Fair warning, this post is going to have several different layers. I have got a lot of catching up to do.
Words of Encouragement
I wanted to start by giving a shout out to
Mikey,
Evan,
James,
El Genio,
Dodger,
Jason,
Chris, and
Octavius. They are going through some rough and some good times right now. I just wanted to say I am keeping up with you guys and am here if you need to talk to somebody. You are not alone in your journey. We are all here for you.
Columbus Day and a Move
So today is Columbus Day and the official start to my school system's. I am excited to have a week off. I really am in need of some time off. So many things have been happening. The biggest event this past week is that I moved out of my condo into a house.
Some friends of mine offered to let me rent their second house. I was shocked when they told me the rent. I am just gonna put it out there...I am paying a mere $300 per month. The first thing I had to ask when they told me the rent was, "what is wrong with it?" They assured me that nothing was wrong with it. I decided to take a look at it.
For starters, the house is 15 - 20 minutes to the school. That is a big difference from the 3 minutes I drive now. But, I thought it would be an awesome change to finally have some privacy. I drive up to the house, and it is this really nice looking dark red brick ranch-style house. I go into the living room and am pleasantly surprised...there are hardwood floors throughout the living room, hallways, and the dining room. Also, the amount of room in the living room is incredibly huge compared to my condo. I get to the kitchen, which was renovated a couple years ago, so it looks wonderful as well.
At this point, I am ready to hand over a check. I move down the hallway to look at the 3 bedrooms and the 1 1/2 baths. The bedrooms are great sizes. The only drawback is the brown shag carpet. After the initial shock wore off, I came to the conclusion that I can get past it. I will just put down some area rugs or something. Then I get to the full bathroom...AHHHHHHHHHHHH! It is this 1970s looking green and white marble-looking countertops and flooring. It is hideous. I finally decide that I don't live in the bathroom, so I am okay. A friend of mine suggested a white shower curtain, white towels, and white rugs. It has the spa-like feel to it now. It is not so bad.
I am now living in so much room, I don't know what to do with it all. I realize now that I am going to have to buy more furniture to fill this house. I need a platform bed for the guest bedroom, and some sort of study chair for my office/study. Oh, and I now have to find a small dining room set. I don't need anything too big.
So, I feel very fortunate to have gotten this house. I am thinking that if I were to decide and stay in this area, I may ask to buy this house from my friends. It is a great house in a quiet neighborhood. I am actually talking with them now to allow me to have new carpet installed into the bedrooms. It would raise the value of the house, and it would look 100 times better. I think they are going to let me do it, and I can get all 3 rooms done for about $1000...not too bad. I told my friends that they could just let me take $100 off my rent for the next 10 months. I am basically paying nothing to live in this awesome house.
More on the house later. Really, I could go on and on and on.
More than Just Columbus Day
There was so many things happening this weekend, and even today. Being Columbus Day, it is a day when we are supposed to celebrate/commemorate Columbus' discovery of the Americas. Honestly, I have never celebrated this day, except maybe when I was a kid. Today holds a much bigger meaning for me.
On October 12, 1929, my grandmother was born. That's right, today she would have been 80 years old.
My grandmother was an incredile woman. She is the woman that practically raised me. She was the first person that really showed me the concept of unconditional love. My family is nowhere near perfect. In fact, I often joke that we are the poster family of difunctionality. Several members of my family have put my grandmother, and the rest of us, through hell. There have been drug users, alcoholics, arrests made, runaways, sex addicts, etc. Through it all, my grandmother was always there to take care of us all. She always looked at it as you made a mistake, and we must move on from it. She was the matriarch of the family. What she says...goes!
She had one wacky sense of humor. Even when she was really ill, the way we knew she was mentally still okay and with us is that she would flip you off. I remember that crooked boney finger sticking up in the air. We all would just laugh and smile. She would even flip off the preacher when he came to visit her.
She passed away on April 12, 2005. She was 75. I remember being at her funeral and the preacher giving the eulogy. I was stunned when his speech began to crack and he started to cry. You have to understand that my grandmother had not been to church in about 20 years or so. She had never been to the preacher's church, but he was the preacher for our entire family. He called her a member of his church, even if she had never stepped foot inside of it. They had this incredible friendship. That was just how my grandmother was. Everybody loved her.
Once the receiving friends and funeral was over the first night, I remember going up to the casket and holding my grandmother's hand. I just stood there looking at how peaceful she was. I could not move. I did not want to leave her. My dad finally came over and got me to go. I said my final goodbye and then began to cry. I could not stay and talk to anyone. I actually had to duck into the private family room. I broke down. I actually could no longer stand. I fell to my knees and cried the hardest I have ever cried. I have not really cried since that night.
My family and I often joke that my grandmother is still around. We get little "hints" every now and then that she is nearby. For me, it was a dream I had one night. I dreamt I was at my own wedding. My entire family was sitting behind us in the church. They were loud and embarrassing...hey, they are mine. Anyway, as the wedding began, there was a tap on my shoulder. I turned to see my grandmother standing there. She told me she came back just to see me get married. I remember being so happy to see and talk to her. Then, of course, I woke up. I must have had this huge grin on my face when I woke up, but I soon realized she had passed away. I was instantly sad, but I looked at it as her way of saying hello to me.
So, happy birthday, Rella! I love and miss you more than you may ever know.
