weeks earlier. I knew it wasn't going to be long before I had to get back out there and purchase a vehicle. I just didn't plan on it being at the beginning of summer!
I went to the car dealer to look at the Jeep line. I don't know why I made that choice. Jeep had not even been on my radar until I drove a Jeep Patriot that I had rented for a business trip several months back. When I got to the dealer I test drove this 2012 Patriot. I loved the green color, and it rode very well. I decided to play Let's Make a Deal. After about an hour of back and forth on the price and the allowance for my trade-in, I decided I would not pursue the green Patriot. The payments were going to be too high for my salary. Yes, I had set a limit, and this was going to be substantially over that.
I knew they had a slightly used Patriot in excellent condition. I took it. The price was right (about $13,000 - $14,000 less that the green Patriot), and I will have it paid off in just 3 years! (That is the best part in my eyes!) I purchased an extended warranty to keep me covered for another 50,000 miles! So I reluctantly handed over the keys to the Short Bus and said goodbye to my wonderful friend. Then I got in my new vehicle and drove off the lot.
Here I am two weeks later, and I am loving my new baby, which I have decided to call Ruby...for obvious reasons. She is less room than my Aztek, but it was more than I needed anyway. I am loving the new color of my car. I am no longer in a very conspicuous yellow Aztek. I am now is a much more inconspicuous ruby-colored Patriot. I am harder to spot on the street. Everyone knew where I was at when I had the Aztek. It became part of my identity. Now I can traipse around town (and beyond) without worrying about being seen out in public.
This is a huge adjustment coming my way. I haven't had a car payment in 6 years. Now I am back in the debt pool, but the plan to pay it off in 3 years makes me feel better.
I guess we can say that this is my birthday present to myself. (For those of you keeping track, my birthday is in 15 days...June 24th!)
So everyone, please say hello to the new woman in my life...RUBY!
The weekend before the final week of school (2 weeks ago), I decided it was time to add to my family. Sadly, it also meant I had to let go of a very loyal and dedicated member of my family. I made the decision to finally let go of my beloved 2001 Pontiac Aztek.
 |
| Yes, my Aztek really was this color! |
I knew they had a slightly used Patriot in excellent condition. I took it. The price was right (about $13,000 - $14,000 less that the green Patriot), and I will have it paid off in just 3 years! (That is the best part in my eyes!) I purchased an extended warranty to keep me covered for another 50,000 miles! So I reluctantly handed over the keys to the Short Bus and said goodbye to my wonderful friend. Then I got in my new vehicle and drove off the lot.
This is a huge adjustment coming my way. I haven't had a car payment in 6 years. Now I am back in the debt pool, but the plan to pay it off in 3 years makes me feel better.
I guess we can say that this is my birthday present to myself. (For those of you keeping track, my birthday is in 15 days...June 24th!)
So everyone, please say hello to the new woman in my life...RUBY!
May 22, 2012
I AM HERE!
My dear friends -
I know that I have been away from so many of you for a while now. I cannot offer up any valid excuse except to say that life has been flying by at an incredible pace. I am sincerely sorry that I have neglected our friendship over the past year. It was not intentional. I truly value and need your friendship. It just appears that I have not been the best friend to any of you! I am so utterly sorry for that!
I have been in survival mode over the past months...well, since about September. Being our education association's leader has taken a toll on me over the past three years. This year has been the hardest. It seems that I am daily dealing with legislative issues, meetings with legislators, meetings with teachers and administration, giving interviews with members of the press, representing educators in meetings, fighting a ridiculously-flawed evaluation system, talking with our legal services team, and so much more. Somewhere in there I have also been working my butt off to make sure my students get the best education possible. Yes, on top of representing all the educators in our area and across the state, I am still first and foremost a teacher to my 75 middle schoolers.
I have been insanely focused on making sure everyone in our school system and state has been take care of, I have neglected one very important person in my life...myself! I leave the house each day before sunrise, and I typically don't get home until around sundown. Once my school day ends I am usually traveling to this meeting and that meeting for a variety of reasons. My calendar rarely has an empty spot! What I have not been finding time for is self-preservation and enjoyment of life.
What sort of toll has this taken on me? Because I am on the go all the time, I literally will crash as soon as I get home in the evenings. When I should be going to work out or getting out with friends, I find myself passed out on the couch. My body has been playing catch up on sleep whenever it can. Of course, this leads to one of the most embarrassing effects...weight gain. I have truly neglected my weight loss plan, and it has shown. This also leads to the depression I have been feeling this year. Yes, I am well aware that I have been in some type of "funk" from time to time. My typical defense mechanism against depression is to get out there and keep myself busy. Keeping busy has not been a problem.
With the summer coming up, I am making it my goal to get back on the weight loss plan and to get myself out of this "funk."
So, to sum it all up in a Readers' Digest version, it has been a difficult, busy, and very trying year. However, I am fully dedicated to fixing it all!
I will write more as life slows down for the summer months. Thanks for sticking by me.
Love to you all! I miss each and every one of you!
Joey
I know that I have been away from so many of you for a while now. I cannot offer up any valid excuse except to say that life has been flying by at an incredible pace. I am sincerely sorry that I have neglected our friendship over the past year. It was not intentional. I truly value and need your friendship. It just appears that I have not been the best friend to any of you! I am so utterly sorry for that!
I have been in survival mode over the past months...well, since about September. Being our education association's leader has taken a toll on me over the past three years. This year has been the hardest. It seems that I am daily dealing with legislative issues, meetings with legislators, meetings with teachers and administration, giving interviews with members of the press, representing educators in meetings, fighting a ridiculously-flawed evaluation system, talking with our legal services team, and so much more. Somewhere in there I have also been working my butt off to make sure my students get the best education possible. Yes, on top of representing all the educators in our area and across the state, I am still first and foremost a teacher to my 75 middle schoolers.
I have been insanely focused on making sure everyone in our school system and state has been take care of, I have neglected one very important person in my life...myself! I leave the house each day before sunrise, and I typically don't get home until around sundown. Once my school day ends I am usually traveling to this meeting and that meeting for a variety of reasons. My calendar rarely has an empty spot! What I have not been finding time for is self-preservation and enjoyment of life.
What sort of toll has this taken on me? Because I am on the go all the time, I literally will crash as soon as I get home in the evenings. When I should be going to work out or getting out with friends, I find myself passed out on the couch. My body has been playing catch up on sleep whenever it can. Of course, this leads to one of the most embarrassing effects...weight gain. I have truly neglected my weight loss plan, and it has shown. This also leads to the depression I have been feeling this year. Yes, I am well aware that I have been in some type of "funk" from time to time. My typical defense mechanism against depression is to get out there and keep myself busy. Keeping busy has not been a problem.
With the summer coming up, I am making it my goal to get back on the weight loss plan and to get myself out of this "funk."
So, to sum it all up in a Readers' Digest version, it has been a difficult, busy, and very trying year. However, I am fully dedicated to fixing it all!
I will write more as life slows down for the summer months. Thanks for sticking by me.
Love to you all! I miss each and every one of you!
Joey
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