Shane and Tom

FAIR WARNING: Get some tissue ready before you watch this video. You will most certainly need it! 

I was in the Nashville area this past weekend for a conference. As I laid in bed at my beautiful hotel on Friday night, I could not sleep. I don't know what it was, but I just could not force myself to go to sleep. So, I decided to get on the iPad for a bit to look around Facebook, emails, etc. I don't even remember how I got to a link of this video. However, I remember watching it three consecutive times. I couldn't break myself away from it. I was so moved by what I was watching that I spent the next few hours researching the video, the incredible man in the video, and the story behind the video. What I found brought me to uncontrollable tears.

Shane Bitney Crone and Tom Bridegroom were both smalltown boys (Shane from Montana, and Tom from Indiana). They fell in love, and were committed to each other for 6 years. They moved in together, bought a home together, started a business together, adopted a dog together, and even talked of someday having a family together. Life was phenomenal!

Tragically, Tom died unexpectedly on May 7, 2011 when he fell 4-stories from a roof while taking pictures of a friend. Shane's world was instantly flipped upside down.

Tom's mom flew to California to collect Tom's body and take him back to Indiana for a funeral and burial. She convinced Shane to pay for the transport of Tom's body back to Indiana and the cost of the funeral. Shane relented. What makes this story even more tragic is that Shane was forbidden to attend Tom's funeral and burial. He didn't get to say his last goodbyes. In fact, he was threatened by Tom's dad and family if he were to show up.

Shane posted this video in memorial of Tom on the one-year anniversary of Tom's death. It went viral and made headlines. Some how, I completely missed every bit of the coverage of Shane's tribute to the man he loved.

Since last Friday, I have not been able to get this video, Shane's story, and Shane's journey out of my mind. It has had a profound effect on me over the past few days.

You see, I have not always given much thought to marriage equality. It is not that I didn't believe in equal rights. Far from it. I believe the reason I was so removed from the topic is that I didn't quite understand the ramifications of a legal marriage for all. Shane and Tom's story have put this into a whole new light. I now understand that even something as a civil partnership or civil union would not allow couples the same rights as a legally married couple. In Shane and Tom's case, Shane would have been able to make medical decisions for Tom, he could have gotten information about the events in the hospital that are now kept from him, and he could have arranged a cremation and funeral service for Tom in California, which was his wish. He could have done all of these things if he was legally recognized as Tom's husband. Sadly, the citizens of California approved Prop 8 several years ago, which means Tom and Shane were not able to get married as they wanted. It is time for us all to stand up and fight for legal marriages for all couples in the United States. It is time for the discrimination to stop.

On a more personal note, what affected me most in this video was the love between Tom and Shane. It was easy to see these two guys were destined for one another. The love that they shared is infectious. It is the kind of love that everyone dreams for in their life. Sadly, in recent years I have all but given up hope on finding love in my life. However, since seeing Shane and Tom's story, I know that true love is out there. It just has to be found. I can only pray and hope for the type of love and compassion that these two incredible people have had for one another. We all should be so blessed.

Shane, I don't know if you will ever find this blog or this post. However, if you were to ever read this, please know that I am so incredible sorry for the loss of Tom. I cannot imagine the pain you have had to endure since losing the love of your life. I wish I had the words to say. Please know that you have the love and support of so many people you may never know of get to meet. It is my prayer for you to be able to use this tragic event for some good in the world. I know the love you and Tom shared will never die. That type of love transcends this Earth, and will last for eternity. Tom will always be with you in your heart. It is not the same as having him physically by your side, but he will never be far away. I have no doubt that you can sense his presence around you as you carry on in life. You know Tom would not want you to be so sad in life. He would want only the best for you that this life has to offer. And, when this life fades, you will most certainly find Tom waiting for you to join him at the pearly gates of Heaven. A love for eternity! And, thank you to you and Tom for helping me to see what true love can really be in this life. I will forever be in your debt for that incredible gift.

On a side note, the video and song below were written for Tom. It was written and sung by Colleen McMahon in tribute of Tom Bridegroom. I have played this song more times over the past few days than I care to admit. The love in this song is undeniable.