National Coming Out Day and the Equality March
I am sorry that I was not able to post and comment about National Coming Out Day, which was yesterday. Obviously, without any internet access, I couldn't post. But, I wanted to post something in retrospect.
I thought I would take this moment to tell you about my first National Coming Out Day experience.
It was my freshman year of college. I remember seeing an unsually large amount of people wearing purple shirts and blue jeans on campus. I didn't think too much about it. I was a naive little freshman from a small town (only 5000 people). I just went on about my day.
During marching band practice (yes, I was a band geek) I noticed that there were two of my fellow trumpet players wearing the purple shirts and blue jeans. I also noticed several other members of the band wearing the same thing. There was also lots of eyes and whispering going on among the band members.
I looked over to my friend Elizabeth (the first real friend I made at college) and asked her about the purple shirts and blue jeans she was wearing. She told me that it was National Coming Out Day. I still had no idea what she was talking about. (Again, small town and naive.) Once I got it figured out, I just was shocked. I asked her if that meant she was a lesbian. She told me that she chose to wore the colors because she supported those who were gay or lesbian. I later found out that she was bi.
The funny part of this is that our other trumpet player, Barry, was also wearing the purple shirt and jeans. Evidently he wore it by sheer coincidence. He spent the hour and a half constantly trying to convince our fellow trumpeters that he was straight. It was hilarious.
I have to say that at that point of my life, I was in denial that I was gay. I knew something was different, but I chose to put it one the back burner and hide it from myself and others. However, I feel like this first experience was the beginning of my eye opening.
As I look back, I am impressed by and in awe of those at my college who had the courage to step out to say they were proud of who they were, and of those who stepped up in support. In an ultra-conservative state, it is not easy to be different. These people made it clear that they would not be suppressed, quieted, or changed. I totally wish I had the courage at that point in my life.
It is important for us to take a stand. We have to be open to others to help teach and foster acceptance. I know I work to teach my students to accept everyone, no matter how different from you they may be. The video below is extreme and it totally stirs deep-rooted emotions and fears, but I wanted to include it as further proof that we must educate our world. (Warning: It gets graphic.)
Yesterday was also the National Equality March in Washington, DC. I have watched several different marches on Washington over the past years. This is the first one that has really hit me the most.
Once I finally came out to myself and accepted myself, I realized how discriminated gay and lesbian people are in some areas of the world...especially in the United States. I have seen a couple of friends harrassed, and one even attacked, simply because they are gay. I have heard other stories about people being discriminated, harrassed, or attacked in all stages of life. I know that there are certain organizations who will not allow gay men to be leaders. I find that insane. There are some religious denominations that will excommunicate you for being gay. Then, there is inequality in our civil rights. It is implorable.
I am excited to see so many people come together in a march on Washington, DC, in order to send a message to our legislators that equal rights should be afforded to EVERYONE in our country. There is no reason that we should be discriminated against just because of the person we love.
I had made plans to attend the Equality March, but I was unable to make it. I told a couple of my friends who went to march a few extra steps and chant a few extra chants for me. I know my friends took a stand and will ultimately make a difference in our country. I sincerely hope that the Equality March wakes up our country...both the legislators and the citizens of this awesome country.
I pray that my brothers and sisters who are constantly in fear about being gay will be able to open up and accept themselves so they can live their lives the way they are supposed to do. I also hope that their friends and family will accept them...not just tolerate or disown them. I know that several of the blogs I read are by those who live in depression and/or fear because they are not being accepted. It really messes them up.
I think it becomes our mission to be there for our brothers and sisters who need our support. How can we ask for acceptance of others when we cannot accept ourselves? I know that I will be here to support you guys whenever you need. (I never know when I might need that support in return.)
Matthew Shepard
Besides today being Columbus Day, today makes the 11th anniversary of the death of Matthew Shepard.
For those of you who may never had heard of Matt, he was a 21 year old college student in Laramie, Wyoming, that was robbed (of $20), beaten, tied to a fence in a field, and left to die. All of this happened because he was gay.
I remember the media frenzy back in 1998. The story made national and international headlines. I think the initial reason it made such headlines is the gruesome nature of the attack and how he was left to die...tied to a fence. The media attention continued as it was learned to be a hate crime.
Over the years, I have read a number of accounts of what had happened, as well as accounts of those involved in this story. I had the chance to see the theatrical and the movie versions of Moises Khaufman's "The Laramie Project." I was taken back by the openness of the people and the effect of this tragedy on people of Larami and the world. I remember watching it and just sitting there speechless. I will admit to crying as I sat there experiencing this. Khaufman was able to capture the denial, the confusion, and the anger that the people faced in the wake of Matt's death.
I choose not to go into the specifics of Matt's attack and untimely death. I will encourage you to read "The Meaning of Matthew," written by Matt's mom (Judy Shepard) and to see "The Laramie Project." You can get it on DVD.
Matt is not the only person ever harrassed, attacked, and/or killed because they are gay. I think that Matt's story made such headlines because of the gruesome nature of his attack and murder. It just brought to light the hate crimes that happen in our world. Because of Matt's story there has been much attention brought to these hate crimes, not only because of sexual orientation. And, most recently, our government expanded the hate crimes law to include crimes based on sexual orientation.
I don't really have the words (I know it seems hard to believe) to express what I may be feeling, so I will defer to Ellen Degeneres. She says it best.
I am sorry for such a long post. I just had several things to get off my chest today. Thanks for listening/reading. Talk to you soon.
- JC
