A Week of Highs and Lows

Hello, friends! I have been so hesitant about posting on what I am about to discuss, but I need to get it off my chest today.

This week has been one of huge ups and downs.

For starters, I got a chance to return to summer camp this week as a leader. I have been volunteering at this camp for the past 13 years. Last year was the first time I was not able to go all summer long. It just about killed me last summer to tell them I would not be there. I was ecstatic when we got to the camp on Monday. All I can say is that the week was wonderful. The weather cooled off after seeing temps in the 90s for the past few weeks. Plus, my evenings are spent as the camp nurse. I get to care for the ailing and accident-prone. I am happy to say that it was a pretty uneventful week in first aid until Thursday evening, but nothing we couldn't handle.

The worst part of my week came on Wednesday night. I left camp around 2:30 that afternoon to attend a funeral. The funeral service was for a former student I had 5 years ago. His name is Dylan. He died from a drug overdose on Monday, June 6. He was just trying to get a high, and he went too far. It cost him his life. One of his friends evidently found him face-down on the floor of his bedroom. Words cannot describe the sorrow I felt as I learned of Dylan's unexpected death on Tuesday morning as word spread across Facebook.

I did not realize it would take 9 more days before the funeral. There was an autopsy, and Dylan's body was not released until Thursday night.To add to the problem, the family could not afford a funeral and burial for Dylan. His mother is a single, working mom. There was no way she had any money for this. Calls started going out to help raise money for the funeral. There was a few fundraisers arranged. Finally the money was raised, so the funeral service was held on Wednesday.

I arrived to the funeral around 5:00. It had started raining that afternoon, which was just appropriate for this. As I walk into the funeral home, all I can see around me are 15 and 16 year olds just balling their eyes out. They were just sobbing uncontrollably. My heart was breaking as I stood there in the receiving line. I finally get to the casket where Dylan's mother is standing. I speak to Vicki for several minutes. We talked about how Dylan was a great young man with a wonderful attitude, a caring personality, and a demeanor that just made everyone love him. No he was not perfect, and we all realize that, but he was a loving kid. As I looked over to Dylan lying in the casket I just about lost it. My knees went weak and I had to fight hard to hold back the tears. It got harder and harder to talk with Vicki. I finally told her how sorry I was and how much we all loved Dylan. She thanked me for being there and said how much Dylan loved me and my class. That meant a lot to me, and I greatly appreciated her words to me even in her time of grief.

As I began to leave the funeral home I passed several students who stopped me to say hello. They were all sobbing and could barely stand. What made this worse for me was when I ran into TJ. I was walking out of the funeral home towards my car when I heard someone say "Mr. C?" I stopped, turned around, and saw TJ. I went over to where TJ was standing surrounded by a number of other students. TJ is another of my former students, and he has been Dylan's best friend before kindergarten. I remember TJ and Dylan's friendship when they were in my class. They were inseparable. I got to TJ and just hugged him. He and I both fought to hold back the tears. I took several minutes to talk with TJ to make sure he was okay. All he could say is how unreal it all felt. It was obvious he was still in a daze. He had lost his best friend that has been around most of his life, and now that best friend is gone.

After talking with TJ, I made a bee-line for the car. I got in the car and lost it. My whole body was shaking, I could barely breathe, and I began to cry. My heart was breaking for Dylan's family, for TJ, and for the rest of their friends. I just sat there for a few minutes trying to calm down enough to drive back to the camp. Luckily, the drive back to camp took an hour, so I regained my composure by the time I returned.

One of my greatest fears as an educator is losing a child. I have often feared that losing a child in my care would send me over the edge and into a psychiatric hospital. I did not ever imagine losing a former student just a few years after having them in my classes. It hurt and still hurts today. I know my pain cannot even come close to the pain Vicki (Dylan's mother) or TJ are feeling right now. I have spent some time in the past two weeks checking up on all my former students who were affected by Dylan's passing. I am trying to make sure they are all handling the news and taking the necessary time to grieve and recover. Yes, they may be gone from my care, but they are still partly mine. I have to make sure everyone is okay.

So, it has been one week of emotional highs and extreme lows. My mind and body have been utterly exhausted. I got home from camp on Friday afternoon after a lunch meeting with a union representative from Nashville. I climbed onto the couch and fell asleep for 15 hours. Yes, I was tired. Today has been a slow one. I have been traipsing around the house just worn out.

Tomorrow is Father's Day. I am going to try and get my dad to meet me for lunch in Knoxville. I know he will try to make some excuse so I won't come down. It is not that he doesn't want me to be there. He simply doesn't want to inconvenience me or make me pay for fuel to get there. Yes, he is a worrier. I love him for that. Some day I will convince him that (1) I work and can afford the fuel, and (2) meeting up to see him is NEVER an inconvenience.

Thanks for listening! You all are the best!
Take care,
Joe